Chapter 34 - EVE

I wasn't as committed to therapy as Amelie was. In fact, most of the time, when I did show up, it was boring. Dr. Hans was nice, in a way, but he was too handsome, and he often put me off. I had typically considered the idea of flirting with him, but he was married and ridiculously faithful for a man. As far as I knew, he had two children.

"Good afternoon, EVE," he had said. "I'm sorry to bother you with whatever it is you do when you're not in control of your body," he said. "I needed to talk to you, now that a lot of things seem to be happening."

"Well, I think Amelie must have told you everything that's happened," I said. "I don't know what you expect me to tell you that might be new," I said indifferently. Dr. Hans was very astute. I didn't always have an insight into what Amelie was going through, but in the sessions, I had an idea of how it worked. The truth was that her therapy was different from mine. I felt that with her, he was less astute and more defensive, perhaps because she was the naïve one out of the two of us. With me, the conversation was different and more direct. Part of the reason he didn't tell Amelie anything transcended the concept of professional secrecy. Maybe if he did, she'd go crazy.

"I think you have more to add," he said, staring at me. "It seems you've finally found someone to elevate your pleasure tastes," he said directly. I'd expected him to mention that. Of course, Amelie vented about everything, and consequently, that included me.

"Are you talking about Axel?" I asked, trying to evade the question. I knew exactly that he was talking about him, but winding it up would make the session end faster. The less time I spent in that place, the better. "Axel is my sexual partner. That hasn't changed," I said, being honest.

"From what I understand, you've found someone who satisfies you better than he does," Dr. Hans said. "I remember you mentioning that he was just a temporary toy," he said. I knew that, at some point, he would use that card. No problem; I knew what to say.

"That was a long time ago," I said. It was true. Amelie had been going to therapy for a long time. It shouldn't be unusual for him to dig up information like that, especially if he wanted to get more. "I don't think Axel is disposable. Of course, Carbon was better than him, but that doesn't mean anything," I said nonchalantly. It sounded like he wanted me to feel guilty about something. He wouldn't be able to. I had no regrets. Besides, he couldn't judge my personal life as if he were part of it.

"So you mean things are going to stay the same for you?" he asked me. "Do you think that all this newness won't change anything in your life and that everything will continue as if nothing had happened?" he asked me. I was still trying to understand what he was getting at with those questions. Were they just part of something bigger? Maybe there was something specific he wanted to know, but I couldn't ask, or at least not directly.

"Everything's the same," I replied, "nothing's changed. I did my job, as usual. Then I went home and slept. Amelie is the one who should be here now, and that's not my responsibility," I informed him. "There's nothing to worry about, Doctor," I informed him. Did he really think I was worried about anything? It was a joke. I've never been better.

"EVE, are you afraid of losing Axel?" he asked, staring at me deeply. It was a really serious question, and perhaps it was the big question he had been waiting to ask. I didn't know what Amelie had been saying to him, but I always thought it was pretty clear that my work and personal life were my problems and that I had complete control over them. I told him that there was no reason for me to be afraid of losing Axel. "And have you ever stopped to think that not everything is in your control? You know that he can leave you whenever he wants, don't you?"

"Axel wouldn't do that. He likes me, and he's constantly asking me to marry him," I told him, even though he already knew that. "There's no reason for any of that. I always made it clear to him that our relationship was purely carnal. I like him, I confess, but only as a sexual partner," I admitted. "If he knows that, there's no problem."

"And you've been at it for so long, haven't you? Of course, he wasn't so worried about anything before, but now it's different. He's not your number one anymore. How do you think he'll react to that? Do you think that knowing this, he'll continue to go after you, using you as he pleases? That's if you still want him. Have you ever thought that maybe he's tired of being used and wants to be truly loved?" he asked me. He was very nosy, and way out of line. I wanted to swap with Amelie, but I couldn't, and maybe I wouldn't be able to.

"And what are you implying? Are you saying that Axel is going to leave me? Spare me, but he's not that needy and sensitive. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but these have always been the terms of our relationship. Everything is perfect," I said. I really couldn't believe that Axel would leave me for such a little thing. He wasn't a coward.

"It doesn't look like that's what's happening. Apparently, Axel is very upset and sad about what's going on. He seems to have had a lot to say to Amelie," he said. I couldn't say for sure, as I hadn't seen anything of the two of them interacting. Most of the time, I didn't have visions of Amelie. Shit, that would have been a great moment to have seen it. "As I recall, in an earlier session, you mentioned that one of your fears was being swapped for Amelie. You didn't specify at the time, but I can tell it was about him, right?" he asked, staring at me. He was a bastard.

"I don't remember that," I said, lying. Of course, I remembered saying that. I would never forget it, but I wouldn't admit anything. In my mind, there was no way Axel would leave me, especially not as someone like Amelie. They just didn't fit.

"Don't you think that by leaving Axel behind, he'll start to look around better? Maybe he'll cling to her beauty but in a different way. He may see in Amelie what you refused. I think her kindness and the fact that they've known each other for years might trigger some feelings in him. If he's not already thinking about it, is he? Is he defending Amelie?" he asked. Dr. Hans was almost a monster. His reputation was well deserved.

"Amelie has nothing to do with me. Axel wouldn't fall in love with her. Anyway, she's completely in love with Dorian. Axel wouldn't stand a chance with her," I said, defending myself and trying to take my mind off things.

"That's what you think. In fact, he may have fallen in love with her first, and since he couldn't, he turned to you. We can also consider that perhaps he never considered liking her because of Dorian. But now, having been discarded, he may open his eyes and finally realize that it can pay to invest in someone who values him. Even with Dorian, I think he'd make an effort. That way, he'd get rid of you," he told me.

"If Amelie heard that, I think she'd stop seeing you. It's nice to know how you support her relationship. You're already sticking someone else in the middle," I said, sidestepping the issue. If he thought he was clever, I'd show him I was more so.

"My job is to see everything from both sides. I don't just serve her, so I can't just focus on her reality. Here, EVE, I see her, and that's why I consider you a totally different person from her. As far as I'm concerned, you have your own life, and my job is to help you solve any problems you may have with it. I know you don't think you need to, but you do. Anyway, think about what I've told you and start thinking about what you want to do because if things continue like this, you're going to miss out on a lot. You think things won't change, but they will. Think about it! I hope to see you next week.

That was the end of the session.

I went to the car, where Axel was already waiting for me. I got in, furious, slamming the door. "EVE?" he asked me, startled. Of course, it wasn't normal for him to have found me at that time of day, and I honestly wish I'd swapped with Amelie again.