Chapter 22

I ALWAYS FELT barely tethered to reality at this time of the day. After spending hours in the sun and sea and coming back to the house to shower and get ready to go out once more. When the the sun is slowly saying it's goodbyes and the waves are calmer. I felt here but only just. Standing in front of the large windows above the sink, looking out onto the beach, the soft breeze brushed onto my sunburnt skin, cooling it. My hair was still wet and fell down my back, smelling of summer and salt. I held a mug of raspberry tea in my hands, wanting to hold onto this feeling forever. "No daughter of Andrea could be ready this fast." David chuckles from behind and I glance over my shoulder to see him shuffling into the kitchen. I chuckle and turn around, leaning back against the large white sink. "Well, when you've accidentally shown up into a lecture in your unicorn pyjama shorts it teaches you a few things on not caring." I shrug as I explain and David takes a seat at the island block. Since it was Michael's first night back in Holden Bay, we were all going out to his restaurant of choice—it was also part arcade. Everyone was currently getting ready since there's only two showers and after a race up the stairs, Penn and I managed to get in first. As my mother and Emily's mother are good friends and Emily often babysat Michael, she was invited out tonight too. She had spent the entire day with us at the beach too. She's a really sweet girl and she seems to be getting along with everyone. I'm sick and tired of being weary and hating everyone who's not from my friend group. My first year of college was a fucking nightmare; anyone who came up to me honestly scared me shitless. I'm so damn tired of being fearful. "Everyone would've been jealous anyway." David points out and I nod with a small scoff. "Anyway's, I'm glad you're here first because I've been needing to talk to you." "Oh shit." My eyes widen as I walk forward and place my mug down on to the island block. "It's nothing serious," David chuckles at me, "I just want to make sure that everything's alright with you." I frown with a small amused scoff, "With me?" "I want you to know that I see you as my own daughter, Hayden, and I've noticed that you...you seem different." David explains and I know my frown turns into confusion as he continues, "You're one of the most badass and strong-willed women I have ever met, the other one being your mother. When I first met you I remember thinking 'holy shit I do not want to go up against this girl when there's only one rotisserie chicken left at the supermarket'." "That happened once. The lady broke her ankle but moral of the story, I got my chicken and it was delicious." I explain as David laughs at me and shakes his head at the preposterous but completely true story. "I'm glad it was," David smiles softly at me, "And I understand, given the circumstances of the past, that this is change in behaviour is natural. But you were doing so well and we were so proud of you but now...it's like there's a part of you missing." I run a hand through my hair and sigh out in frustration, "Oh fuck..." "What? What's wrong Hayden, you can tell me." David leans forward with a worried expression on his face and I run a hand down my face. "I uh..." I mumble as I place my hands on my hips, "I've stopped..." "Stopped what?" David frowns before realisation washes over his face, "You've stopped going to therapy?" I nod, "It wasn't help—" "You've stopped going to therapy?" I glance to my left to see Chase standing at the bottom of the stairs, his expression blank as always. "Chase, you weren't meant to hear that." I shake my head as I straighten my spine. He begins to walk towards us in the kitchen. "Fuck if I wasn't meant to hear it or not!" Chase exclaims as he stops at the end of the island block, "When did you stop, Jones?" "About three months before we..." I trail off, watching a flicker of pain cross his face, "It wasn't helping anymore. The nightmares had stopped and I didn't see his face on stranger's in the street anymore! I was fine—I am fine." "Were you cleared by your therapist? By a psychiatrist?" Chase questions as he folds his arms. "No..." I trail off as I look away from his intense glare, "But what does it matter anyway? You got shot and you only went to therapy for a few months." "Because I wasn't the one who was fucking held hostage!" Chase exclaims as I inhale deeply at the word hostage. "Fuck you, Everett. You don't get a say in this. You don't have to care anymore." I point at him as I narrow my eyes at him. Chase pauses as he stares at me for a while, before he begins to chuckle darkly. He runs a hand through his hair, "Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want, Hayden." And then he turned and walked back upstairs. I stare at the stairs across the space for a while before sighing and placing my hand to my forehead and the other to my hip. "Why is it so damn hard." I whisper to myself as I feel David walk around the island block and wrap his arms around me. "Because you still love each other so much." David whispers to me, "It wouldn't hurt if you didn't love him." I sigh out heavily once more and nod. David was right, because it hurt so fucking much. ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ After cooling down and making myself another mug of raspberry tea, I make my way upstairs. Part of me wanted to go to Chase, tell him I'm sorry and I miss him so much and that I just want to be with him. He's ruined me completely and I don't think I'll ever be able to give my heart to someone in the same way I gave it to him. I hear giggling coming from my room and being the snoopy-assed-nose gal that I am, I investigate. When I push the bedroom door open I see my mother, Vera and Emily sitting on the bed laughing at something. "Hay!" Vera grins as I walk in with a curious frown. "What's going on here?" I question, noticing all the clothes on the floor and bed. "Well, Emily didn't have any clothes to go out to dinner in so we were just helping her." My mother explains from where she sat on the comfy white arm chair in the corner. The setting sun streamed through the open windows, creating a beautiful glow to the room. "That's my dress." I state before I could stop myself as I eye the blue floral, spaghetti trapped dress sitting in Emily's lap. She nervously plays with the material as she looks to Vera or my mother for help. "My super model legs are just too long for Em and she's about your size." Vera explains as she glances down at Emily who sat criss-cross in the middle of our bed. Emily was about my height but  she had a very model like figure. Not that there was anything wrong with that, she was a very beautiful girl. She just had smaller hips, breasts and butt. "If that's not ok with you I'll just go out in what I wore the beach." Emily says as she looks up at me with a worried expression. But there was something about her stare that said otherwise. "Of course not! Trust me, if you were my size I'd be sending you out in Gucci and Prada, my darling." Vera chuckles as Emily laughs awkwardly. "Remember when you two use to wear matching bedazzled tracksuits?" My mother laughs as she claps her hands, "It was so cute!" "I can't!" Vera squeals in excitement as her and my mother laugh together. "It's totally fine that Em wears it. Right Hay?" I say through gritted teeth, "Sure..."