Chapter 71: Seventy-one.

Colt couldn't believe this was happening to her. Her whole life, she had believed children were not on the cards, due to circumstances outwith her control. Then, in one foul sweep of a conversation, hope for a future she never even dared to dream about, was both given and taken away. She felt like fate had kicked her right in the gut, and when she was already down as it was.

She had sent her Mom away with the doctor, and refused to see anyone for the rest of the day. She wasn't in the mood, and frankly she didn't know what exactly she was supposed to say, "Yay, those children I never admitted wanting, well, looks like I can't have them anyway"? How much was she supposed to have to carry, how much pain did the fates expect her to bare on her two shoulders alone.

She was angry, angry at the world, angry at her Dad, and especially angry at her mate, and that evening when the familiar pain began to blossom in her chest once again, she became down right furious. Even the noise from the machine she was attached to, was bugging her. So she turned that off and unhooked herself, uncaring about the consequences. Then she started pacing back and forth within her room. Funneling all the pain Elijah's actions were causing into her growing anger. Damn stupid, arrogant wolf! For half an hour she paced angrily, the pain flowing through her and riling her up more, until Colt's rage felt like it was it's own living breathing entity. Like it was burning through her veins in place of her blood. She wanted to scream, but that would attracted too much unwanted attention. Instead her small room was filled with low snarls and hisses as her voice searched for even the smallest of outlets for her rage.

Until, as quickly as it started, Colt's pain began to recede. It caught her almost by surprise, so focused was she on her anger. But the pain had lessened, until suddenly, it faded away altogether. Leaving that cold lump of ice lodged within her, that ice which Colt had come to associate as her and Elijah's bond or what was left of it.

The she began to do the one thing, she had yet had the chance to do. Colt cried.

She cried over the non existent children she would never have, she cried over the loss of Nora, and then she wept over the betrayal of her mate. The man who convinced her to give him her heart, just so he could literally stop it in her chest. The man who wanted to have a future with Colt, so he claimed. But, then gave up on her all to soon. The man whose desperate need to hide from his pain, screwed everything up. The man who at the end of the day was still her mate, would always be her mate, but who she vowed would never again have power over her.

Then, when her tears finally subsided, Colt took deep breath and felt her body convulsive. Bones snapping quickly into place as she shifted into her wildcat form. She jumped up onto the bed, curled into a ball under the blankets and drifted off to sleep, swearing to never cry over Elijah Lupus again.

The nurse found her while doing rounds sometime later, and let out a loud enough shriek to wake the whole hospital. Colt was convinced this was a large part of the reason, she was kept at the hospital for another three weeks, just to "make sure she had fully recovered".

She hadn't passed out from the pain again, it was like her body just became accustomed to living with it, and her life gradually went on. Alone. Oh, she had plenty of visits from friends and family, her nephews and nieces bringing her a certain bittersweet joy, but the one person she was loathed to admit she wanted, never did show up.

When she was deemed recovered enough, Colt had phased back into work easily enough in terms of her duties there, after she was eventually discharged. Rebecca had done an amazing job, as she knew she would, and then took a very well earned holiday. Felix was back making her laugh with his ridiculous flirtatious behaviour. Davis and Mick would dote on her like loving uncles and make her smile. On the surface Colt Merrier seemed fine, happy even.

But in reality she was bewildered. She was so annoyed at Elijah still, even if his bedroom activities had somewhat decreased of late. It was mid summer and in the two months she had been home from the hospital, there was only one place she felt at ease. Only one place that took her mind off her ever present internal conflict. Since the awakening of her animals, her drive to be with her mate had heightened ridiculously. She craved the man who broke her heart, like she was some kind of addict and he, her drug of choice. Yet her own pride and anger, wouldn't let her set her own dignity aside to go to him. His behaviour was unforgivable, and she lived with a constant inner conflict over him.

But, that one place, that one piece of free head space she could find still stood on the same four hooves he always had. Her friends and family told her running or climbing in her shifted form would help, but the truth was that only magnified her pull to Elijah, and thus intensified her torment.

So, here she was laid down with Solaris, on a glorious day summer's day. She had found him having a siesta in the field. He did very briefly lift his head and acknowledge her upon her approach, before laying it back down on the ground without a care. This made Colt smile.

They had been apart for roughly five months, and credit to the girls in the stable they had taken fantastic care of him while Colt had been gone. But that wasn't to say that he didn't still make her work for their happy reunion. It took a fortnight to get him to cave and start whinnying back to her like he used to. So, to see him today so chilled out and relaxed, brought an instant smile to her face, as she breathed in his scent more deeply, the closer she got to him. An instant calm coming over her like a warm blanket.

She walked around behind him and lay down, resting her head upon his neck, and there they had stayed, just bathing in the sunlight and being thankful for the lack of horse flies that were about. Until Colt's cell annoyingly started to buzz in her legging's pocket.

Her Mom's name flashed up on the screen, alerting Colt to the fact that she had been lying with Solaris for over an hour now. Taking a deep breath to steel herself for her Mom's daily check in, she then answered the call.

"Hey, Mom." She forced a chipper voice, hoping it wasn't too much.

"Hey, Sweetie." Her Mom responded, not noticing the difference. "How are you today?"

"Good, good. Just out with Solaris, and enjoying my day off. You?" Colt replied as Solaris raised himself up to his feet with a grunt, then walked off to graze.

Colt watched him go, not really paying attention to what her Mom was saying. Something about attending a wedding and bringing a date. It wasn't long before she made her excuses and hung up, noticing she had a car pulling up at her house. Colt recognised the two figures getting out of the blue Mazda right away, and huffed herself onto her feet to make her way over, gazing longingly at Solaris one last time before she went. Zachary was dropping Maeve off for their scheduled lunch it seemed. A lunch that Colt had completely forgotten about.

Colt had given Zachary a job at the resort working alongside Davis and Mick, as well as the other members on the security team. She was very grateful to him not just for all he had done to save her, but because he came to her honestly and told her about the job offer he got from her father. She had been livid, and her father and her had had another argument, about how Colt felt her Dad was trying to control her life, and how he insultingly believed she needed a babysitter. They didn't speak for three weeks, and even now Colt felt their relationship had become a bit strained on what it used to be.

However, Zachary still needed employment and she did trust him. So, when she was chatting to Rebecca about it all and she mentioned there was an opening in their own security team, the fit seemed too ideal to pass up. Zachary had fit in well, he was hard working and thorough, plus he got on really well with everyone. But, why he was dropping off Maeve, Colt wasn't entirely sure. Maeve had been staying in the resort's hotel, in one of the cabins, since Colt got out of hospital openly claiming she wanted to keep an eye on her, an honesty Colt appreciated. But, now she was due to be heading home in three days. Hence, their lunch plans. Colt was glad her friend had stayed around for a while before heading home, she was definitely going to miss her when she was gone.

"Hello there." Maeve called out to Colt as she climbed the fence of the paddock where it stood, opposite her house.

"Hi, Guys." Colt responded, jogging up to meet them on her porch. "Zachary, are you joining us?" She enquired.

"No, I am due on shift in thirty minutes, just dropping your Shaman off, to save her the walk." He shrugged with a smile.

Maeve smiled at Zachary, "Thank you, Beta, I don't know how I would have managed without you." She said playfully.

Colt smiled at this, "Maeve, are you flirting with Zachary?"

At this point Zachary blushed, hard and let out a strangled coughing noise, causing both women to laugh. "Right, well, I have to go work now. " He said awkwardly, before turning and walking quickly back to his car.

Colt eyed Maeve as she shrugged, "I don't have a clue, what you mean Miss Merrier. Not a clue." She played innocent.

"Yeah yeah." Colt laughed, while opening the door and ushering Maeve inside.

"So, how are you doing?" Maeve asked, as they walked through the hallway.

"I'm fine..." Colt began, heading towards the kitchen.

But, Maeve interrupted her, "Remember who you are talking to, and try that again. Without the bullshit this time? I'm leaving soon and would like to know you're alright before I go."

Colt paused, her shoulders sagging as she contemplated being honest with Maeve. Sighing she gave in, "I'm constantly at war with myself, Maeve. How do you think I am?"

Maeve went ahead and filled the kettle before putting it on the stove to boil for tea. Colt scrubbed her face, she didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to let the anger she felt come out, but with one sentence Maeve had managed to crack the walls she had built to block it all up.

"And what do you intend to do about it?" Maeve asked simply cutting to the chase, like it was an easy fix. "Because you can't live life like this. It will drive you mad."

Colt tilted her head, taking a deep breath in and tried desperately to not snap at her friend, who was only trying to help. "How the hell should I know?" She said exasperated and flopped into a seat at the dining table momentarily. "I'm just trying to make it through each day without clawing my way out my own skin to go find him." And then she laughed sarcastically, "But, even if I did, I dont know if I would rip out his throat, or rip off his fucking pants!"

"Well that's a graphic image I didn't expect." Maeve retorted, as Colt got up and started pacing again.

"Look, she sighed, "Don't worry about me. I just need... Oh I don't even know what it is I need." Colt complained, heading towards the fridge to make them both lunch.

"Maybe you need a new challenge?" Maeve suggested.

"What?" Colt asked perplexed as she put the eggs down on the counter before adding vinegar to a pan of water for boiling. Poached eggs, for lunch it would be.

"Well," Maeve began, "Your resort here is phenomenal, and you're only twenty-five years old..."

"Yeah, I slept through my birthday in a medicated coma, thanks for the reminder." She smirked sarcastically.

"Shush, no interrupting." Maeve admonished. "So, it by your reports and other's kept you incredibly busy, and focused. Why not find a new challenge? You're friend Rebecca can obviously handle this place on her own. And, I can tell by the look that's been on your face lately that your heart just isn't in it here. So, why not do something new, someplace new?" She casually suggested to Colt.

Colt put the bread into the toaster and stood back, really thinking on what Maeve had said. Could she leave this place? Move away and start again, she did thrive on the chaos of it all, working so hard under the pressure she would collapsed into a dreamless sleep most nights. Maybe even just moving away, would help. To get herself some place different, somewhere fresh, with new challenges around herself, maybe she didn't even have to plan it all. Maybe she could just go somewhere new, and go with the flow.

"You might have a point Maeve." Colt smiled, her first true hopeful smile since she had come home. "Maybe I do need a change."

"Well I'm glad I have my uses. Now hurry up, I'm starving." Maeve scolded at Colt's slow paced effort towards making lunch.