Chapter 6 CHAPTER 6
I don't remember how I made it home, but the headache I felt was powerful enough to keep me in bed even though I was feeling really hungry.
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep again, and even if I did, the nightmares might come back, so I got up to find food.
Maybe I'll feel better afterwards.
I groped around the kitchen like a blind person, putting random things into the pot that hopefully weren't poisonous.
It took me about thirty minutes to make the food and two minutes to finish it.
And fifteen more to throw it all up in the toilet.
When my body was done being dramatic, I finally got a minute or five to myself.
And I began to wish I could be sick again because thinking about the past twelve or fifteen hours wasn't something I wanted to do.
But it's not like I had much of a choice, I was either going crazy or I'd gone through some weird portal and appeared in another world.
I mean, what if I wasn't able to return?
What if that weird-looking man had succeeded in dragging me off to wherever he was going to?
He didn't look too happy to see me, so I suspected the entire planet was hostile.
Okay, that's a stretch. I'm from planet Earth and it's a yin and Yang situation around here.
I pulled myself into my late Momma's bathtub and sat there for another hour, soaking until I couldn't feel my own skin again.
I was supposed to head back to work today but it was already 4PM and I still couldn't articulate my own name. How am I supposed to get clients to make decisions about where they'll live and raise their family?
Damn Alira, you can't just be normal for once, can you?
I picked myself out of the cold water and the pit of self-pity I was drowning in and entered the shower.
I felt a fraction of an inch better and searched for my phone.
I couldn't make it back to Provo this evening especially with the rush hour in time to get ready for work tomorrow either so I found my phone and sent Mr. Harvey a text.
I knew I was stretching it but sometimes, two wrongs should make a right.
I would have been back to my house yesterday if I hadn't opened a magical book and lost my damn mind.
“Fuck,” I paused in the middle of the kitchen, “I'm actually believing this shit?”
Realization hit me like a train track, I was allowing myself to believe there's a magical book that could transport me from this world to another.
“Hell no,” I shook my head, “this is crazy. I'm going crazy.”
Speaking out loud in a house where I'm all alone probably made shit worse but hey, whatever is worth doing is worth doing well as they say.
I struggled with accepting this as I packed my bags, taking some things I'd left in the house back when I moved out for the first time.
I won't sell the house or library, but I didn't see myself staying here. I needed to work or I'll die of hunger in a pretty house.
Poetic, yeah?
I finished, and then began cleaning the entire house itself, I'd messed up with my episodes of being extremely sad one moment and craving lots of alcohol in my system.
It took me about three hours to finish up and then I took a bath again.
Not thinking about the book lasted for that long, the second I stepped out of the shower, it was back again.
My body wasn't even supposed to be a part of the reaction party, but I had to stop in the middle of the living room and grab onto the back of a couch to stop myself from falling down.
I stood there, hoping to get clarity, to understand what exactly was happening, or at least let it go.
But deep inside of me, I wanted to go back.
The second I accepted that thought, the dizziness lifted.
But I knew that was a stupid thought, why would I do that?
I saw no need to figure that out. My life here wasn't one to be desired, but it was all I knew.
Besides, even though I could still see the lines from the guard's grip on my arm, I refused to believe all of that had happened.
There was no alternate world hidden in a book in my Momma's secret library.
I was normal, and tomorrow, I'll go back to my own house, one that I'd struggled to save up for and needed to get back to work if I hoped to renew the rent. My life was shattering right before my eyes, My Momma was gone and I didn't need to go chasing phantoms.
I found my phone again on the window pane, meaning to check if my Therapist had fixed me somewhere.
He's probably tired of me at this point but this was different. I needed my nuts screwed back tightly and I needed those pills post haste.
I didn't have the time to dilly-dally, imagining things.
But the second I unlocked the phone, the house of cards that's my life fell apart.
There was a notification, not a text as I'd expected from Mr. Harvey.
“Alira,” it read,
”After careful consideration, we've decided to move forward without you on the team. Your recent absences and inability to meet expectations have made it clear this isn't the right fit. Please return your building access card and…”
“No no no no,” I muttered furiously under my breath and moved to my dialling app, calling the familiar contact immediately.
He couldn't do this to me, not right now.
This job was all I had, I didn't have a dime anywhere, and searching for jobs wasn't a walk in the park even if you had a good CV like mine.
And one thing I lacked right now was time. I needed time, I needed to do this job for three or five months to get my head above water.
“He wouldn't sack me now, they can't!” I yelled in frustration as I waited for him to pick, redialling every time he didn't, frustration clogging my throat.
I tried Elena's contact, but I kept getting sent to her voicemail, and Stanley only picked up to let me know he was in a club.
I was royally, completely fucked.
I tried Harvey's line one last time, and it turned out he'd blocked me.