Chapter 25

Sunday I woke up and I managed to get through breakfast until my brain reminded me that I had texted with Hunter last night. It took about a second longer for me to remember what I had texted. I froze in the middle of getting more coffee. I didn’t. I couldn’t have, I thought as I abandoned my hunt for coffee and picked up my phone and read through the messages from last night. I was sure I was as bright red as a firetruck by the amount of heat coming off my face. I didn’t know what to do. And I didn’t know how to interpret Hunter's reply. Okay, I got the ‘uncomfortable pants’ remark that had eluded me yesterday. But I didn't know where it left us. Was this his way to tell me he had felt the tension between us as well? Or was this his way of gently creating space with a client that had crossed the line of professional behaviour by leaps and bounds. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Should I send him a text today apologising for the texts I sent? Should I tell him it was a joke? Maybe I could claim temporary insanity? And how was I ever going to face him? Oh no, no no. This was so bad. I sat down at the table, staring at my phone, trying to figure out how I could salvage this. When it buzzed and showed a new message from Hunter I jumped and landed on the floor. I was grateful, for once, that I lived alone so no one was around to see me like this. I crawled up from the floor and sat at the table. Took a deep breath and opened the message.

H: Morning. How is your head?

Why did he have to be so perfect? I felt like an even bigger idiot for making unwanted advances on him.

Me: It’s fine, no hangover fortunately.

I sent the first message, paused for a second and then sent another.

Me: I do feel bad over what I texted you last night. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got into me and I promise I will never do anything like that again.

The dots that had been showing Hunter was writing to me, disappeared and then came back again.

H: That wasn’t something you need to apologise for, sweetness.

Me: I think I do. I made you feel uncomfortable and I don’t like the idea of me harassing you.

H: Ha ha, you are precious. Is that what you think? Don’t feel bad. You weren’t harassing me. I promise I will let you know if it ever happens.

I let out the breath I had been holding. His message did make me feel better about the whole thing. It still didn’t answer my question about how he felt about the whole thing. But I was too chicken to ask. I had just got myself out of trouble, I needed to stay that way.

H: What are your plans for today?

Me: I’m going to take it easy and prepare for starting my new job tomorrow.

H: That’s right. That’s tomorrow. Don’t be nervous, you will do great.

We continued texting for a while, with each text I felt a little better. I didn’t seem like I had ruined whatever it was between us. After telling him I would let him know how my first day went, I got ready and started to clean the apartment. About midday I got my new work laptop delivered to me along with instructions on how to log into it. I deliberately made sure I was busy throughout the day. It eased my nerves about the following day and let my mind wander. I had a lot of things to sort through. It was nice to feel safe in my own home again. I didn’t jump as soon as I heard a noise and I didn’t keep a constant eye on the taser. After thinking about it all day, I decided that I couldn’t blame myself for what Simon had done. He never told me what he did. Should I have been more involved? Maybe, but at that time in our relationship I had other things to deal with. I did feel bad for the lives he had helped to destroy, but I still didn’t feel responsible.

A week and a half later and I had got situated in my new job. To my surprise, I liked it. I woke up in the morning, had my breakfast and then I logged on. I spent my day answering questions that came in either through the dedicated phone line or email. The questions could be anything from how you booked a conference room, to how a software worked or what department handled a certain type of work. The person I had talked to during the interview had been right. The company had an impressive knowledge bank that I used for most calls. It was a nice job, most of the callers were nice and grateful and when my shift was over I could log out. There was nothing I needed to think of in my free time and we weren't asked to do overtime. The only thing that seemed off with my life was that I didn’t have a reason to see Hunter. I had gotten used to seeing him regularly. But we still texted every day. I had almost managed to forget my embarrassing episode. It was getting late in the afternoon, I only had half an hour left to work. The software on my laptop flashed a second before I heard the beep in my headphones, letting me know I had a incoming call.

“DCF’s helpline. You are talking with Hana, how can I help you today?” I answered. The phrase had been imprinted into me by now and I had to stop myself from using it when I answered my private phone.

“Oh, hello,” a man said on the other end. He sounded surprised. Maybe he hadn’t expected me to answer so quickly.

“How can I help you today, sir?” I asked.

“Right. So this is a bit embarrassing,” he said and then there was another pause.

“Not at all, sir. I’m here to help you,” I encouraged him. I heard him sigh.

“True. So it’s this new HR-system,” he said.

“I see. We have had quite a lot of calls regarding that all week,”I told him to make him feel less embarrassed.

“You have?”

“Yes, sir. What is it you need help with?”

“I got an email saying I need to approve an expense from someone. I tried to click on the link, but it didn’t work and now I have spent half an hour trying to find where I approve or decline this expense in the system. But it isn’t there, it just isn’t,” he told me. He sounded more desperate the longer his explanations went on.

“Oh, yes sir. The links in the emails are broken, the IT department is working on that at the moment.”

“They are?”

“Yes, sir. But in the meantime I can guide you to where you can see the expense. Are you sitting in front of the computer and have the program open?” I asked.

“I am,” he said. I guided him through the menus to find what he was looking for.

“You should now see the expense,” I said.

“I do. Oh thank the lord, I do. It was really hidden there,” the man said. He seemed nice and had a pleasant voice. I laughed at the relief in his voice.

“Yes, sir. If you don’t know where to look it’s easy to miss,” I agreed.

“Can I ask why a general email hasn’t been circulated with information regarding the broken links?” he asked.

“I’m not sure, sir. My colleague reported the issue to the IT department on Monday and then sent an email to our team so we would have the information,” I told him.

“Hmm, interesting. Thank you. This has been a very helpful conversation,” he said.

“That’s why I’m here, sir. I’m happy I could help you. I hope you have a nice evening.”

“The same to you.” After the call ended I looked at the clock and realised I could log out. I shut down the laptop and stood up to stretch my back. My phone pinged and I looked at it, it was Hunter. He was always careful not to text me when I was working.

H: Hi, my friend at the police department let me know he would be sending two detectives over to your place this afternoon.

I felt myself freeze. Then I told myself that Hunter would be there, I hadn’t done anything illegal. Well maybe transferring a couple of million dollars to the mob wasn’t legal. But, mostly I hadn’t done something I could get arrested for.

Me: Ok, when?

H: I convinced them to do the interview at my office instead. I’m coming to pick you up in five minutes.

Five minutes? Fuck, I was a hot mess. I didn’t plan to see people today. I ran into the bedroom and exchanged my yoga pants and tank top for jeans and a sweater. I let my hair down and tried to make it look decent when I heard my phone ping. I knew what it meant as I hurried into the kitchen to check.

H: On my way up.

I spent the two minutes it took him to climb the stairs to calm my breathing. We hadn’t seen each other for almost two weeks. I felt the butterflies in my stomach, which was really stupid. This wasn’t a date, how much my stomach was trying to tell me it was.