Chapter 36: Chapter Thirty-six

Lust is having inappropriate thoughts towards another person, wanting to feel satisfaction that will only last shortly. Love is accepting their flaws, quirks and anything that makes them who they are. But lust and love have something in common that makes us confused when we try to label what we feel for that certain person. They are both four-letter words, begin with an L, but lust lacks a lot of things.

“Good morning,” I greeted Felix softly after removing my coat. It was very chilly and I was very happy to be inside the warm house. Their butler slightly bowed at me in greeting.

“I’m here to see Chad?” Damn it, why do I sound so unsure? Clearing my throat, I smiled at him. “I’m here to see Chad Montgomery.” Now, that would bring more conviction.

Felix didn’t seem to mind, however, and told me to follow him. The Montgomery household was silent, mostly because Rebecca Montgomery and her husband were out of the moment—which Felix informed me about on the way. Silently wringing my hands, I stared at Felix walking ahead of me with a straight back, very stoic and almost lifeless compared to Henry.

Not a moment longer, we soon stood in front of Chad’s room. Felix was about to knock when I stopped him, much to my surprise. “Um… I’ll handle it from here,” I declared when he gave me a questioning stare. Felix nodded and stalked off, disappearing into the depths of the Montgomery mansion.

Lifting my hand, I twisted the knob open and quietly pushed it open. The scent of Chad and the room being so manly made me want to apply perfume, or watch a romance movie. Stepping into his room was somewhat similar to discovering Chad’s closet of skeletons.

Lo and behold, Chad’s back was turned to me as he was sleeping quite peacefully in his king-sized bed. Pictures of him from a short, cute child to a well grown man were hung on the wall. Even beside his study was a trophy case filled with awards that he had won in the past years. And lying on the side was a violin case.

I approached his desk and glanced down at the papers filling the top of it. But what caught my eye was the brown leather journal that sat harmlessly—but of the contents I wasn’t quite so sure—on top of his laptop. He writes too, huh? Pursing my lips, I reached out to take a glimpse of its contents.

The first set of pages were blank, making me frown at how odd it was. Was it new? If it is, he hasn’t written any entry… My train of thoughts stopping in its tracks, I furrowed my eyebrows once I stumbled upon a written page.

His handwriting is neat.

Stealing a glance at Chad to make sure he was still on his bed, I began to read the entry.

October 21

I don’t even know why I’m writing in this stupid thing, but since Grandma gave you to me, I might as well do it.

I stifled a laugh at the first sentence. It is so like Chad. Shaking my head in amusement, I continued to read.

I don’t even know what to put into this… I might as well turn the pages of this journal into all the origami I learned, or give this to someone who’ll benefit from it. But you were given to me by that old woman and I don’t want to be haunted by her ghost when she passes, so I should write….

The business is doing great… But I think we will do greater. My father told me that, after I celebrate my birthday, he’ll be handing the company over to me. Mother was ecstatic when she heard the news. I guess my life of being free is coming to an end. Dad won’t allow me to goof around anymore. That old man…

I wonder what would happen to Rachel if she found out about this… She’d probably laugh at my face, thinking that I’m an old man. Should I marry her before I turn twenty-nine? Maybe she won’t mind having me as her husband?

My cheeks were already in flames once I finished the entry, eyes about to pop out of their sockets because of what I just read. He’s not serious, right? It’s got to be all made up! Why would he even want to marry someone like me? Chad suddenly groaning in his sleep snapped me out of my thoughts, and I put the journal back just the way it was before I picked it up, burying the tempting thoughts of reading the other entries.

Pretend you didn’t read it, Rachel! If you do, nothing will go wrong.

Standing beside his bed, I glanced down at him in worry. The bruises on his face and the cut on his lip were still healing. Bending down, I was about to wake him up when he suddenly grabbed my hand and rose from the bed with a frown on his face. Astonished, I merely blinked at him.

Was he having a nightmare? Eyes scanning his face, I took note of the bags under his eyes and how cold his palm was. He must have. Seeing it was only me, Chad visibly relaxed but didn’t let go of me soon, as he still frowned at me.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his odd, brooding behavior, and pulled my hand away from his grasp.

“Nothing, I was just here to see if you had any pigs running around your home,” I responded in a deadpan tone. “I saw one on my way here and was worried it might disturb your beauty sleep, princess.”

Confused beyond belief, Chad’s frown deepened. “What? Pigs? In my house?” I nodded and gestured to the door. “Yup, last time I saw them… They were heading for the garage.” The look on his face—troubled by the strange information he received that turned to sheer horror—was very funny.

“Fuck it,” Chad cursed and scrambled up his bed. That’s when I lost it, laughing quite madly as I clutched my stomach. “Oh, my—your face is priceless!”

Realizing that he had been played the whole time, Chad huffed in annoyance and sat back on his bed with narrowed eyes. “If you know what’s good for you… Go back home and don’t come again,” he threatened and covered himself with his comforter.

I inwardly groaned at his behavior. Chad might be three years older than me, but I’m more mature than him. Women do reach that stage earlier than men.

“Chad, I was just joking!” Receiving no reply, I tried again. “Chad, I’m here to inform you that tomorrow we’ll be interrogated by the police.”

“My mother told me already…” he grumbled underneath the thick cocoon he encased himself in, “Now go.”

I heaved a sigh, “Fine. I will, but please just hear me out?” I didn’t wait for a reply, knowing that he’d say no and would force me to leave—for whatever reason. Well…here it goes. “I know it was wrong for me to accuse you on that day, and I won’t blame you if you…hate me for it. But I hope you’ll forgive me. I was just so scared at the time, I wasn’t able to think straight. Even after the kidnapping…I would’ve gone insane if my parents, Francine and Patton weren’t around.”

Harvey was the fastest to recover from it, due to endless showering of attention from Mom and Dad. However, he still had counseling under Dad’s orders. Even I had a psychologist to vent about what I felt during that night and how to move on from it. Both of us didn’t have any nightmares, much to our relief, but I knew better than that. It would haunt me anytime, reminding me that my life and Harvey’s had almost ended there. Not to mention Chad’s.

But that reminder also helped me to be ready for whatever would strike. That our life may end if we weren’t careful. I didn’t want to die knowing I hadn’t fulfilled my duties as a daughter of the Maxwells. That would just be disgraceful. Still, there were times I often wondered what kind of person I’d be if Denis didn’t die.

Would he run the company? What would happen to me? What will I be? Will I not be the person who I am today?

But such questions will never be answered.

“Chad, if you’re having any troubles…you can rely on me.” It felt right, saying those words to him. Such small words, but with great impact. As Chad remained silent, my eyes went wide once I knew why he was acting this way. Now, I know what to do.

“Chad, if you blame yourself for not being able to save me and Harvey, just forget it,” I insisted, “Just forget all about it. I don’t blame you, and neither does Harvey. You and I both know there was almost nothing we could do.”

I visibly winced at the memory of it all and how I’d handled it while having that monthly friend over. No more, I’m not going to risk anyone kidnapping me while I’m menstruating. Not on my watch!

“So… Chad, I wish—no, I’m ordering you to stop wallowing in self-pity and be yourself! You’re not like this at all! To be exact, I’m the one who should be wallowing over my own pitiful self. Not you! The Chad Montgomery I knew wouldn’t be happy to be defeated.” Just as I finished my mini-speech, I smirked softly. “Continue this and I’m not allowing you to kiss me,” I added.

Silence passed by us, coloring the room with itself before leaving once Chad sat up from his bed. A tired look was what he cast me before shaking his head, an amused grin on his lips.

“Now, I can’t let that happen.”

I laughed at his words and sat down beside him, staring at his face with all its bruises. Even so, Chad still looked handsome. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, stroking his fingers in my hands. “But you’re so stubborn at times that I can’t help but be…” Trailing off, I began to rack my head for the right word.

“…Honest?”

I laughed and nodded. “Yeah, honest.”

Chad cringed his nose but nevertheless accepted my apology. I let out a squeak in protest when his arms wrapped themselves around my waist, feeling ticklish all of a sudden.

“No! Stop it!” I cried out in a fit of giggles, hands thrashing around. My laughter was put to a halt once I accidentally elbowed him on his abdomen, resulting in him groaning in anguish, followed by another stream of apologies.

“Would you like something to relieve the pain?” At my suggestion, Chad smirked playfully and nodded. “Yes, I want you to kiss me and I’ll be healed.”

It took all my willpower not to punch him and risk injuring the man further. Instead, I gently pushed his face away and stood up. “I’m being serious here, Chad.” Finding any medication that Chad may have discarded carelessly, I turned to face him once my search proved to be futile.

“It’s in the bathroom, inside the kit.” Chad pointed at the door near his bookshelf. I walked towards the bathroom and pushed the door open. The scent of Chad’s hygienic products entered my nostrils. He uses that famous shampoo, huh? And I thought he used his own company’s product.

Spotting the white kit sitting on top of the counter, I took it and headed back outside. “All right Chad, which one is it?” I inquired while rummaging through the kit filled with bandages, a bottle of antiseptic and some other things a first-aid kit has.

“It’s the ointment,” Chad responded, “I already applied some last night but I just took a bath and forgot to…” Uncapping the ointment, I sat down at the edge of his bed and gestured for him to lift his shirt. Much to my chagrin, he smirked but obeyed.

I tried my best not to flush deep red as I applied the ointment to his bruises, which were still black and blue. My eyes were trying not to stay too long on the abs that were very distracting. Keep it together, Rachel. Just pretend…

Just as I finished rubbing the salve on the last spot I could see, Chad suddenly grabbed my hand. “You missed one spot…” he mumbled and guided my hand down to the waistband of his shorts.

I immediately shot up from the bed, blushing madly as I tossed him daggers with my eyes. “D-don’t mess with me!” I warned him, hands ready to pinch him. “I swear! If you try anything like that again, I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” he challenged with a mischievous grin on his face. “Punch me? Or maybe you want to pinch me to death, huh, plum?”

I smiled sweetly, a bold idea in my head, and all I had to do was execute it to have Chad weak at the knees. I can only hope it will work and won’t backfire. Slowly, I sat down once again and feigned innocence. “Nope, I won’t do that. I’m not the kind of person to hurt someone injured…” A smirk made its way to my face. “Instead I want to make you laugh!”

Without any warning, Chad let out a gasp as I showered him with tickles. “Stop! Stop it, Rachel! Stop it this instant” he let out between laughs, squirming under me as I chuckled ruthlessly at how helpless he seemed. That’s right! Laugh and laugh!

Chad’s leg suddenly knocked me off him, catching me by surprise as I let out an ‘oomph’, falling on the other side of the bed. The ceiling was blocked from my view as Chad glanced down at me in worry.

“Hey, are you all right?”

“…You kicked me off.”

He chuckled quietly. “Sorry. It was an accident really. You shouldn’t have ambushed me like that, woman! You could’ve gotten hurt.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at what happened. “Well, tickling someone means you’re prepared to be knocked over and stuff.” Especially when you want to tickle Francine, that girl sure knows how to push—more like tackle—someone.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” I sheepishly smiled at the fuming redhead and the silent man beside her. When Mom told me that Francine and Patton were coming over to visit, I didn’t know what to tell her. Especially if she had seen the news and knew the dangers we faced. Now that she was here, I couldn’t escape her scolding.

“Francine’s right, Rachel,” Patton agreed, “You should’ve told us. Who could’ve known what would have happened when you were around us in public?” He then nodded, “So that was why you had extra security around, unlike before.”

“I’m sorry, guys, I didn’t want to worry you,” I mumbled guilty. “It’s just that… If I told you guys, you would’ve been killed! Telling you would be risking your lives… I can’t have that.”

Francine heaved a sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s all right, but next time don’t leave us in the dark. We’re best friends and we should share our problems with each other. Next time I’ll be very angry. I mean, what’s the use of having friends if you can’t count on each other?”

Patton silently agreed.

The redhead cracked a smile, much to my surprise. “Wow, I’m seriously amazed by how you can hide things from us, but no more! I’m not letting that happen again!”

I chuckled and shot them a grin. “You guys… Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot.”

“Rachel…” My flow of memory was cut short and I stared up at Chad’s face. We stayed like that for some time, just gazing at each other’s eyes in quiet solitude. Breathing in the same air. Chad lifted his hand and gently stroked the Band-Aid on my eyebrow, blue eyes softening. My heart fluttered at the gesture.

“Don’t blame yourself… In fact, it should be m—”

“Now look who’s talking.” Chad inhaled sharply and shook his head. “If you’re going to blame yourself, stop it.”

“Chad, it’s my fault you got hurt,” I interjected, “Coming here was even harder because I have to face you, remembering my mistake. I thought… I thought about pushing you away, to run away from it all.” My lower lip was quivering as tears started to fall. “But I couldn’t. I don’t want to be a coward.”

“Shh… It’s all right.” Chad gently hushed, wiping away my tears. “Don’t shut me out. Let me be your friend. Let me love you the way you should be.”

I reached up and caressed his cheek, shooting him a small smile. A lot of emotions coursing through me. Chad took my hand and pressed his lips against it, repeating it a few times. Cheeks red, I watched him with wide uncertain eyes. Heart ramming in my chest so hard that it almost hurt, I’ll bet he could feel and hear it. Our closeness made me sweat as anxiety claimed my body.

What’s going to happen? Does he want me to sleep with him? Come on, Rachel! He’s nothing like that narcissist…

“Relax…” Chad breathed softly. “I’m not going to hurt you.” It was when Chad took my shaking hand that I realized I was so tense. Mentally scolding myself for being such a coward, I let out a small laugh.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be, we’ll take it slow. I promise,” he whispered back. Knowing fully well what caused me to be anxious when it came to intimacy, he leaned down further, making our heads touch and our eyes lock together. I suddenly…had a wish.

I wish I could stay like this forever.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him down and kissed his lips. Chad, enjoying the contact, hummed in contentment as we lay comfortably against each other. Hearts beating in sync. Bodies enjoying the warmth as the world outside was raging cold. I could care less if someone walked in right now and saw us in this position. Right now…when I felt safe and like nothing would go wrong again.

I’m tired of running now. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t care. That opinions of him coming from the people close to me didn’t matter. Tired of fighting my attraction to him. It’s hard… Like forcing two magnets away that’ll only connect no matter how hard you may try.

I have to face it.

But… Is this love or lust? Is it worth pursuing?

Pulling back for air, we took in a few breaths before returning for contact, not wanting the great feeling to end. Chad’s tongue was begging for entrance and I let him in, desiring to fill up my need. This feels nice. Our tongues danced to their own rhythm. I pulled on Chad’s hair, earning a groan from the man. It was when the room felt so warm—and the bulge in Chad’s shorts grew—that we stopped. I giggled when he went down and nibbled at the skin of my neck, tempted to hit his head.

He better not bite me!

Turning my head to my right, I went still when I saw white specks falling outside the window. The sight was so pretty and captivating. “Chad… Look, it’s snowing.”

At my announcement, he paused in his nibbling and turned to the same direction I was facing. His hands wrapped around my waist. Stealing a glance at him, I saw him smile fondly at the snow. “Yes… It is.” Then, he frowned. “But I hate it when it storms. I can’t ride my car!”

I let out a bark of laughter at his statement before rolling my eyes. Men and their cars. Just as I was about to make another joke of his beloved vehicle, my stomach growled at me, wanting to be filled. It was Chad’s turn to laugh.

“Looks like the plum is hungry.” He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, my hand blocking the rest in annoyance. “Wanna have lunch with me? I can make a mean sandwich even when I’m battered.”

Pretending to think it over, I placed my hand under my chin and stared at the ceiling. “Well…I don’t know… As long as it won’t give me food poisoning, I’ll be fine.”

The next few minutes were occupied by me laughing at Chad’s frowning face. The rest were spent with me complimenting him as I munched on the delicious ham sandwich he made for the two of us. I could only cry at my poor cooking skills and marvel at his excellency.

He sure does know how to make a mean sandwich.