Chapter 18: Bold Confessions-1

**J A D E**

I was pacing about my room as I talked with Quintin. He had come to comfort me after I had stormed out of Dominic's office. "You know, I don't need a babysitter every time I get upset! Even the therapist said so!" I stated angrily as I stripped in front of my best friend.

Tilting his head to the side, Quintin watched in slight amusement as I shimmied out of the tight red dress. Usually, he would make some witty remark about my lack of underwear, but he knew that now was not the time.

"Look, I know that, but the boss worries! I mean, we found you in the bathroom covered in blood for crying out loud," he said seriously.

"That was over two years ago!" I huffed as I threw on one of my kneelength pyjama tops, "You guys always exaggerate about that! How many times will we go over this? It was a fucking accident! In the end, the wound itself ended up being superficial!"

I lifted the hem of my top and showed him my right upper thigh. The mark, like the rest, was not even noticeably visible.

Quintin pulled me down onto the bed next to him, holding me close as I continued to speak.

"I know that it was wrong, and I've apologised so much for it. I just wish you guys could stop acting so paranoid," I said, knowing that they needed more time to see the change in me.

Nodding, he kissed the top of my head, "I know J, but I also know that you're a sadist and you get pleasure off of inflicting pain on people. You know very well the type of agony your actions have inflicted upon us."

The guilt that I felt at his words rendered me momentarily speechless.

He was right. In my early teens, I had been emotionally cruel to others, and was an absolute handful. My behaviour ranged from refusing to eat, being verbally abusive to some of the staff members, to throwing unnecessary temper tantrums which included unpredictable and impulsive outbursts of fury.

I would purposefully be extra difficult, as I got off on the frustration that I caused Dominic and other people who resided within the Calvetti residence.

But I was not that Jade anymore.

I might still get off on the discomfort and pain of others, but I reserved that for people who truly deserved it, not the people I loved.

Pulling away from him to look up at his face, I said, "I haven't done anything in over two years. I've kept my promise to you, Dom, and the others. Even if I sometimes still get the urge to do things, I fight against it,

you know this! I've confided in you and even came to you on many occasions during the last year just so that you could prevent me from giving in to my impulses."

I had trusted Quintin not to tell Dominic about my urges. After all, with what both of us had been through as children, there was no way that we could have escaped such an experience untraumatized.

We had both gone to intensive therapy to help us deal with what we had been through. Quintin was left with mostly mental scars, while my damages were not just psychological but physical as well.

It was believed that I had developed uterine fibroids due to the mental and physical trauma that I had received at Enzo's hands. I had experienced my first period when I was only nine years old, and by the time I was eleven, I was having severe cramps and excessive haemorrhaging that requiredmedical attention.

Upon further investigation, I ended up having to undergo endometrial ablation, which was a procedure that involved the removal of my uterus lining. It was supposed to help reduce the heavy monthly bleeding that I experienced.

Unfortunately, without a thick endometrial coating on my uterus, an embryo would not be able to implant itself and grow successfully. For this reason, the doctors recommended sterilization as an additional procedure. As a result, I had a vaginal bilateral salpingectomy, which encompassed the removal of both of my fallopian tubes. I still experienced regular menstruation; however, now it was pain-free and my blood flow was usually very light.

Needless to say, the thought of never being able to bare children had left me distraught.

It was around this time that I had started cutting myself. I was feeling so helpless that I needed to regain some semblance of control in my life.

As the years passed, I came to accept that I could never carry children naturally and focused more on the positive side of things. Since I still produced eggs, the option of having children of my own was not completely off the table. It just meant that I would need to get a surrogate.

Over time, both Quintin and I had found ways to deal with our inner demons.

Though it was not the best option, Quintins's was through the numbing effects of ingesting copious amounts of alcohol. While mine was through self-inflicted pain, which sometimes involved the form of intense physical training, other times more direct methods.

Although, for the last two years, I simply focused on pouring all of my energy into keeping fit, sometimes forcing Jee-min to push my body to its absolute limits.

Throughout the years, I had gone from seeing a therapist several times a week to now just once or twice a month. Whereas Quintin only went once or twice a year. Dominic insisted that we kept seeing our therapist regularly, so as to make sure that we both remained stable.

The sound of Quintin's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Look, J, I love you, but just remember, even though you're healing andworking on bettering yourself, doesn't mean you can, should, or need to do it alone," he stated while hugging me once more.

My heart warmed at his words.

"I'm so grateful that you trust me enough to confide in me, I just hope that Dominic doesn't find out. He'd kill me if he knew what I knew," he sighed. "He won't find out because there's nothing to tell, Quin! It's not like I want my best friend to get murdered!" I chuckled before adding, "I mean, sure, after kissing Dom and us having that big fight, I can't help the strong impulses that I have been getting, but I can assure you that I'm not hurting myself. I promised you guys when I was sixteen that I would stop letting the pain in my heart turn into something ugly."

Smiling at me Quintin said, "And we are all so proud of the progress that you've made. You have shown us how surviving can be beautiful. I'm sorry that we worry so much, I will talk to Jee-min and the others, let them know that we should show you more how much we do trust you."

"Thank you," I replied, happy to know that they had faith in my healing, but their initial reactions were just out of their concern for me.

"Although, I'm pretty sure that a good sound spanking from Dominic would give your mind something else to think about..." Quintin joked then asked,

"Speaking of kisses, how did your date go?"