Chapter 115

The door to my office opened with force.

“Now is really not a good time,” I heard Clair calling to Jason.

“I don’t give a fuck. Hold his calls and rebook any meetings. This might take a while,” he told her and slammed the door shut.

“What?” I asked. I could hear the annoyance in my own voice.

“Yeah, that is my question as well. Whatever stick is up your ass, you need to tell me so I can pull it out. You are scaring the men,” he said. He was standing on the opposite side of my desk, arms folded over his chest and glaring at me.

“That’s not new,” I told him. Both Jason and I were grumpy, but Jason also had a child-like quality when he relaxed which made the men relax around him. I was just mostly grumpy. So they feared me, but I also knew they respected me so it didn’t bother me.

“This kind of fear is. I just saw James standing in the waiting area trying to psyche himself up to give you his final report. James has never been scared to go near you. The men might have kept a distance from you, but that's because they look up to you. Everyone knows I’m the fun uncle and you are the strict dad around here. But now they are afraid to breathe the wrong way around you. Did you see how you cleared out the dining hall yesterday when you came to have lunch?” Jason asked. I hadn’t noticed anything yesterday. Well, I had noticed that no one bothered me, but I was just happy about it. I had enough shit to think about without people bothering me with new shit. I just grunted. “You have been in a foul mood for two weeks. I have never seen you this bad before. I’m thinking only two people can put you out like this. One of them is adjusting to life in a prison cell, so I doubt it’s him. So it’s Hana?” Jason asked. I glared at him.

“Get the fuck out of my office and stop meddling in my life,” I told him.

“Fine. Be an ass about it. I’ll just go and ask her and then come back and we can talk,” he said. Turning his back on me. I was up and out of my chair in record time.

“You stay away from her! She doesn't need you coming around at the moment. If you have something to say, you say it to me,” I yelled at him. He turned around and a look of genuine surprise was all over his face.

“Hunter, do you think I’m going to hurt her? Since when does Hana need protection from me?” he asked. He sounded hurt.

“You may hurt her without knowing it. She doesn't need stress or drama. Just leave her alone, okay?” I said and sat down. I hated this entire conversation and wished Jason would just go away.

“Is she sick? Is that why you are acting like this? Because you can’t handle your feelings about her being sick? Fuck, it has to be serious if you’re acting like this.” It was like he was talking to himself. Then he went pale and he looked at me. “It’s not cancer, is it? Oh fuck, it is. Fuck, fuck. Right, we can fix this. Remember that big shot doctor we helped a few years back? He must have some connections and he was happy with our services. We’ll call him. We will make sure she gets the best treatment. Money is not an issue,” he said and started pacing back and forth on the other side of my desk. In a way his concern had me in a better mood. It showed how much he had bonded with Hana, how much he saw her as family. But in another way I hated it. Because it put me in a position where I had to tell him why I was in this mood. I couldn’t let him go on thinking Hana was deathly ill.

“She is not sick,” I told him. Jason stopped pacing.

“Then what is it? Something is seriously wrong. Has she met someone new already? Tom Smith seemed rather cosy with her when we were there at the opening,” Jason said. I clenched my fists as the thought took root in my brain. The idea of another man with Hana, especially now, made my blood boil.

“No, it’s not another man,” I told him.

“Okay. You say that, but your jaw is so tightly clenched that I think you might shatter a tooth or two.”

“Hana invited me out to lunch two weeks ago,” I told him.

“And that upset you, why?”

“It didn’t upset me, you idiot. She told me something that upset me.”

“Okay. Well, it wasn’t that she was sick or that she met someone new. So what could be bad enough to warrant this mood?” I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands over my face.

“She told me she’s pregnant,” I told him.

“By another man?” he asked. I jumped out of my chair again.

“Fuck no! Why would you say that? What the fuck is wrong with you when that is the first thought that pops into your brain?” I shouted at him.

“Well, beg your finest pardon, Mr Grumpy pants. It was the only reason I could see news like that would have you in this bad of a mood. You’re telling me it’s your baby?” he asked.

“Of course it’s my baby. We had a … thing… in the courthouse bathroom.” Jason started to chuckle and I glared at him.

“Didn’t think you had that in you. The court house bathrooms don’t even have locks on the doors. Good on you for living on the edge.”

“How do you know? You know what? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

“Wait. Why the fuck are you here moping all moody and scaring the shit out of our men?”

“I need a moment to digest the idea,” I told him.

“Digest the idea? You're not a boa constrictor after eating an ox. Please don’t tell me you have been this grumpy around her as well. If she is pregnant she doesn't need all this negativity,” he said. I sighed and slumped back in my chair again. I was too old for this shit.

“I haven’t spoken with her since she told me,” I confessed. Jason looked at me in pure disbelief. Then anger filled his eyes.

“You haven’t spoken with her in two weeks? She tells you she is carrying your child and you go no contact? What the actual fuck man! Do I need to beat your ass?”

“She said she didn’t want anything from me. That she knew I didn’t want kids and that was fine. She just wanted to let me know. Which was decent of her.”

“Right,” he said. I could tell he didn’t mean it.

“Look, it’s not like I didn’t offer. I told her I would do the right thing and she basically blew me off and walked out of the restaurant. Okay? I tried, she rejected me.”

“Please, please tell me you did not use those words when you talked to her,” he said.

“What? Why? What is wrong with them?” I asked.

“You did. What the fuck am I going to do with your stupid ass? You told her she, and the baby, are a burden, but you are willing to take them on. Of course she turned you down. Fuck, she probably went to easy on you. I bet she was all nice about it and wished you a happy life or some shit like that. What she should have done was to call me and Chef and we would have taken you out back and kicked your sorry ass.”

“What are you talking about? I mean, both Hana and I know I don’t want a child. That is the reason we’re not together. I don’t blame her for the situation, we both got a little bit too excited and we forgot to take precautions. But the fact is I don’t want a child and she understands it,” I explained.

“First of all, damned straight it isn’t her fault. It’s your dick. You have the responsibility to keep it coated. And as for the rest. You are so stubborn that I wonder if there is room for a brain in that thick head of yours. I know you have talked yourself into believing you are a bad father. But it’s just bullshit. After that first deployment we did, when we lost half our team and found ourselves with half a team of men that was hardly grown up enough to drink, you have become the team’s dad. Everyone always comes to you with problems. You were the one that kept the rest of us on the straight and narrow. Fuck, most of us never had a father and you just stepped right up. Do you think half of us would be where we are if it weren’t for you? And the same goes for our men now. We joke about them fearing you, but the truth is they respect you. When they are having issues at home, who do they come to? You! And have you seen yourself at the summer BBQ? It’s like you attract kids like cow shit attracts flies. You are always off doing shit to entertain the kids so the parents can relax. And don’t tell me you don’t like it. We both know you do. So don’t give me crap about not wanting to be a father. Not when it comes to Hana. I didn’t say anything because I thought you would figure it out, and Hana seemed in no hurry to move on so I thought we had time. I didn’t think you were crazy enough to pull something like this!” He stopped for a moment to catch his breath.

“Jason,” I said. He glared at me.

“Shut up! I’m not done,” Jason told me. “You think you were a bad father because you weren’t there for Simon. Sure, great, if that makes you feel all better in a broody, moping kind of way, good on you. But don’t you see you are doing the same thing, but worse, again? If you being away for months during Simon’s childhood made him the person he is. And I’m not saying that is the case, because that is just bullshit. But if it were true, what does that mean for this baby that you won’t even see at all?” He stopped talking and just stared at me. I was stunned into silence. But I wasn’t ready to admit defeat.

“Look. It’s nice that you try to help me and all. But I think this will be for the best. Hana and the baby will be fine and I can continue living my life as I want to,” I said. Even if it sounded hollow to me.

“You know what? Fine! Be the idiot. I’m going to talk to Chef and we will figure out how to support Hana and the child the best we can. And don’t worry, we won’t mention either of them in your presence. Fucking stupid moron that has self sabotaging as a fucking hobby,” he muttered as he left my office. I wanted to tell him to stay away from Hana, not to upset her. But I knew he wouldn’t listen.