Justin took a deep breath.
Tomorrow he was going to do better. Which was exactly what he’d told himself yesterday, and the day before that. Tomorrow he’d figure out how to deal with Harper without making her mad, and meanwhile today he’d concentrate on looking after Scarlett and maybe even trying to get Wyatt to say something.
But first he had a mess in the kitchen to clean up.
* * * *
Justin wasn’t sure where the hours in the day went. The only thing he knew for certain was that he wasn’t getting on top of anything. He hadn’t even got around to getting the laundry on before Harper got home from school, shoved a note in his hand and stormed off to the living room to watch TV.
Justin blinked down at the note.
Harper’s teacher wanted him to call and schedule a time to come in and talk about Harpers “behavioral issues.”
Justin put the note into one of the kitchen drawers to worry about later. Another thing to add to the ever-growing list. He put it to the back of his mind while the afternoon wore down into dusk. He got the laundry on and remembered to start dinner before it was too late. He bathed Scarlett afterwards and got her into bed by seven. Then he folded laundry in front of the TV until eight and got Harper and Wyatt into bed.
And then the house was quiet, and Justin took a moment to just breathe. To just breathe, and not let everything overcome him. He poured himself a juice and went and sat on the back steps to look at the stars. He found himself closing his eyes instead, and trying to summon the ghost of this morning’s dream. The neighbor’s hands on his body, his voice in his ear. Justin had been impossibly turned on and yet at the same time he’d felt so safe.
He wanted that feeling for real.
Justin let out a long, slow breath and opened his eyes. He stared down at the slope of the dusty backyard to the screen of trees that hid the gully. He imagined walking down through the gully, crossing the field and then following the glow of the porch light all the way to the neighbor’s front door. He pictured the neighbor opening the door, his hair pulled back into a messy bun and his eyes crinkling with a smile, and Justin’s heart beat faster just at the thought of it because he knew he wasn’t brave enough to ever do anything like that. And then his imagination failed him entirely, because even in this fantasy scenario where he had the courage to knock on the neighbor’s door like that, Justin couldn’t think of anything he’d say. Nothing smart, nothing clever, and nothing remotely flirtatious. Anyway, just because the neighbor was gay that didn’t mean he’d want anything to do with Justin. The O’Dwyers were nothing but trouble, nothing but trash, and Justin had proved that last night.
But the fantasy was nice.
Justin watched a raccoon pick its way across the back yard, and then tipped his head back and closed his eyes and imagined the feel of the neighbor’s hands on him.
The fantasy was nice. 4
By the time they got to the hospital, Justin seemed to be in better control of his emotions if not necessarily the situation.
Del took over where he could, and in short order, he was left sat in the waiting area with the older kids while Justin took Scarlett with him.
As soon as there were no nurses nearby, he put the clipboard down. Harper was already pacing, her movements jerky, as if her little body contained so much rage at the world, it was impossible for her to stay still.
Wyatt, on the other hand, had climbed on a chair and sat there, looking…numb, maybe. It was hard to tell, because he didn’t seem to vocalize anything.
Sighing, Del grabbed the closest magazine from the rack—something about alien conspiracies and Bigfoot sightings, it seemed—and leafed it through while keeping an eye on the kids.
Neither of them relaxed, although after fifteen minutes, Harper went and sat next to her brother. Wyatt seemed to be drooping but stayed stubbornly awake and alert. Del didn’t want to think about why the boy had learned to do that, he couldn’t have been more than four years old.
They were close enough to the nurses’ station that when there was a lull in the general noise, Del could hear them whispering about the O’Dwyer kids being there. Ah, small towns. Del felt disgusted.
He needed to help Justin out once more with a judgmental nurse before they were free to leave. At least Scarlett was asleep and the older kids were relaxing slightly now that their brother was back. Del wasn’t sure if Justin noticed that, exhausted as he was.