Chapter 108: Doubting Herself

Isabella was unable to make a move out of her current standing position. She couldn't believe that she did something as stupid as this to Alex. And yet Alex was all around her. She still covered her mouth as she continued to cry. All her eyes were already red and her cheeks were already covered with tears. Tears of sadness, tears of agony to the fact that she could do something like that to Alex. She relaxed her back on the mirror and still continued to cry. 

"I can't believe this. I don't deserve Alex at all. I don't deserve Alex for anything. He's not even supposed to be by my side. He's supposed to leave me." 

She said to herself, unable to bear with the fact that she did something like that. She turned again and looked at herself in the mirror. 

"How could you have done something like that? How could you have gone to James when you had Alex? What were you looking for? What were you looking for in James that you could not find in Alex?" 

She yelled at herself. Just then a lady walked in and looked at her. 

"Isabella, aren't you taking so long in the toilet? If you are being conflicted, you can come outside and get advice from everybody. Don't just stay inside like that. That isn't good. Okay? Come back outside." 

The policewoman said to her and after easing herself, she just left. Isabella did not even respond to her but instead stood there still crying. 

She knew that the policeman would go and tell Alex and the rest that Isabella was there crying and not just any type of cry, tears, but all her cheeks were filled with her tears and she couldn't even control herself. 

"I am sure it is just an illusion. I am sure I am just remembering what someone did. That cannot be me after all. I didn't even see my face. I am not sure I could do something like that. Cheat on Alex. Alex is a perfectly good person. He did nothing to me. Why would I dare to do something like that to him? He deserves someone better if that's what I did." 

Isabella continued to repeat to herself. Just then the door swung open and Mirabel rushed towards her with a hanky in her hand. Of course, the policeman had already gone and described to them how Isabella was crying. 

"Why are you in tears? Why are you crying? What is making you cry? Just because you are trying to face Lily? Lily can't do you anything, okay? She can't even bear to poison you. So don't even be scared. Do you understand?" 

Mirabel said to her as she shook her head sideways. 

"It's not about being scared, it is something else and I know you know? Is that a thing? You told me you knew but you won't say anything about it." 

Isabella questioned Mirabel and she stayed silent instantly, not even moving towards her to clean her tears again. 

"Are you remembering?" 

Slowly she questioned as Isabella nodded and quickly rushed towards Mirabel holding onto both her arms and continued to cry again. 

"I don't think I can be with Alex anymore. I don't deserve him. I can't stand in the same room as Alex anymore. I feel like I am the worst. I feel like I have done something nobody would hear about." 

Isabella began to cry as Mirabel quickly calmed her down. 

"You need to calm down, okay? If you continue to blame yourself for everything, then you would not have your own redemption. Yes, you made mistakes and of course, James is lustful and you are a student. You are young. Alex was busy; he was trying to make money just to marry you. You might not have understood Alex, but he also wanted to give you time. He just did not have the opportunity to. You got idle and you went for James. Your friends pushed you. They made you go for James and that was a huge mistake. They kept your secret for you. You have to keep that secret as long as possible because even Lily would not dare to utter those secrets out. You just have to hold it in. Alex is all you've got at this moment." 

Mirabel said to her more like a warning as Isabella still continued to cry. 

"You don't understand what I saw myself do with James. I can never even hold in that thought whenever I'm around James. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like that lust is coming back. I don't want it. I don't want to go back out there." 

Isabella began to cry again and Mirabel raised her hand out of anger wanting to slap Isabella, but she stopped trying to control herself. 

"Stop what you are doing. Stop acting so insolent. Don't let me get provoked with you. You made a goddamn mistake and that is the past. Let the past be the past. Do you understand? Don't bring it to the future. Do not bring anything close to the future. Do you get me now? You might make me so angry that I would actually tell him myself. What exactly is your fucking problem? I am telling you Alex is all you've got to win this case. If you really want to remember everything, then you have to stay calm and stay by Alex's side. Anything James or Lily throws at you, throw it back. I am happy that you finally found out yourself that you cheated on Alex, so you should know how to hold it in and stay away from James as much as you can." 

Mirabel warned and then picked up her handkerchief again from the counter and cleaned her tears. 

"Very well. Wash your face again. Wash it again and let me clean it. Be back to your normal self. Don't let anybody find you as a weakling. The minute I heard the policeman trying to discard that you were crying, I stopped her. Stop this nonsense and stop acting so weak." 

Mirabel yelled and then threw the handkerchief at Isabella. 

Even though she was not the kind of person like that, she loved and cared for Isabella; she had no choice. She could see that Isabella was weak at heart and Isabella could not contain it. Or should she say, the Isabella who did not remember anything could not contain it. So the only way to make her accept what she did and just try to hold it in was to be aggressive with her and let her know that nobody is smiling with her. 

She watched as Isabella cleaned her tears and prepared herself back. 

"Now let's go back out there and win this lawsuit."