Chapter 49

“What do you mean?”

“That you’re far too sweet for something that dark and bitter.”

My comment made him fidget in his chair. His gaze flitted away from me and he cleared his throat.

Sierra-Hotel-India-Tango. Too much. Reign it in, Levi.

Luckily, the waitress came to my rescue. I accepted another refill and quirked my eyebrow at Beckett.

“I’d like, um, another hot chocolate, please.”

I gave him a wide, happy smile and we drank our beverages in silence and people-watched for a few minutes. Every now and then, he snuck a glance at me and lingered for a second or two before he looked away again. I pretended not to notice, but I was very aware. Every peek left a tingle in its wake, and I wanted him to look at me more.

After a while, we resumed our conversation. We talked about our favorite movies, music, and books. Nothing important and everything that mattered all at once. I couldn’t remember when I’d last enjoyed myself this much. Not even when I’d gone to see the latest Star Warsmovie.

I loved that he wasn’t loud and demanding attention. He listened and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, even when I lost myself in a lengthy rant about a tiny detail in Rogue Onethat had bugged me. No one in my family would have let me ramble on about it. Not that I would have tried to talk to them about it in the first place.

He was so different from everyone in my life. He was kind and smart and his entire focus was on me. Even when he pretended to look away. It was a heady feeling and it made my entire body buzz.

“Hey!” Beckett exclaimed after we’d chatted for a while. “You’re talking! A lot.”

“You noticed now?”

“You’re usually so quiet.”

I sighed and nodded. I’d given up trying to be heard in my family a long time ago. I loved them to pieces, but there were just so many of them. I hadn’t experienced a moment’s silence in the house until I got my own room over the garage. For the first time in my life, I had something that was my own, that didn’t have to be shared. That was all I’d ever wanted.

“I know,” I said. “It’s just…” I’d never talked to anyone about it and didn’t know how to express my feelings without making it sound like I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t want him to think I was selfish.

“I think I understand.” Beckett rested his elbow on the table and leaned his bearded cheek on his knuckles. “Fighting for attention all the time must be exhausting,” he said with a thoughtful glint in his eyes. “Trying to make yourself heard in a sea of voices…” He shrugged. “I don’t have brothers or sisters, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be.”

Warmth bloomed in my chest and raced through my body at his understanding. “Yes, that’s exactly it,” I mumbled.

The waitress interrupted our moment by dropping off the check. Her lips were pinched together, and she shot us an icy glare. We’d clearly overstayed our welcome and she wanted us out of there quicker than the Millennium Falcon could jump to light speed. I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket, but Beckett waved it away.

“Let me,” he said.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. But…I’ve enjoyed myself a lot, so please?” He looked me right in the eyes then, for the first time. At first glance, his eyes were brown, but the more I looked, the more I noticed details, taking them from plain to intriguing. Like the darker ring on the outside of his iris and the flecks of gold sprinkled in the brown.

Who could say no to eyes like that? Not me.

Beckett left a huge tip for the waitress, whose frown turned into a smile and instead of glaring at us for holding up her table, she fluttered her eyelashes at him. Even though I’d never found women attractive, I could understand the appeal of her blond hair and pert breasts. Annoyance burned in my stomach as I watched her flirt with him and I wanted to scream at her to stop.

I wedged myself between them and nudged his shoulder. “Let’s go,” I said. “You’re taking me home, remember?” I shot her a back offglare.

But Beckett only gave her a polite, uninterested smile in return, and the fire in my belly died quickly, leaving me with a dry mouth and a feeling of disgust over my behavior. I had no right to be jealous. But for a few hours this afternoon, he’d been mine. Not Matt’s friend, but mine. And I didn’t want it to end.