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Kade’s pov
Whatever trance I had been in, weared off the longer I stayed in the cold and pondered what had just happened.
I hadn’t intentionally intended to go far in touching her, feeling her around my fingers. I just wanted a taste of her lips so I’d finally get some rest.
It’s been an entire two weeks after kissing her and still, I couldn’t sleep properly, too plagued by the images of her flushed face. By the feel of her. By the taste of her lips. The feel of her when she’s in my
arms.
So when I did press my lips to hers, it was enough to send all caution out of the window. I was entranced by her, truly bewitched.
And that craving in my dark heart to take everything, every first of hers was growing and growing until I couldn’t think straight anymore.
I pushed my head backward, intentionally bumping my head on the wall behind me.
I knew this was a bad idea. A very bad idea and I should’ve fought harder.
I clench my eyes tightly, a flashback occurring in my mind.
*flashback*
“Kade baby, you’re home,” Mom’s blue eyes shine as she peers at me. Her blonde hair was tangled, her head resting on the belly of a plump man who looked knocked out cold. He snores.
At least he isn’t dead.
I closed the door with my foot, my hands fisting at my sides. It wasn’t the first time she brought strange men, especially men who reeked in here. But she promised she’d not bring another one, after one nearly raped her the last time.
I should’ve known her promises meant nothing.
I nudged my head at the sleeping fucker who looked like he hadn’t showered for days. “Who’s this fucker?
She cringes, reaching out for the half empty bottle of beer on the old coffee table. Her eyes were so red and her skin was extremely pale. My stomach wrenched.
She took a swig, making an ahh sound after wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I had to pay the bills somehow Kade.” Was her only reply as she tore her eyes away from me and focus them on the television that played porn.
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The sounds of the soft moans coming from the TV repulsed me.
I wanted to vomit.
“I gave you money to pay the bills mom. What did you do with the money?” I draw in a calming breath so I’d not lose my cool when it came to her.
I took a job at the shitty grocery store a few blocks down our apartment building. It didn’t pay much, but it was enough to pay the bills and buy a few stuff to eat. Bonus was when I got discounts on the food
sometimes.
I could’ve easily gotten a second job, but with school currently screwing my ass I couldn’t take up too
much.
Her eyes suddenly watered as her fingers pinched the cushion of the sofa. A habit she does whenever she lies and feels extremely guilty. She moves off the fucker and tries to fix her tangled mess of hair.
I let out a heavy breath through my nose, frustration having my head pound. I knew what she used it for. But also knew she wouldn’t admit to it.
“I bought some red apples with it. I know you like red apples.” She says.
I know she was lying, and I knew, she knew I knew she was lying. But she didn’t even bother coming up with a better lie, so why would I bother treating her like a fragile doll?
I marched over to the fridge, roughly prying the door open. Empty.
Fucking empty.
I turn around, my eyes falling on the back of her head. She was refusing to look at me knowing that I had already exposed her lies.
“You liar! You bought it didn’t you? You bought coke!” I snarled, angry that my money had been wasted on such a bad thing that can kill her.
She turns her head slowly, her red eyes watching me over the back of the sofa. “I didn’t Kade-
Stop lying! God stop lying! I knew it. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you with the money.” I snapped, hearing the fucker on the couch shift from hearing my loud tone.
Good, it will be easier to kick him out.
Mom’s eyes widen slightly. “Don’t you dare speak to me like that! I’m your mother!” She grounds out, moving off the sofa, staggering to her feet. 3
She nearly topples on the fucker, but rights herself quickly. She was probably drunk as well.
“Then act like one! ” I snapped. I knew I was harsh but sometimes she needed to hear those things,
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hopefully, those words will be enough to get through her skull and make her realize that her actions, were only going to get her six feet under.
She visibly flinches but places on a nasty scowl. ” You think you’re better than me? Think again, Kade. Our entire family line is filled with fuck ups. We’ll never be good enough for anyone and we can never have a place in society where others will look up to us. So don’t act like you’re such a good guy because you now work in a fucking grocery store. You’ll still end up like me. Worthless and useless. People don’t love people like us Kade. They sneer- (2
I shook my head, my throat tightening. ” You’re wrong.”
“Am I? Am I really wrong!? Look at yourself in the mirror, you look like me! It wouldn’t be long until you
act like me-
“You’re wrong!” I blasted, my voice sounding through the walls of the old apartment.
She jumps, nearly toppling because of her unbalanced foot.
“I’ll never be like you,” I whispered.
She shakes her head, staring at me in pity. “It’s already in our blood Kade. We’re dirty. Our fate is to always be the fuck ups. We aren’t good people and we don’t deserve good people. This is our life Kade. No rainbows and sunshine. We’re alone.” She reaches for the bottle of beer on the table again and takes a swig. (4)
Opening her arms, she yells. “Welcome to our fucked up lives.”
* End of flashback *
I don’t know how long I had been in the cold but the chill was now getting to me.
I move off the wall, blinking away the moisture I felt in them at the memory. That memory was four months before she died. Things went downhill from there. Although it was already bad, it had gotten
worst.
I took a quick peek through the window. Austin wasn’t there anymore and he had already put off the light. I must’ve been here for longer than I thought, too deep in my head to have not heard the sound of the door opening and closing.
Sighing heavily, I got back inside the bathroom and made my way to the door. With my hand on the handle, I stopped for a second to draw in a calming breath, trying to keep my heart at a steady beat.
That memory.
It wasn’t one I’d want to remember.
It was one of the worst quarrels mom and I ever had.
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Was also one of the many reasons why I should’ve stayed away from Mia.
Cause mom was right. We don’t deserve good people. And Mia, she was too good in many ways.
I opened the door and walked towards my bedroom door, I stopped in front of it. Turn around to stare at hers, my fingers itching to go to her, my lips tingling to press to hers, my body burning to warm hers.
I wanted her.
It’s already in our blood Kade. We’re dirty. Our fate is to always be the fuck ups. We aren’t good people and we don’t deserve good people.
Her words are like a chant in my ears, one that I wouldn’t willingly listen to. But those words were haunting, plaguing my mind with images of me actually turning out to be like my mother.
And it’s enough to have me clench my eyes tightly and quickly enter my room. 1
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.