Chapter 64 CHAPTER 64
ZADE'S POV
“Are you happy now?” The voice I battled with for my mind boomed, anger and frustration filling his tormented voice
“You make it sound like it’s my fault she ran away. You chased her off!” I snapped, agitated myself.
I've been trying to find a way to convince myself that this was the right thing to do, the right way to do it, but every time she runs away from me, I start to lose my shit.
“I told you we shouldn’t say those things but you insisted!”
“You can’t seriously tell me she ran away because we told her we loved her. That’s ridiculous! Besides, she let us kiss her yesterday.”
“And then ran. Again! You are not human, I don’t even know what you are but you can’t understand these things. I was supposed to court her, buy her gifts, make the moments we spend speak for itself and when she’s wondering why I’m not kissing her, then I’ll tell her how I feel!”
“But that could take forever!”
“Well better forever than never, no?” I growled, “Now we've kissed her and she probably doesn't like it and would never let us near her again.”
“Igh! You’re insufferable!”
“And you need to keep that attitude locked. Don’t pressure me again, let me slowly get closer to her body and heart so her mind doesn’t run away from us again.”
“Fine. But you must hurry. She’s meant to be in our arms!”
“Our? She’s mine!”
“And I’m not?”
I frowned, confused by the hurt in his voice as he slinked away, leaving me to deal with the throng of noisy students we’d gone and brought into our lair because we chased her away.
I'd planned this to ensnare her back to my lair after today's general reading and I had prepared a small date for us back in my reading alcove, shoved all my books to the side so nothing would distract us, not even the King's demands.
But then she came in yesterday and I don't know how that soul-shattering kiss happened but it scared her away again.
She looked quite happy when she ran though, so I guess I got cocky. Assumed all was fine.
I knew she was terrified of her peers knowing anything was happening with us, so I took the longer route, discussing with everyone else, in a bid to justify speaking to her.
Something I desperately craved.
But then she squeaked and I left her alone, she must not have wanted me anywhere near her with people so close by.
“You should go after her,” the darkness slinked back in, dropping a suggestion that has no business in my mind.
“Go after her? You understand this is all happening because of the pressure we're putting on her?”
“You can control yourself, can't you?”
“Of course I can, unlike you!”
“Well, don't touch her, don't kiss her and keep our feelings hidden. But we must find out what is wrong. I fear that the boy we beat up is behind her running away from us.”
I frowned.
What if someone is whispering lies into her ears about me?
“Everyone,” I called, “you have another hour… or two,” I added, in hopes that she'd actually speak to me, “spend it wisely. I'm going to get some air. If you go beyond the fifth aisle, I will know and I advise you against it. Even if you already have your dragon,” I added, my voice horrifying.
Since my Tharagaun fell gloriously and painfully to his exit, many have wrongly assumed I was now a weakling.
And maybe I am, but I refused to let such a thing be associated with his memory.
I'd trained every single day, harder than anyone I knew, more than those at the war front.
Until I changed that perspective aggressively.
The fact that I could never bring him back didn't stop me, it was my weakness that sent him away from this world, so it was my duty to rid myself of it.
If I had just taken the impact of that magical sword, he would have healed me but he did and…
And it was my responsibility to show everyone the extent of his power.
Otherwise, I'll be mocked, called weak and ridiculed.
I'll never let his memory be tainted like that.
I relished the fear in their eyes whenever they saw me, they called me a beast, deranged, dangerous but anything beats being called weak.
I'm the only one that can call myself that, the world must never look at me and utter that word again.
Not after it cost me a large percentage of my soul that nothing can repair.
That despair in me is why I chased Alira without holding back, she's the first being in existence to make me feel anything other than hopelessness and self-loathing.
I didn't know how much I hated that feeling until I beheld her face and saw her eyes.
It was like I suddenly drank water after getting used to thirst, and I wanted more.
I walked out of the library, leaving the bubbling students behind.
Her scent was like a map and I increased my pace, taking off my sensitivity glasses so I could drown in her.
She was literally pulling me to her, and thankfully, she was nowhere near her hostel.
I won't be able to explain that.
The longer I walked, the more I frowned.
“Where the hell are you going to Little Sun?” I wondered out loud, increasing my pace to a near run.
We'd gone out of the academy grounds, closer to the mountains and I began running at this point.
What the hell is she looking for here?
If only I had my dragon with me.
Her scent increased the further I ran, her purple hair in my memory but still avoiding my eyes. I climbed the rocks, wondering when last my feet touched these parts of the academy.
Years.
Even before I lost him, I rarely walked.
We were a duo to be feared up there, of what use was walking when you could fly?
And now, my heart beat faster, scared I'd pushed the girl to literal death and I wasn't going to catch her fast enough.
Then I felt it, that stupid, painful feeling that always reminded me I was ruined ever since Tharagaun put himself in the way of that arrow meant for me.
Fever rose from my throat to my hands and stomach as I ran, chasing Alira's scent.
“This mountain,” I puffed, breathing heavily as my eyes stung, “it's… ALIRA!” I screamed in panic as I looked up to see her climbing it.
Without a harness.
As she turned, our eyes met, and that interaction unleashed it.
A heat so searing it gave me new instincts.
And as my little Sunshine smiled, desire so hot and overpowering filled my soul.
“We should go back,” the darkness suggested, suddenly the smarter one. “Come on Zade Lennox!”
“Don't call me that!” I snarled, only Tharagaun gets to and I wasn't about to listen to this imposter.
So I took a step forward, after all, I can control myself.
I just needed to get her down from there.
No big deal.