Chapter 40: Forty

After Colt had eaten breakfast, she felt a bit better, physically at least, mentally she still felt very drained and everyone's constant fussing wasn't helping. So, it was quite a relief when she managed to convince her Dad and brothers to leave for a run up the mountain, to check on the cabin at the lake, followed by some time spent fishing. All while her Mom went for a spa day, of course, Isla only left after her eighteenth check that Colt was in fact, alright. In the end Colt had had to book the appointments herself and chase her Mom out the door.

Once she was finally alone, she closed the door and leaned against it, taking a deep calming breath, while she waited to hear her Mom's car driving away. When she was sure she was alone, Colt went outside herself, and walked barefoot across to the porch swing. Sitting down with a sigh she pulled her cellphone out and looked up Elijah's number.

Her eyes traced the letters of his name, she wanted to call him, more than that she needed to call him. For some reason she craved the sound of his voice, and she wanted to let him know she was awake and, that she was okay. Stupid bond, she thought to herself.

But, Colt also didn't want to fight with him, and she also wasn't sure she wanted to see him right now. She was fully aware that Elijah had hurt her, and it was making her hesitant about calling him at all, in case he took it as an invitation to bull doze in again, and turn up at her door. This level of confusion was not helping her underlying headache at all.

She was still sat staring at his number fifteen minutes later, having unlocked her cell several more times as it automatically switched to standby mode again and again. When she finally pressed the call button, then closing her eyes she inhaled a deep shakey breath and raised the phone to her ear. She waited for the first ring, then the second and the third, counting in her head as each progressed to the next, until the phone rang out, and it clicked over onto Elijah's voicemail. The generic unpersonalised programmed voice asked her to leave a message, so annoyingly she didn't even get to hear his voice there either, she noted.

Colt sighed and cut the call. Dropping her cell onto her lap, and leaning her head back against the back of the swing, with tears welling in her eyes.

Damn him she thought wondering where he could be, as her heart dropped into her stomach, and she unconsciously started pushing herself back and forth with her feet.

But, it was only a couple of minutes later, she felt the tell tale vibration of the device in her lap, before it started singing to let her know there was another call incoming. Without bothering to open her eyes she picked the phone up and swiped aimlessly to accept the call, completely uncaring if she accidentally rejected it instead.

"Hello?" she asked the caller, dejected and uncaring about who it would be.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry. I was in the gas station and my phone was in the SUV." came the rushed response. "Oh, Beautiful, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice."

-----

"What's the plan, Alpha?" Zachary asked as they drove out of the Resort's driveway and joined the main road, that headed towards civilisation.

Zachary had been nominated to drive because the thought of physically removing himself from Colt was too much for Elijah. This way, he wasn't the one actively leaving, but rather he was being carried away, so to speak. But, the experience was still wrenching at his gut and making him feel like there were shards of glass sliding under his skin and grinding against his bones. His head throbbed and his heart ached. The physical pain in itself was a very real, and very miserable experience.

"Just drive." Elijah responded sharply, his mood completely sour.

He felt sick. Everything felt wrong, and he didn't know himself, or particularly care where they were headed, as they descended down through the Montana wilderness. He was lost, all his internal navigation was screaming at him, that he was driving the wrong way, tearing him in two as his heart pulled him in one direction and his head the other. He wasn't blind to the border guards in place either, as they left the Merrier's land. Not that they were hiding, or blatantly showing themselves, they were just there, there to stop him back tracking and changing his mind he presumed.

But, he gave his word he would wait for Colt to contact him. So, as he promised, he would wait, and give her back the control, he so evidently hurt her by attempting to take away. Even if it made him miserable to do so. He felt like a fool, and in his head, he kept replaying everything he had done, highlighting every silly mistake he had made, everything he could have done differently, to have ensured both Colt's and his happiness together.

"Eli, the highway is coming up soon." Zachary pointed out, cautiously, some time later.

"And?" Elijah asked, completely uninterested, and irked at being disturbed from his wallowing.

"Fucking hell! Eli!" Marcus snapped from the back seat, pissed off at his Alpha's defeatest attitude. "What's your plan? Are we headed home, or are we going to set up somewhere and wait for her call? Stop sulking and think man! My Auntie and Uncle closed ranks on their child, and that's fine, but Colt didn't! So, where do you want to be, when she reaches out?"

That snapped Elijah out of it. Marcus was right. His manner was rude, he was out of line and downright disrespectful yes, but he was right all the same. Elijah needed to come up with a plan and stop moping, he needed to work on damage control, and get his head out of his ass.

"How long have we been driving?" Elijah asked, his mind whirling, as he grappled with making a plan.

Zachary swiftly answered, "About ninety minutes."

Nodding Elijah replied, "Okay then, we will drive for about, another half an hour, and find the nearest motel or whatever. I'm really not fussed where we stay. But from there we will set up camp and wait. There is no active pack in this part of the country, so there shouldn't be a territory issue."

"Let's go then." Marcus said, relieved to have his Alpha back on form.

About forty minutes later, Zachary steered the SUV into a gas station, in a small, sleepy little town to fill up and get directions. There were trees lining the roads, separating them from the sidewalk and the retail buildings behind, there pale bark in a stark contrast with their red leaves. People were casually milling around and going about their day, while neighbouras bumped one anothe and stopped to shoot the breeze. It was obviously a tourist destination, due to its relaxed nature, which was good the three men appraised, because that meant there would be somewhere for them to stay.

Elijah jumped out and purposely strode into the small kiosk, grabbing some water bottles and paying for the gas.l, while grimacingat the gross little knickknacks and bumper stickers that were for sale. He returned to the vehicle about fifteen minutes later, after some gentle flirting with the girl at the cash register, which earned him directions to the town's inn, as well as the promise of a discount, since it was her grandmother's establishment. He didn't notice the awkwardness of his friends as he climbed onto the SUV and belted up.

"Take the road through town and the second left after the town square. They will be expecting us at the Inn." he instructed.

"Elijah." Zachary said, unmoving.

"What?" came the annoyed response, because they weren't yet moving.

"Your cell was ringing." Marcus stated, struggling to hide his growing frustration with his Alpha's mood swings.

"What!" Elijah jumped to fish his phone from the door pocket. "Its Colt's number. Shit! Why didn't you just answer it?" He growled grabbing his phone and jumping out the vehicle. "Go ahead I will catch up. Don't book us in yet though." he snapped at them.

With that he took a deep breath and dialed the last number in his incoming call list, listening as the dial tone changed to ringing as his anxiety and nerves built up. He had no idea where to start, or what to say and he felt physically sick because of it.

"Hello?" came her strained questioning voice.

She sounded tired, and pained, the realisation of which felt like a punch to his gut.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry." he began. "I was in the gas station and my phone was in the SUV." he added for clarification. "Oh, Beautiful you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice." he almost shouted it all to her, he was in that much of a rush to say everything all at once.

"Wow. Umm, okay then." Colt said, taken aback on her end of the call, by all the information thrown at her.

"Are you alright? I called your Mom, I hope that's okay?" he asked, partly fishing in the hope she would tell him off, and say he should come back instead. "Are your family still with you?"

"No, that was fine Elijah." She sighed. "They're around yeah, I've managed to squeeze some time for myself from all their fussing, finally." she smirked, feeling shy for some reason. "Look, I'm sorry I hadn't warned you that could happen to me. It's been so long since I have had that kind of episode, I got them a lot as a teenager, and I guess I was in denial that they could still happen."

"We haven't really had much time to just chat and get to know each other, have we?" he asked her, more thinking out loud than expecting a response.

"No, I guess this last week hasn't really provided us with a lot of talking time has it." Colt agreed.

"We could fix that you know, I could come back and we...." He began to hazard a suggestion.

Colt interrupted him straight away. "No." she swallowed "No, Elijah I think it's best if we stay apart for a while."

Elijah could swear he felt his heart stutter as she spoke those words. "Colt." he attempted to say, but only a strangled noise came out.

"It's not permanent Elijah. I just think, I need some space to deal with what's going on in my head. We can still chat and even video call if you want? But, if I'm in your presence I can't focus on myself properly and right now that is something, I have been made aware needs to be a priority. This past week has brought to light a lot of buried issues of mine and I have to sort them out first." Colt desperately tried to explain. "And, it's too easy for me, to take comfort in you and bury my head in the sand, if I'm with you."

"What do you mean? What issues?" Elijah asked concerned, but not hiding his disappointment.

"I am a bit of a workaholic, Elijah, you see it stops me focusing on my real problems, and then I keep going till I literally collapse, just to avoid them." Colt began nervously.

"Will you share them with me?" he asked gently, wanting to know, so he could work out a solution and get them back together.

Colt laughed down the phone line. It wasn't a true laugh born from light heart, but more of an awkward laugh, one that betrayed how nervous she was. The sound gave Elijah pause, this mattered to her, and he knew he had to help her somehow, even by just coaxing her into talking to him.

"I waited for you, Colt. My true mate." Elijah sighed, wanting to somehow show he wouldn't be scared off, that she could let him in. "When I was young and my grandfather was the Alpha, he always spoke to me about how the traditions of the pack were paramount, they weren't to be forgotten in this new world, where shifters were open about their true selves. The pack would be strongest that way, honouring the way of the wolf and never forgetting who we were. I was to find my true mate and take over his pack, wearing his name of course and not my father's, even though my grandfather chose it himself. Lupus Because, apparently it isn't obvious when we shift we are wolves we have to label ourselves it in Latin too." he laughed. "But, it took me ten years of searching for you, and that's after I finally gave up waiting for it to happen naturally. I focused my all on finding my true mate, figuring if I expanded my territory, it would put me in the best position to do so. I am, or I guess, I was affected by solum rabidus, but I channelled it with Zachary's help into finding you. I could have mated some other girl like my parents wanted, except that I couldn't, and not just because I felt responsible to continue my grandfather's legacy but, because I always wanted my true mate, my other half. No one else would do. So please, let me in Colt. Let me understand and help in anyway I can." he begged.

"What's your real name Elijah?" Colt whispered.

"Lawrence. It is the name my father gave me." he answered.

"Elijah Lawrence. I think I like that better." she said.

Elijah smiled hearing her smirking down the phone. "You would, Little Bird. Awkward woman." he laughed.

"Elijah?" Colt began, the returned nerves clear in her voice, as it wobbled slightly.

"I'm here." he answered.

"Promise me, you wont ever betray me again." she said.

"Never, you have my word as your mate and Alpha of the Lupus pack." he swore to her, without hesitation.

"I can't shift." she began with a pained sigh, and Elijah could hear the tears in her voice. "I have the attributes of two different species of shifter but can't transform into either. My animal side never materialised, Elijah, and it hurts. I am defective, and it is something I keep hidden and buried inside. I don't let it out and then it bubbles up, and I feel like I'm being consumed by the pain of it all." She was full on sobbing down the phone to him now.

"Colt, you are not defective." He answered assuredly. "Please don't cry, Little Bird." he begged, the sound beginning to drive him crazy.

"But, I am. I am, a non shifting shifter, by definition I am defective." she half laughed at the absurdity, before he could hear her with voice break with a fresh wave of tears. "It is why I will never have children, and never get to he a mother, because I won't pass on my wonky genetic material, I can't."

"Let me come to you, Colt." Elijah begged her, the need to hold her and comfort her becoming all consuming. "I wont stay, if you don't want me to I promise you that, but please I can't have you this upset and not do anything."

All Elijah could hear were Colt's sobs as he quickly text off a message to Zachary to head back for him, he would rip the throat out of every guard who stood in his way, if he had to. His mate needed him and he would not be kept away from her.

"Colt? Beautiful, are you there?" he asked, on returning the phone to his ear.

"Okay." she squeaked out.

"Okay?" he asked, his need to get to her becoming frantic.

"Okay. Come home." she responded.

"I'm on my way, Beautiful. I'll be a couple of hours hang on." he affirmed. "Just hang on, okay."

"I'll be here." was all she said before cutting the call.

He could still hear her sobbing quietly until the line went dead, and the noise echoed in his mind longer afterwards. He was running down the street now, making his way to meet Zachary and Marcus. As soon as he came level with the SUV, they pulled over and Elijah almost ripped the driver's door off its hinges.

"Out, I'm driving" he barked, with no room for argument.

Zachary ran round and into the passenger side, almost concerned his Alpha would leave him behind.

"What's happened?" Marcus asked as Zachary belted up.

"Colt needs me." was the only response Elijah gave, as he slammed on the gas and pulled out onto the road, heading back towards the mountains in Montana that he was fast beginning to think of as home, it was definitely where his heart lay anyway.

Author's Note: Hi y'all. First off thank you for your continued support in reading Determined. I am in awe of how many of you are reading my story, I really am. I apologise for the delay in updates. Life has been a wee bit busy of late and I am literally snatching at time to write whenever I can. (Including as I wait outside the school to collect my son in the afternoon.) I will try and get the updates back to 3 to 4 time a week, but in about a months time I expect them to slow again as we begin lambing, but will keep you posted. Thank you for your understanding. If you need me I can be found on Facebook @bethanyriverwrites. I would love to hear from you. Stay safe. B x.