Chapter 168: Seeking therapy

Valeria's POV

That night at Tessa's house, I barely slept. I tossed and turned until exhaustion finally dragged me into an uncomfortable sleep.

When morning came, my eyes felt heavy, my head ached, and there was this dull emptiness sitting right in the middle of my chest.

Tessa had lent me one of her uniforms since mine were at Zayne's.

I stood in front of her mirror, fixing my collar while staring at my reflection.

I looked terrible.

My eyes were swollen from crying, and I knew it would be very obvious that I'd cried myself to sleep.

"You don't have to go to school today," Tessa said from behind me.

I met her eyes through the mirror. "We have a test."

"Val..."

"I'll be fine."

She sighed.

A few minutes later, she drove us to school. Immediately we walked into a classroom, my eyes instinctively searched for him. But he wasn't there.

Tessa led me to my seat, and I sat.

I sat there like a mannequin, just staring into space.

Every time I heard a motorcycle outside, my heart thudded. Every time someone walked past me, a small part of me hoped it would be him.

But Zayne never showed up.

Again. This was the third day in a row.

The test came and went. I knew how I stared at the questions for what felt like an eternity before forcing myself to answer them. It wasn't like I didn't know the answers, but my mind just kept drifting back to the rooftop.

We're over.

His voice just wouldn't leave my head.

By the time the bell rang for break, I felt completely drained. Tessa came to my desk and dropped her hands onto it.

I flinched and slowly looked up at her.

"Come on. Let's get something to eat," she said.

I shook my head as I began arranging my books. "You go ahead," I said in a soft tone.

"You're not hungry?"

"Not really."

"Val... You barely ate this morning."

"I need to see Mrs. Fischer."

She immediately understood, her expression softening. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I think I need to talk to her."

Tessa didn't argue. Instead, she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, closing my eyes as I rested my cheek against her shoulder.

"You'll be okay," she whispered.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I hope so."

She pulled away and gave me a small smile before walking out of the classroom.

I took a deep breath and continued packing my things. My hands were moving slowly while my mind was somewhere else entirely.

Finally, I picked up my bag and stood. The moment I turned around, I collided with someone.

"Whoa." A pair of hands immediately caught my arms, steadying me before I could stumble backward.

I looked up.

It was Rowan. I had barely even noticed him throughout class.

"Oh," I breathed.

He released me slowly.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I wasn't looking."

He nodded, his eyes studying my face. He gently and hesitantly tilted my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. Then his brows pulled together.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I forced a small smile. "I'll be okay."

"Val..." He didn't look convinced. "You're going through a rough time?"

"Yeah. But I'll be fine. Maybe." I chuckled awkwardly. "I'll just try to be fine."

There was a time when I would've smiled harder and lied that I was fine. I would've fixed my hair, applied lip gloss and mascara, and pretended everything was perfect just so nobody would see the cracks underneath.

But I wasn't that girl anymore. I didn't want to pretend anymore. Not when I was hurting this badly.

Because pretending never made the pain disappear. It only messed me up even more.

So this was me now.

Raw. Messy. Broken. And, for once, authentic.

Rowan's expression changed. He looked like he wanted to ask more, but I shook my head.

"I just... need to talk to Mrs. Fischer, and I'll be fine."

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "I'll see you later."

I walked past him before he could say anything else. I left the classroom and headed toward Mrs. Fischer's office.

I knew myself. I couldn't handle Zayne's absence, the breakup, and school all at once. For the first time in my life, I was seeking therapy and counseling, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

Finally, I reached Mrs. Fischer's office.

As I sat in the chair across from her, I remembered the first day Zayne and I had come in here to see her coincidentally. This was the same chair I had sat in while he sat in the other.

My gaze settled on the empty chair. I remembered him that day, with his hoodie and a worried expression when Mrs. Fischer told him about his scholarship.

Oh Lord. Would I survive this?

Every damn thing... every damn action reminded me of him.

"Valeria?" Mrs. Fischer's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I blinked and looked up at her. "Sorry."

She gave me a small smile. "You've been staring at the same spot for almost two minutes."

I glanced down at my hands, which were folded tightly in my lap. "Yeah. Sorry."

"You wanted a session." She leaned back in her chair. "What's going on?"

I took a slow breath then cleared my throat. "I'm trying to... figure out how to balance everything."

"Everything?"

I nodded. "Yeah. School. My social life. Relationships. Just... my life in general."

She remained quiet, allowing me to continue.

"I really want to focus on my academics. I want to do well. I want to get my life together and actually figure out what I'm doing with myself." I paused. "But sometimes it feels like there's just too much happening at once."

"That's understandable."

"I don't want my personal life to affect my grades. But I also don't know how to just switch off everything I'm feeling whenever I walk into a classroom or... during a test. Like today."

She nodded slowly.

"I'm barely concentrating." I pressed my lips into a tight line. "I don't even know how to distract myself. I don't know how to pretend anymore that I'm fine. It's like... I can never move on. And this is a new approach for me. I always knew how to handle everything."