Chapter 76: Seventy-six.

Colt sat in the quiet, and yet eerily familiar room. The only noises were that of the heart monitor, bleeping away in time with Elijah's heart, and his deep shallow breaths as he slept peacefully in the hospital bed. It was a completely different room, in a completely different hospital, but the sense of dé ja vu was overwhelmingly strong. The curtain screen tucked away neatly, the linoleum floor, even the strong scent of disinfectant that permeated the air, had Colt considering that maybe all hospitals used the same brand.

She was utterly unsettled, and strangely nervous of what was to come. All of Colt's logical brain power pointed to the fact that Elijah would live, afterall, he was strong and healthy. The kiss with Felix was intense, but it was only a kiss, and as soon as Elijah was unconscious, she had torn herself away from the lion, and flew to his side, in complete panic and disbelief at what she had done. Digging out his cell from his pocket she had dialled nine-one-one without hesitation. Much to her elder brother's disgust, which was in stark contrast when compared to, what she believed was a secret feeling of relief coming from Zachary.

Colt stood and watched as they loaded him into an ambulance, warring with what she should do. It was Felix who told her to go with him.

"Colt, you aren't the type of person to leave your mate to be carted off like that. No matter what he has done, Kitten." He said with a sigh. "You told me you'd never let him change you once, so go." He had said, handing over a silver chain, he found on the ground. "It must have fallen out of his pocket, when you grabbed his cell. It suits you." He added, with a sad smile. "I'll get your purse and things to the hospital. Now, go." He said, giving her a gentle push.

"Thank you." Colt whispered, giving him a quick hug, before scrambling into the back of the ambulance.

Felix had been true to form, he had brought her belongings and a change of clothes. He left shortly afterwards, leaving Colt alone with her anxiety and the unconscious man who had broken her heart, causing all of her anxiety in the first place.

Colt was sat beside Elijah's bed, looking at the pendant he had gotten made for her, as it sat delicately around her neck. She gave it back to him in South America, before her Amazon trek, asking him to keep it safe for her. Elijah had refused to take it, intent journeying with her. But when she had snuck out, she left it behind with her note, asking him to put it back on her himself, when he next laid eyes on her. She was amazed that even after everything he went through, he had remembered.

Her attention was drawn to the door though, as it slowly opened and Zachary began to walk in.

"Sorry, I didn't know you would still be here." He stated, as he went to back out of the door.

"No, wait." Colt called out. "I could use the company, if that's okay with you?" She asked, pointing to another chair in the room.

"You sure?" Zachary warily checked.

He was stressed, and conflicted, and Colt could tell.

She pointed to the chair with a sigh, "Sit. Now." She commanded, drawing him into the room properly, as he closed the door behind himself.

"You know," Colt began. "You are allowed to be angry and even disgusted with him, and still care about him, right? Or at least for the friend he once was to you. At least that's what I keep telling myself, anyway." She admitted.

Zachary tilted his head as he squirmed slightly in his chair, under Colt's scrutinizing gaze. "You may have been hanging around your shaman for too long." He muttered back, making Colt smile.

"My shaman, is it?" Colt asked with a raised brow. "I rather thought you were quite fond of her yourself, Beta." She added in a terrible Irish accent.

Zachary began blushing, while a cough had suddenly become lodged in his throat, making responding impossible.

"Hmm, you're blushing, Beta." She teased with a smile.

Zachary's shoulders dropped, as his guilt began to slowly build, "It's not always simple." He sighed.

"Look who you're talking to." Colt responded tartly, adding with a sigh, "Just don't hurt her, she is a good person."

"I'll do my best." He mumbled, shaking his head, and hoping for an end to the discussion, that just wasn't forthcoming.

"Maya, was a lucky girl." Colt stated, making Zachary go slightly numb.

It caused him to freeze, he felt like that comment came out of nowhere. He was sure he hadn't mentioned his mate to Colt before.

"You told Becs, and Elijah filled me in as well." Colt answered his unasked question. "But, here's the important part Zachary. Maya wouldn't want you lonely and miserable for the rest of your life, or for you to end that life prematurely." She gently scolded.

Zachary sat there in silence, listening with a clenched jaw, his fists flexing and releasing, as he tried not to run away from the conversation.

"Beta, look at me." Colt demanded authoritatively. "You also dont have to hide your pain, with humour all the time. You have to allow yourself to grieve. To feel the pain. You say Elijah helped you through it, by giving you something to focus on? I say, bullshit. Elijah helped you bury it and distract yourself, so you didn't have to face it." She paused. "And burying it when it's at it's most raw and agonising, is okay for a while, but not forever. Otherwise, you will forget to live, and no mate would want that for their partner."

There were tears in Zachary's eyes when he looked up as Colt exposed his pain, something he had buried for so many years.

"Grieve. Come to terms with your loss, and allow yourself happiness. You are a good man, and you deserve it." She commanded warmly. "Plus, I'd Maya was mated to a man such as yourself, she would have wanted that for you as well."

Colt sat silently as Zachary's tears fell from his face. The only movement was when she handed him some tissues from Elijah's side table, and then he dropped his head again.

When, he finally sat upright again and looked at Colt, it was a gaze tinged with admiration and regret. "You, would have been a phenomenal Luna." He said honestly.

Colt smiled, "I don't need a title to help people. I never did, Zachary." She tilted her head. "And neither do you. Maeve is in Ireland by the way. She has a little eco house in the north. It's cute, hard work to run on her own though. Plus, there is a remarkable wood nearby. Maybe if you ask nicely, she will show you it."

Zachary laughed, a genuine laugh. "Subtle, Colt. Subtle."

She smiled and shrugged in response.

"But, enough about me." He breathed in deeply. " How come your still here?"

Colt sighed loudly, wringing her hands together as she was faced with her own discomfort. "I just need to see him awake. I can't explain it." She attempted to explain and failed.

"You don't have to. He is still your mate." Zachary finished for her.

Shrugging, Colt said. "Exactly."

"I get it. I do." He nodded along, "But, I do have one more question?"

"Okay," Colt said with an easy smile.

"Why are you named after a male horse?" Zachary asked bluntly, causing Colt to snort when she was hit with unexpected laughter.

"How long have you wanted to ask me that?" Colt asked, feeling in good humour now.

Zachary shrugged, "I was told I wasn't allowed to ask by his lordship," he stated nodding in Elijah's direction, "When we drove to your home for dinner last year."

This made Colt laugh again. Once she had calmed herself, she looked at Zachary and answered unashamedly. "I wasn't named after a horse, for the record. I was named after the gun."

Zachary's brows lifted and his mouth gaped in response, before his brows began to furrow again, as Colt began laughing some more.

"That only raises more questions, you know that right?" He eventually verbalized.

"I'm sure it does..." Colt began to answer, pausing as Elijah's breathing rate changed in the bed beside them, and drew her attention to her left hand side where he lay.

-----

Elijah felt all wrong as he started coming to. However, the residual pain he could feel in his chest was nothing, when compared to the guilt he felt he was drowning beneath. Colt had more than proven her point. He wished he had known sooner. He wished someone had spoken to him, told him what was going on. He would have been by her side in a heartbeat, had he known. But no one had, and he couldn't even blame them for that. He had acted horrendously in his grief, and Colt had come back to him, but he, he just closed everyone out, and he so desperately wished he hadn't. He really couldn't believe all that he had done. All that he had risked, all the pain that he had caused, and all he could still lose.

He had to speak to her. He had to apologise, to make it right. Even if she walked away afterwards, she had to know how he felt about everything, how much he regretted of his past. How much he wished he could change things. How much she meant to him.

His limbs felt like lead weights attached to his body, and he was incredibly disoriented as he lay there. Not that he fully knew where there was. He briefly thought he must have hit his head somewhere. But he wasn't even entirely sure where he was now. He decided, he really ought to find that out, but nothing felt tangible at all right now. Everything seemed so blurry.

"Elijah?" came the musical voice he loved, breaking through his somewhat incoherent ramblings.

"Elijah, are you awake? Can you open your eyes?" There it came again, breaking through the fog, like a light at the end of a long grey tunnel.

His eyes, she asked about his eyes. Her voice, was so perfect to his ears, exactly what he needed to hear.

"Colt, I don't think..." Came anothe familiar voice, fading off into the distance.

He definitely wasn't on his own.

Blinking in an almost stuttering pattern, he forced his eyes open painfully. Everything hurt, but all he could do was try and focus on the hazel eyes he felt had to be there, somewhere. Turning his head, he seen her. She was in a cream coloured blouse, with dark blue jeans, leaning over him. Everything seemed to snap into a sharp focus as he breathed her in deeply, and stared completely speechless into her eyes. There was so much he wanted to say, but he had no idea where to start. How had he gone so long without her?

"I'm sorry." He blurted out, feeling more broken and exhausted than ever. "I'm so, so sorry, Colt." He cried out.

"Shhh." Colt said soothingly, while stroking his hair with one hand, and interlocking her fingers through his, with the other.

"Please, don't go. I need to talk to you. I need to know, and I need to explain, and I need to apologise, and I just..." He rambled on, feeling weak and so tired.

"Elijah, shhh." Colt soothed again and he felt her tears drip on his face. "Get some sleep, you need to sleep." Then she kissed him, gently and just to the side of his lips.

The beeping on the monitor behind him slowed, as his heart rate relaxed again, and he drifted back off to sleep. The last thing he seen before he closed his eyes, was the pendant of a wildcat paw and a wolf paw intertwined, as it swung back and forth from Colt's neck.

-----

When Elijah woke up again, the room was empty. He felt stronger though, less weary, and ready to find Colt and spend the rest of his life making things up to her.

The silence around him felt odd, but discovering he was no longer connected to the heart monitor seemed to explain that. He cautiously stretched out his legs and went to the bathroom. When he returned, after grabbing a quick shower, there was a tray of food for him left on his table. He ate quickly. He wanted to be able to focus when Colt returned, and they could talk.

Before long a doctor entered his room and let him know, his mate had explained a few things, and upon checking her records with the hospital she had been in, they were confident about releasing Elijah later this evening. Elijah thanked him, though he couldn't help but register the disapproval of the gorilla shifter's glare, before he left. He couldn't entirely blame him either, he had all but destroyed the most sacred thing he had. The most sacred thing any of them could have.

Another hour past, and Elijah had started to get angsty. He had even started to doubt whether he had seen her at all. In his desperation, could he have imagined her presence? But, the necklace, she was wearing the necklace, and she smelled so real, felt so real. Plus he knew she had spoken with his doctors, so she had to have been there with him. He was sure he could still feel the ghost of that last kiss on his face as well, it was so tender, he rationalized with himself, as he traced where she had kissed his face under his fingers.

He was about to call for the nurse to ask outright if he had any visitors while he slept, when he heard footsteps coming down the corridor, not the footsteps he wanted to hear, but a familiar tread all the same.

He looked up at his former Beta, as Zachary walked in and it dawned on him Colt wasn't the only person he needed to make things right with. He had messed up on so many fronts.

Zachary sighed, and sat into the same chair he had occupied a couple of days before.

"You're awake then." He stated, more than asked.

Elijah sighed, scrubbing his face. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Zachary nodded. "It's not always that simple though."

"I know." He looked up. "You've always been my closest friend, and I treated you like shit. I was going through..." He trailed off, not wanting to be seen searching for ways to excuse his behaviour. "You were trying to be there for me, the things I've done, and have said are unforgivable. But, all the same I want you to know I'm sorry and I regret them all."

"That mean you're going to grow up, and deal with your shit? Find a way through to the man that once had my back?" Zachary asked plainly.

"Yes." Elijah nodded. "I have to, for everyone, especially Colt. Do you know when she will be back?"

Zachary sighed, and stood up pulling an envelope from his pocket.

"Eli, Colt is gone. She wanted me to give you this." He said sympathetically, handing over the envelope.

"Gone where? When is she coming home?" Elijah asked, as the coldness of the realisation suddenly wrapped around him.

Then, silently with a shaking hand he took the letter from Zachary.

"She has left the country. Signed over the running of her resort. I think it became too hard for her here, and she needed a fresh start, a new challenge. She waited till she had seen you awake, two days ago, then she wrote that and left." Zachary sighed, he hated feeling like the cause of Elijah's pain, and it was about to get worse. "Colt also asked us not to tell you where she went. She, she doesn't want to be found, man. I'm sorry."

Elijah didn't even register when Zachary said he would come collect him later that evening, or when he left, he just sat there on the edge of his hospital bed staring blankly at the envelope in front of him. He thought of her last kiss, the feel of her warm tears against his face, as she said goodbye while he begged her to stay. The main question running through his mind was, how was he going to cope without her now?

With a shakey hand he braced himself, and then he opened the envelope and read,

Elijah,

I'm sorry, I didn't stay. I can't. I know what will happen if I do.

You are the other half of my soul, and I will always love you, but I am so angry at you. There is a resentment between us, and I don't think I can get over it. Our love has become toxic. It will probably lead to one of us killing the other at some point, and for keeps that time. I couldn't live with that Elijah. We argue more than any other mated pair I have ever met. I was turning into someone I didn't know, someone I didn't recognise myself to be, either too afraid to defend myself, or too angry to control myself - neither of which is who I am.

We have never managed to find a compromise we could both live with. I wish things had been different, I wish more than you know that it could have worked. I was ready to go all in with you when I returned from Ireland. I chose you. Please dont doubt that, but timing was never our strong suit was it?

You will always be my mate. The only man I have ever given my heart to, and you will always be a part of me, a part that I will never let go of. But, for my own sake, as well as yours I have to leave. I have to try and find some happiness and some peace, and I hope you are able to do the same.

There is a number at the back of this page, I did some research into solum rabidus, the doctors name is Carl Farthing, he has developed a hormone treatment with some success in tempering the long term effects. He is waiting for you call. Call him, Elijah. Call him and then find some of your own peace.

Yours Always,

Colt

P.S. You need to make it right with your parents as well.

Elijah gently stroked the tear stained sheet of paper, flipping it over to see the number written across the back.

He made up his mind there and then. He knew what he had to do.

First he would call Dr. Farthing, and find himself again. Then he would do as Colt said with one alteration.

He would make things right with his parents, Colt was right and he did miss them, but after that... And this he was sure about. He would find Colt Merrier, and he would do everything in his power to love her the way she deserved, and he would never lose her, or let her down again.

Elijah Lupus was Determined to make it right.

The End.

Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all for reading. You have helped me stay motivated, and I have loved sharing this book with you. I also want to thank a couple of people on particular for their support throughout my writing, firstly my husband and children who support and inspire me every single day, I am so grateful to have you all in my life - I absolutely cherish our days spent together, you absolute cheeky monkeys. Secondly to my American "Plutonian" friend Meghan. As I've mentioned I am Scottish and other than a childhood holiday to the states when I was six, plus media influences I'm a bit of a novice. You helped me stay on track and vent out ideas on, as well as certain word checks.. car park vs parking lot etc. Although I still maintain the correct spelling will always be oesophagus...