Chapter 61 CONFINED
CHAPTER 061: CONFINED
The academy feels smaller when you don't have anywhere to go.
I stand at the main gates three days after Oracle Mira dropped her apocalypse bomb in the academy, staring at the barrier between me and the bomb.
"Staring at it won't make it disappear," Luna says behind me.
I don't turn around, I just replied. "That's worth a try."
She moves beside me, close enough that our shoulders touch. My twin, who I didn't know existed until a few weeks ago, who's now trapped here because of me. Because she chose to stay when she could have run.
"How are you adjusting?" I ask.
"To being surrounded by vampires and witches and demons and other supernatural beings? Or to finding out my sister is basically a cosmic weapon?"
"Both."
She laughs but it sounds tired. "Pack’s life was simpler. We had rules, hierarchies but here everyone's just trying not to die."
"Welcome to my world."
"Yeah well your world sucks."
I almost smile.
A group of students passes behind us, their voices dropping to whispers when they see me. They were taking about the hollow king and the prophecy.
Luna frowned. "I can shut them up if you want."
"It's fine."
"It's not fine. You saved their lives and they treat you like a bomb."
"Maybe I am a bomb." I finally turn away from the gates. "Oracle Mira basically said I'm summoning ancient evils just by existing. So yeah. Bomb."
"That's not what she meant."
"Isn't it?"
We walk back toward the main building in silence. Students move out of our path without seeming to realize they're doing it.
"I just spent weeks fighting for my life," I say quietly. "Now I'm stuck here doing homework."
Luna snorts. "It could be worse. At least you're alive to complain about homework."
"Sofia said the same thing."
"Because it's true."
We part ways when we reach the stairs. She heads to combat training, I head to the magical chamber. My least favorite class because Professor Elms talks for ninety minutes straight without breathing and expects us to take notes on everything.
The classroom goes quiet when I walk in.
I ignore it, and slide into my usual seat in the back. Kieran's already there, his amber eyes tracking my movements. He doesn't say anything, just shifts slightly so his shoulder presses against mine.
Through the bond I feel his concern, his frustration at not knowing how to help.
Alaric sits in front of us, perfectly postured as always. Cassian's to my left, already doodling in his notebook. Zev's across the room, watching everything with those amber eyes that see everything.
Professor Elms starts lecturing about dimensional barriers and I stop paying attention after five minutes.
My mind drifts to my Mom. To the white space where I saw her after using the blade. Except that was a dream or a dying hallucination. Which means I didn't get to say goodbye.
Kieran's hand hold mine under the desk. His palm is rough, and warm. I squeeze once and he squeezes back.
Class ends eventually. Then another class. Then lunch where I push food around my plate while everyone talks around me.
By dinner I'm exhausted from pretending to be okay.
"You should rest," Alaric says as we leave the dining hall.
"I'm fine."
"You're not."
"Alaric please."
He studies me with those dark eyes. "Very well. But if you need anything—"
"I'll let you know."
He doesn't believe me but he shrugged and let it go.
I make it back to my room and collapse on the bed. Staring at the ceiling.
One, two, three, four, I count the ceiling.
Someone knocks.
"Go away," I call.
The door opens anyway. Corvus steps inside, looking older than I've ever seen him.
"We need to talk," he says.
"I'm tired."
"Nevertheless."
He sits in the chair by my desk, and gestures for me to sit up. I do, reluctantly.
"You've been through enough trauma for ten lifetimes," he says without preamble. "You need to process it."
"I'm processing fine."
"You're not sleeping. You're barely eating. You're going through motions without being present." His gaze is steady. "I'm not asking Thalira. I'm telling you. You have an appointment with the academy counselor tomorrow morning."
My stomach twists. "I don't need therapy."
"Everyone needs therapy after what you've experienced."
"I'm fine."
"Stop saying that when we both know it's a lie."
I look away.
"If I break—" My voice cracks. "If I break people die."
"If you don't break now, in a safe place, you'll shatter later in a dangerous one." He stands, and moves to the door. "Tomorrow morning. Nine AM. Don't make me drag you there."
He leaves before I can argue.
I don't sleep that night.
The next morning I drag myself to the counselor's office in the east wing. It's smaller than I expected, warm and filled with plants. Like someone's attempting to make it feel safe.
The counselor is a woman who looks maybe sixty, with gray hair and kind eyes. She introduces herself as Dr. Miriam.
"I don't want to be here," I say immediately.
"Most people don't." She settles into her chair across from me. "But you're here anyway. So let's make the most of it."
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"How about the truth?"
I laughed bitterly. "The truth? The truth is I've died five times. My mother sacrificed herself to save me. I killed the Hollow King. I found out I have a twin sister. I'm apparently summoning ancient evils just by existing. And everyone expects me to be okay with all of it."
"Are you okay with it?"
"No."
"Good. That would be concerning if you were."
I blink. "What?"
"You've experienced severe trauma. Multiple times. The fact that you're not okay is the healthiest response you could have." She leans forward slightly. "You're allowed to not be strong Thalira. You're allowed to break."
Something in my chest breaks.
"I can't," I whisper. "If I break—"
"You won't break permanently. You'll break and then you'll heal. That's how it works."
"You don't understand. People depend on me."
"And you can't help anyone if you're running on empty."
The tears I've been holding in for minutes burn my eyes. I blink them back furiously.
"It's okay to mourn what you've lost while being grateful for what you have," Dr. Miriam says gently.
That's what breaks me.
I cry for the first time since Mom died, the kind of cries that makes your throat hurt and your nose run. I cry for her, for the childhood I never got, for the normal life that was stolen. For having to be strong when I just want to be seventeen.
Dr. Miriam doesn't try to stop me. She just sits there, and steady while I fall apart.
When I finally stop, my face is swollen and my head aches.
"How do you feel?" she asks.
"Like garbage."
"That's normal. Grief is exhausting." She hands me tissues. "But you did good work today."
"Crying is work?"
"Some of the hardest work there is."
I leave her office feeling raw and exposed. Like I've been turned inside out.
Kieran's waiting in the hallway. The bond probably alerted him to my breakdown.
His eyes scan my face, taking in the red eyes and blotchy skin. "What happened?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You're not fine."
"Kieran please, not now."
"Then when?" His voice is rough, and frustrated. "When are you going to let me in? When are you going to stop pretending?"
"Thalira—"
I walk past him. Away from his concern and the bond pulling me back toward him. I need space. I need to not be the Phoenix Soul for five minutes.
He doesn't follow. I feel his helplessness through the bond, his desperate need to fix what he can't fix.
I make it to the courtyard before my legs give out. I fall onto a bench near the fountain.
That's when I see her.
A girl I don't recognize, standing by the gates. She's watching me with an intense look that makes my skin crawl. She has dark hair, pale skin, and dark eyes.
Our gazes meet and she smiles.
Then she's disappear.
My phone buzzes. It's an unknown number.
The text says: We've been waiting for you Phoenix Soul. The Covenant sends their
regards.
I look back at where the girl was standing.
On the gate post is a symbol I don't recognize but my soul does. It recognizes it.
The mark of the Covenant.
They're not just waking.
They're already here.