Chapter 61

Ashton towered over Justin, and the look on his face almost made me snort. It was very apparent that Justin was mildly terrified of Ashton. "See you later," Justin awkwardly said to Ashton, holding his hand out for a fist pump. Ashton sarcastically looked at his extended fist as if to say 'really?' before returning the gesture a little too hard. Justin winced and brought his hand back, feeling along the knuckles that Ashton just hit. "For your sake you should hope not," Ashton responded to him with the same ill-intended smile, waving goodbye at Layla. Layla sighed and waved goodbye, turning around to Justin to presumably apologize for her older brother. I looked over to her as we were leaving, sending her a smile and a 'sorry'. She smiled back at me and rolled her eyes in the direction of Ashton, earning a chuckle from me. "I swear, the next Justin I meet I'm beating to a pulp," he said, opening the passenger side door. I laughed. "Well, you definitely got the romantic opening-of-the-car-door down," I joked sarcastically, getting in and shutting the door. "That was funny, seeing you as the over-protective older brother.. I feel like you're usually the one that older brothers hate," I told him when he got in. "What can I say- isn't that the sole purpose of older brothers? To beware of devilishly handsome toolbags?" He said as we backed up. I rolled my eyes. "So you think he was devilishly handsome?" I asked, smirking over at him. "No no no.. I was talking about me. He was the part about the tool bag," he corrected and I let out a laugh. "I never thought I'd be in love with someone who is so in love with themself," I admitted. "Well, sorry but now you're stuck with me," He said and booped my nose again. "The next time you do that I'm biting off your finger," I threatened, earning a chuckle from him. "Kinky- so where to next?" He looked at me as we were about to pull out of the lot, clearly having no intention of leaving me by myself. I rolled my eyes and gave him a warm smile. *** "Ugh so close!" I grunted. Marshmallows fell out of his mouth as he erupted into laughter, ruining the progress we had made. We were seeing how many marshmallows we could fit in his mouth. We didn't get too many in, but it was still funny as hell. The look on his face sent me flying. I hadn't laughed that hard in... I don't even know how long.. We had gone to the beach- luckily he had a blanket in the back seat (which I had put there without him knowing since I was always cold in his car.. shh). So now we were just lying down on the blanket on the sand. I'm not really sure how we got to stuffing his face with marshmallows, but here we are. "Okay wait, sorry to abruptly ask this," I began. He looked up at my from lying down. "Why don't you drink? I'm not saying it's unusual not to drink nor am I like saying you should but like, it seems like there's something behind it." I asked. Something flashed across his eyes. "That's a story for another time, Summers," he said, a distant pain in his eyes. "I didn't take you to the beach to try and make you feel better just to dump my problems onto you," he sat up, shooting me a smile. "Yeah but, the fact that I'm going through something doesn't invalidate anything you're going through... my dad use to always say that, just because someone next to you is in a full body cast doesn't mean your broken arm can't hurt," I said to him, his eyes scanned over my face- a strong emotion present. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. "I love you," he said with so much intent it radiated through me, pumping through my veins. I reached up and put my hand on the side of his face, kissing him with the most passion I think I ever have before. Everything I was or wasn't feeling, all of it went into this kiss. I felt like a thousand watts of energy we're all shooting out of me at once. I kissed him like he was the air I needed to breathe, because he was. The 1000 pound weight from before suddenly felt a shit ton lighter- not because it was gone.. but because it felt like he was carrying it with me. Whatever the exact opposite of alone felt like- that's what was flowing through me, nearly bringing me to tears. I pulled away from him, immediately seeing his heartwarming smile. "A while ago, before I moved here," I began, not letting myself choke up. "I didn't see the point of life. I didn't see how there could be any fucking light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't want to die, I didn't want to do that to my mom, but I was blinded so much by my will to not exist that I thought it was an option. Thinking about that now makes me feel sick." I looked into his eyes so deep I thought I might never get out of them. "You saved me, Ashton." I could tell he was rendered speechless. He pulled me into a strong embrace. "Ditto," he told me. We had watched the movie 'Ghost', where that reference was from, and I had gone on and on about it. At the time I didn't think he had been paying attention to how invested in that movie I was- but when he made this reference I felt my heart flutter. "If I had to chose between you and Patrick Swayze," I broke the hug, looking up at him, "it honestly would be a hard choice.. But I guess I'd pick you," I grinned and he chuckled. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," he brought me into another hug and fell backwards, both of us lying down on the blanket now. "We do have a lot to learn about each other, don't we?" He said. "Yeah, but we have all the time in the world to do so," I told him, smiling against his chest. The wind across my face did feel refreshing this time. I felt the life being sucked back into me with each passing second in his protective embrace. It was true, I hadn't seen a light at the end of the tunnel. Actually, in my opinion, the light at the end of the tunnel is referring to whatever comes after life. Ashton wasn't the light at the end, but rather a door in the middle. In the midst of the dark, gloomy shit.. he was a door that unexpectedly as hell appeared. I could never have seen it coming. I thought I had it all figured out- that hope was terrible and naive: that life was just a serious of tragedies bound together by random, deceiving spurts of happiness. But holy shit was I wrong. I couldn't help but think about what would've happened if I had succeeded all those years ago, everything I wouldn't have done. Ashton's life would have been worse without me, and just knowing that makes me appreciate this whole life thing a shit ton more. The hole in my heart that I had been feeling since my mother was put in the coma might not ever be filled. But I could live with a hole in my heart, knowing that at any given moment the most unexpected thing could fill it. Life does suck. It is unfair. But it's beautiful nonetheless. Without it I wouldn't have met the love of my life. He was right. Hugs do feel so much better from someone who knows what it's like to need them. and we both needed them. I smiled to myself as we laid there, me and him. Our own moment in the universe. Anything life threw at me, I knew I would have him. And that right there filled any emptiness in me. Months ago I felt more alone than I ever had before. But now, I was a new person entirely. Life, throw whatever the fuck what you want at me. I'm no longer hopeless. I'm not longer devoted to an unknown notion beyond myself. I don't know what the hell the future will bring, but that's the beauty of it all, I guess. I looked up at Ashton one more time before slipping into a comfortable sleep. ...Lol, remember when I needed sleeping pills?