Chapter 14

Somehow Dan knew that this would be the extent of their relationship. Despite the deep union they had just shared, in the morning they would go their separate ways, each searching for the same thing, but knowing they wouldn’t find it in each other. But for tonight the alcohol had done its job and enabled them, if ever so briefly, to fulfill their need with each other.

Dan leaned over and tenderly kissed Wesley, who moaned softly and snuggled against Dan’s chest. Dan lay his head down on the pillow and, stroking Wesley’s arm, fell asleep. 5

Where do I go from here? Dan asked himself the next afternoon as he walked Lad and Lady. The past week had wrought some profound changes in Dan’s life. He was a gay man—something suspected, but not fully realized until his night with Rocky. But what did that mean for him? He surely didn’t want what The Flame bar seemed to offer: guys like Rocky offering sex, pretending to care, then moving on without a qualm.

He’d glimpsed it with Wesley—a relationship based on mutual caring and love. Yet, his drink-induced evening with the young man was a mirage. Both of them had been hurt and were trying to ease that pain by acting out their need with each other, pretending their feelings for each other were real.

It had shown him, however, what his desire really was: a loving relationship with a man. Surely there are gay men who want that as well. Why else all this angst about same sex marriage and the jubilation at the Supreme Court’s decision making it legal if there weren’t a sizable segment of the gay population that were desiring it?

But how do I find it? he asked himself.

He’d completed his circuit of his block and took the dogs into the house. He removed their leashes. “Put ‘em away,” Dan commanded Lad and Lady. Each picked up a leash and carried it into the mud room and returned to sit in front of Dan expectantly.

“Good job,” Dan said, doling out a rawhide chew to each.

As the dogs set to work devouring their treats, the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi. How are you doing?”

It was Christine, Dan’s ex-wife.

Now just how do you answer the question of how you’re doing from your ex when you’ve just discovered your true sexual identity and had a one-night stand, during which you fell in love with and was rejected by the first guy with whom you’d ever had sex? Then you topped it off by having drunken, pity sex with another of that same guy’s throwaways? You answer in the only way you can.

“Doing great, Chrissy. How are you?”

“Oh, busy, busy, getting settled in, learning the routine at a new clinic. How are things at All Creatures?”

Glad they had passed the need to go into the sordid details of his first week as a gay man, Dan replied, “About the same. Rose asks about you most every day.”

“Oh…she is so sweet. I really should take the time to write to her. What about my replacement?”

“I haven’t really met him, just seen him from a distance once or twice. His name is Bill. Haven’t heard any complaints so I guess he’s doing okay. Ezra Devlin seemed to like him. Oh, but we have a new client,” Dan found himself saying. “His name’s Scott Wagner. He’s remodeling the old Hatcherson place out on Highway 16. He has twin daughters: Sarah and Susan. Just bought them horses, really nice bloodlines. He doesn’t really know much about horses. I went out and did a vet check about a week ago. He really seems to be a great guy.”

Dan smacked himself on the forehead. Why did I do that? Where the fuck did that come from? Of all the dumb things to blurt out. What does she care about new clients?

“That’s nice,” Christine said, a note of puzzlement in her voice. “Uh…well, the reason I called was to say the only apartment I could find for now doesn’t allow dogs. So, if you don’t mind, could you hang on to Lady for the time being?”

“Sure, no problem,” Dan answered, relieved that she hadn’t called to say she was coming to pick Lady up. Dan was still hoping eventually Christine would decide Lady should stay there with him and Lad.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll say goodbye for now. Give those rascals a hug from Mommy. Hi, to Julee and tell Rose I’ll write soon, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Well, goodbye, Dan. Love you.”

“Bye, Chrissy. Love you, too.”

They hung up. Dan looked down at the dogs, who were lying at his feet. “Mommy says hi.”

They cocked their heads.