When Colt woke up the next morning, it was already nine o'clock. She never normally slept in, but she had forgotten how comfortable her old bed truly was. She was cocooned in layer upon layer of soft cushioned warmth, from the mattress, to the duvet, to the pillows. No wonder she had slept so soundly. She stretched out to discover the temperature outside of the bed, and determine whether or not it would be worth leaving her cosy little nest or not. Upon assessing it to be fine she stretched her whole body and got up out of bed, and headed to her ensuite to grab a shower. She stayed inside until she could no longer see due to the thickness of the steam coating the small room, then turned the shower off and got out to get dressed and head downstairs.
She walked into the large kitchen to find her youngest brother Lewis with his face bulging at the seams full of bacon.
"Hey, Shortstuff" she said smiling, "I take it you're glad Mom's home then?" she laughed, indicating the plate full of their mother's morning efforts.
Lewis, who was by no means the shortest of the family anymore, gulped his huge mouthful down and said "Shit! Is she? She's going to kill me for not being at school then."
Colt laughed shaking her head at her baby brother as he started to head towards the back door, coming back into the room quickly to grab more of the bacon off of the counter. His chocolate coloured hair, flopped into his eyes as his head bobbed up in alarm at the sound of Isla's voice echoing down the hallway.
"Lewis Connor Merrier, I better not find you in that kitchen eating your sister's breakfast when you ought to be at school,you little bisom!" came Isla's shrill voice from through the large house.
"Shit!" he said "Bye C." he mumbled, as he shot past her to get out of his Mom's firing line before she appeared.
Colt laughed, "See you later, Shortstuff."
She went over to the counter to see the crumbs that remained of her breakfast. Shaking her head in amusement, Colt cleared it away and grabbed some Museli from the cupboard. Once she had made the bowl up, and her Mom still hadn't appeared, - presumably she was busy chasing Lewis down the driveway - Colt slipped out the back door to the large back yard and sat at the patio table to eat. A moment later, her father joined her, placing down a glass of apple juice and a coffee for her, as well as a coffee which he kept for himself.
"Good morning, Princess. Did you sleep okay?" he smiled at her.
"Mmm Hmm," she mumbled around a mouthful of cereal, adding once she had swallowed, "Like the dead Dad, I forgot how comfortable my bed was. What about you?"
"That's likely because, it's been so long since you visited. Why is that now?" he smiled, "And yes, I slept much better now that your Mom is home."
"Sorry, Dad." Colt said taking a sip of her coffee, "I've just been super busy at the resort. Sanctuarys don't run themselves you know." she smiled, making a joke out the resort's name.
"That, I do not doubt." he smiled warmly at her. "However, my dear girl, in the two and a half years since you opened it, you have achieved the
impossible, including paying back the loan from myself and your mother you borrowed to buy the old dilapidated Inn and the surrounding land in the first place. But, you, haven't been here for at least five years by my reckoning." he gently admonished her with a raised brow.
"I, erm. Thanks I guess, and erm, sorry?" Colt stumbled over her words not quite sure of what her Dad was getting at.
"Colt, did you know there is a room in this giant house that has no furniture inside? No paint on the walls. No carpet on the floor. No curtains. Not even a light bulb in the overhead fitting." Her Dad said solemnly. "You see, your Mom and I decided that, even in this new fancy house, Ross still needed a place here, even if he never lived long enough to see it, to us he still existed and we can't just paint over that. He was taken from us, and the pain of that event is still present every day." as he spoke, Colt reached over the table and squeezed his hand. "It was that pain that drove me to expand my business from a successful security agency into defence protocols and strategies. I made in roads with as many people as I could. I collected as many favours as I could, and I built us an empire. It was what paid for this giant house, and the land that surrounds it. It put you and most of your siblings through college. It gave your Mother and I the money to loan to you for your business venture." he paused to sip his coffee. "But all of this," he said gesturing around himself, "it was never my original intention. But after Ross, I knew I had to be able to protect you all better. If we were part of an official pack or if I had just challenged that moron in West Virginia years ago then, he might still be here. But he isn't.."
"Dad, its not your fault, you couldn't have known, or have thought that he would...." Colt interrupted, but was silenced her father.
"No. Colt, there are many catalysts but in my heart I know, I left us unprotected and the result of that, has caused us so much pain that I used it to motivate myself and ensure we would never be unprotected again. I acknowledged it, I accepted it, and I learned from it. I used it to drive me to keep my family safe." Kalvin took a deep breath before continuing, "You however Princess, are using your work ethic to hide from your pain, and that is not healthy. Your grit and determination to succeed externally have stopped you from facing the internal hurt you're feeling."
Colt felt like ice, frozen still in shock as her father spoke straight into her soul revealing her most hidden secret and leaving her feeling utterly exposed.
"And, I will bet Elijah Lupus' appearance in your life has caused so much upset, not just because of who he is, and what he has done, but because he makes you face that feeling you have probably been hiding from your entire life. What you are perceiving as an incompleteness. As some sort of failing?" he finished, while moving to stand in front of his daughter before crouching down to look into her tear filled eyes.
"Listen Colt, I can tell you you are whole and enough till I am blue in the face, and the moon swallows the earth and to me it would be true. Your Mom could tell you, and I am betting Elijah would too, but until you feel it, it wont matter who else knows it. So my suggestion is to stop hiding from it and face it. Since high school you have been so focused, heck I lost track a long time ago of all the extra curricular activities you were captain or president of never mind part of, and you were Valedictorian. We are so proud of you honey. But achieving everything isn't helping you now. You need to stop, and you need to focus on you. Find yourself. If it's with your mate, then be with him, if its somewhere else then go there. But you have to start focusing inward now baby girl."
Colt was twenty four years old, but in that moment where her father stood and picked her up, before sitting and pulling her onto his knee, she gladly curled up onto him like a toddler. Her father had laid her pain bare deliberately, to stop her from being able to hide from it again. This stark realisation wasn't something she could easily stuff back inside, and only face in its minority when a small part seeped into her consciousness. This was a tidal wave of inner truth and pain, that right this second Colt was drowning in.
Her tears bled from her face onto her father's shirt where she had buried her face. She wept, and wept for what felt like an age, all while barely moving incase she were to follow through on her feelings of nausea as well. The longer she wept, giving in to the pain and loss she had felt all her life, the colder she became, her face while red and blotchy was in stark contrast with how pale the rest of her goosebump covered skin had gone.
Colt felt a heavy wool blanket being draped over her, recognising instantly her Mom's clan tartan along with her mother's wildflower scent. It brought her a comfort deep within, just as her father's strong arms about her, holding her steady while she fell apart, did. She looked up into her Mom's worried expression, a worry that was there borne out of love, and realised things would get better somehow, because, she was loved.
Colt started to try and take some breaths. They were shakey at first, as she tried to regain control of herself, but after several attempts and several more successful deep breaths her panic slowed, her heart rate dropped and her tears dried up. She was able to stand on legs that were only slightly wobbly to accept a hug from her mother, and then cross over to a chair of her own, where she pulled the blanket further around herself and drank her apple juice from the table.
Isla went and sat in the chair on the other side of Colt wanting to be near her incase she was needed. They all sat there in silence waiting for when Colt was ready to talk next.
When she did, she only wanted to know the answer to one thing, "So, where do I have to go to find the part of me that's missing?"