Chapter 19: A talk by the fire

Koth glanced at Irin; sitting in front of the fire in a house like this felt too good, and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“There were a lot of things said back there, which are you referring to?” she asked. Koth laughed, but it sounded hollow even to him.

“You’re right, I should have been more precise. I was thinking about us being adopted. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you,” he told her.

“What were you lying about?” she asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“About us being real brothers,” Koth clarified.

“Oh. But you are, aren’t you? I mean, I get you both were adopted, but half of my siblings aren’t my siblings by blood. I still love them and think of them as I do my blood siblings. Family isn’t just the family you are born into.” Koth looked at her. She had this amazing way of making the most complicated matter seem straightforward and easy.

“You are wise beyond your years, little one,” he said.

“More importantly, how do you feel about what happened back there? It seemed a lot of hidden things came to light,” Irin said, looking into the fire. Koth didn’t like to talk; he especially didn’t like to talk about feelings. But Irin made him feel like sharing. He stared into the fire as well.

“It was things which needed to be said.” It had been a long time coming, he thought. “Me and my brothers grew up in an orphanage in Gahndas. My parents abandoned me there when I was just over a year old. I don’t know why, and I don’t care. But living there was hard, especially for someone like me. People don’t trust orcs, and even though my mother is, or was, human, my father’s legacy tainted me,” Koth started to tell her. He hadn’t spoken about his childhood in a long time. “But one advantage of my heritage is my strength. As I grew older, not even the older kids dared to bully me. But then there were others that weren't as lucky. Jasper and Mika are blood brothers. Mika is the oldest of them. Their parents died in a fire and they didn’t have any relatives, so they were put into the orphanage. The older boys started picking on Jasper, and Mika stepped in to defend him. Then they started going after both of them.”

“Kids can be vicious,” Irin said.

“There is a pecking order, just as with adults. Children are just more honest about it,” Koth said.

“That’s one way to see it,” Irin said with a smile.

“Anyway, I stepped in and told the kids the two brothers were under my protection. I don’t know why I did it, a moment of weakness maybe. They started following me around, so I taught them how to survive on the street. Over the years we grew closer. When I was eleven, our adoptive father found us. He saw the potential in us and adopted us,” Koth said, and then he sat quietly for a while, thinking about his childhood.

“It’s not easy being abandoned by a parent. I don’t know what I would have done if both my parents abandoned me,” Irin told him in a weak voice.

“You adapt, learn to live with it and all the questions.”

“It takes someone who is strong, not just physically, to make it through something like that. When my mother…” Irin stopped herself before she could finish and shook her head.

“When your mother what?” Koth asked. Irin shook her head again.

“No, this is your story, not mine,” she said with a sad smile.

“I don’t mind sharing,” he told her. She sighed and looked at him and then looked back to the fire.

“When my mother left us, I had so many questions I never got an answer to,” she finished the sentence.

“Your mother left?” Koth asked, surprised.

“Yes, about six months after the triplets were born. It was before my cousins came to live with us. One day she was there, the next she was gone,” Irin said with a shrug.

“I’m sorry,” Koth said; he didn’t know what else to say. It felt weak, but it was all he could offer. She looked at him and gave him a little smile.

“Thank you. I think you learn to live with something like that, but it always stays with you.” Koth nodded; he knew what she meant. Even if he pretended he didn’t care his parents abandoned him, that he was better off without them, a part of him still wondered why, and how his life would have turned out if they hadn’t abandoned him. “I’ll write a letter to my father,” Irin then said, standing up to get paper and quill.

“Make sure it isn’t obvious in case someone intercepts it,” Koth told her. “I can take it into town tomorrow to post it.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked.

“No, I can do it by myself. It’s better if one of us is at the house. If I missed something when I got provisions, tell me and I will make sure to get it.”

“Okay.” Koth looked at Irin as she sat bent over her letter. She would pause now and then to read what she had written or just stare at the page. After a little while, she seemed satisfied and handed it over to him.

“You don’t have to,” he objected.

“It’s fine, no family secrets,” she told him. Koth read through the letter.

Hello Father,

I hope everything is well back home and that the children are behaving. We have found ourselves out on the road. It is quite tiresome, but we have found rest in a lovely city. When we sat by the fire this evening, I got to thinking about the old tales you used to tell me when I crawled up in your lap in your study. Remember those?

I would love to find someone who knows those stories, as I’m too far away from home to hear them from you. Do you know anyone who would be willing to tell me some of them?

As always, I try to do you proud, and I promise to write back home soon again.

With love, your loyal daughter

Irin

Koth nodded happily; it wouldn’t set off any alarms if an outsider were to read it.

“Very good,” he said.

“Thank you. I hope it will be delivered quickly, and we hear back from him soon,” she told him. He nodded. They sat by the fire for some time.

“I think I will head to bed,” Irin said.

“It’s getting late,” Koth agreed. “You can take the master bedroom, and I’ll take one of the others,” he said.

“Sure.” Irin seemed to hesitate, but whatever it was, she didn’t share it with him but went upstairs. Koth sat for a while, looking to where she had disappeared. Staying in this house would be a challenge, he thought. He needed to remind himself of why they were here and who he was. He couldn’t let his imagination run amok. He sighed and made sure the fire was burned down low enough that the risk of sparks flying was minimal. He put the spark guard in place and went upstairs to the second bedroom and made himself comfortable on the bed. Before he could stop himself, his mind wandered to a place where this house and his relationship with Irin wasn’t a show. He imagined building a little workshop out back. He had always loved working to the sound of the ocean, just like he did in his tower. When he was done for the day, he would go back into the house, and Irin would be working on a healing potion for some of their neighbours. They would cook food together, and his mind drifted to see a little boy running around in a well-kept garden, his skin only a slight hint of green, with unruly, coppery hair.

“Fuck,” Koth grunted and turned around. He tried to keep his mind blank as he drifted off to sleep.