Chapter 59

But he didn’t. He just sighed and slumped in his chair. “You’re right, she didn’t. She yelled at me for canceling on her.”

I clenched my teeth around the words that were better left unsaid. It wouldn’t be good for our talk if I started out by telling him to break up with her. Instead, I took a sip of water and kept my mouth shut. I had lots of practice doing that, after all.

“I need to break up with her,” he said.

I almost choked on my water. What the Hotel-Echo-Lima-Lima? Did he read my mind now?

“I mean, she bitched when we met Becks for lunch. And now she yelled at me for wanting to spend time with my own brother? Nuh-uh. I don’t think so.”

“I’m sorry, Matt. I know you like her.” I meant it, even if I wasn’t particularly fond of her. Matt could be an airhead and blurt out things that I was sure sounded better in his head than out loud, but at his core, he was a loyal brother and friend. He would never accept someone who tried to get between him and his family.

“Eh.” He shrugged. “I’ll live.” He broke out into a smile. “Ah, Miss Myrna. You carrying a cheeseburger is my favorite sight in this world.”

She snorted. “No need to butter up my behind. I’ll tell your mama you were good boys.” She set down our plates and scurried away.

After a big bite of his burger, Matt looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Shoot.”

I stalled. I hid my shaking hands by grabbing hold of my glass. Tried swallowing to calm my roiling stomach. Forced my bouncing knee to keep still. I was more terrified of telling my brother I wanted to date his best friend, than I would have been meeting Darth Vader in a dark alley.

“Leeeviiii?” He dragged out my name just like Mom had done when I was little and had been up to something. “Spit it out.”

“I, eh.” My voice shook, and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. “I’m going to ask Beckett out on a date.”

Matt froze in the middle of eating, hands holding the hamburger hovered halfway to his mouth. His eyes burrowed into me as if he was trying to see right into my brain. Calmly, he put the burger down and rested his hands palms down on the table. “Excuse me?”

I straightened my back. “I said, I’m asking Beckett out on a date.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” He sighed and shook his head.

My hackles rose. “You got a problem with that?”

He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and middle finger. “Frankly, yes.”

I narrowed my eyes, leaned forward, and slammed my palms on the table. “Look, Matthew, it’s time for you to stop being such a bigot and get over the fact that I’m gay and he’s bi and—”

“Stop.” He sighed again. “I know why you’d think that, but that’s not it.”

I scowled at him.

“It really isn’t. Promise,” he said and held up his hands in an I surrendergesture. “I know I say stupid shit sometimes and I’m sorry. But please, hear me out.” He looked…sad? Not angry or annoyed like I’d expected, so I stood down. Inhaled through the nose and exhaled through the mouth. Calm, Levi. Calm.

“Then explain,” I said when I’d reigned in my temper.

“It’s just…” He grabbed his milkshake and slurped down half of it. “Becks is the nicest guy in the world. He’s…sweet and loving and the most loyal friend a guy can have. I’m not sure I deserve him.”

Very true.

“He’s always been looking for something real, you know? Not like me who’s willing to try all the flavors before I settle down. He wants commitment. Stability.” He rubbed his eyes again. “He believes in soulmates, Levi. He’s not a player.”

I tipped my head to the side. Did Matt think I was a player? Didn’t he know me at all? And while I appreciated that he tried to protect his friend, it still stung that he’d think that of me.

“Is that your objection?”

“Yeah. Listen.” He rubbed his hand on his head. “I wasn’t going to tell you this. It’s not like he’s said anything, but I know him. He…uh…likes you, you know. If you ask him out and then leave him…he’ll be devastated. I don’t want to see him hurt.”

“I see.” I pressed my lips tight together.

“You’re only twenty-three and have a lot of wild oats to sow. I mean, don’t gay boys have more wild oats than straight guys?” he asked with an embarrassed chuckle as if he knew he’d just told an offensive joke. “He doesn’t have the best confidence in the world, and he would be crushed if you hurt him—”

“Matt. You really need to stop talking now.”

“I’m just looking out for my friend.”

“I realize that. But…” I rested my forearms on the table and leaned in, lowering my voice. “Who do you think I am?”

He knitted his eyebrows together. “What do you mean?”

“Wild oats?” I hissed. “I don’t have stupid wild oats. I’m not a player. I want stability. I want commitment. I believe in soulmates, too.” For every word I uttered, his eyes grew rounder. “Jesus, Matt. Don’t you know me at all?”

“I…I guess I don’t?”

I shoved away my food. My appetite was long gone. Even if I hadn’t anticipated my brother to throw a parade when I told him I wanted to date his friend, I hadn’t expected this. I didn’t know if the stone in my stomach came from anger or from hurt. I pressed my hand to my belly and tried to regain my composure.