Chapter 73 Outside your awareness
Veronica's POV:
"I know you must have been hurt that I went on a date with your brother," I said.
"But I didn't expect you to react like this. You're just... you're confusing me, Theo. One minute you seem completely indifferent, the next you're booking us on this trip together, working on my expo application. Just tell me... are we really over before we even started?"
Theo let out a long sigh.
"Come inside," he said quietly. "Look at the 'girl' I'm sleeping with."
He stepped back, gesturing for me to enter his room fully. I followed him.
Theo walked to the TV mounted on the wall and picked up the remote. The screen came to life, showing a yoga video paused mid-pose. The instructor was a serene-looking woman in her forties, wearing loose yoga pants and a tank top, demonstrating a warrior pose with perfect form.
But Theo didn't just show me the yoga video. He scrolled through the TV's recently watched list, revealing hours and hours of meditation tutorials, breath work exercises, and spiritual guidance videos. All featuring the same calm female instructor.
"That," Theo said, pointing at the screen, "was my 'girlfriend.' The woman whose voice you heard through the wall."
He looked at me, playfully, sticking his tongue out that was actually cute on him.
"You were being a bit dramatic, Veronica. Storming over here, accusing me of betrayal, creating an entire scenario in your head based on a muffled voice through a hotel wall."
I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," Theo said, softening immediately. He moved to sit on the edge of his bed, gesturing for me to take the chair near the window. "Actually, I'm glad you reacted that way. It tells me something."
"That I'm irrational and jump to conclusions?"
"That you care," he said simply. "That you feel something for me, even if you haven't figured out what that something is yet."
I sank into the chair, feeling deflated and confused all at once. "But what about my date with Max? You didn't react at all when we came back. You just... went about your day like nothing happened. Like it didn't bother you that I spent the night with your brother."
Theo was quiet for a moment, his fingers finding one of the crystals on his nightstand and rolling it between his palms—a nervous habit I'd noticed before, though he probably didn't realize he did it.
"About your date with my brother," he said finally. "I would have reacted if I hadn't done my morning meditation. The practice keeps me calm, prevents me from reacting badly or impulsively. It creates space between stimulus and response."
I stared at him, incredulous. "Are you kidding me?"
"No, I'm quite serious—"
"Theo, stop." I leaned forward. "Just meditation wouldn't mask all that pain. You can't just breathe away jealousy or hurt feelings. That's not how emotions work. You're either making this up or you're so deep in denial that you don't even know what you're feeling anymore."
His eyebrows rose slightly. "Says the one who's never actually practiced meditation," he countered. "You're mocking something that's completely outside your awareness. How can you judge the effectiveness of a practice you've never experienced?"
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again. He had a point. I knew nothing about meditation beyond the stereotypical image of people sitting cross-legged and humming "Om." I had no actual experience with whether it could really help manage difficult emotions.
A laugh escaped me despite myself. "Fine. You won that round." I sat back in the chair, studying him. "But seriously, Theo. Teach me then. Show me how this magical meditation is supposed to work. And you know what? Maybe it will help me with all this pressure about the expo. God knows I need something."
He lit up in a way I'd never quite seen before. It was like I'd just offered him the best gift he could imagine.
"Really? You want to learn?"
"Why not? I'm already embarrassing myself left and right today. Might as well add sitting on the floor and trying not to think about the list."
"That's not quite how it works, but I appreciate your willingness to try." Theo stood and moved his meditation cushion to the center of the floor. "Come here. Sit down."
I slid off the chair and settled onto the floor next to him, feeling awkward and self-conscious.
"Cross your legs," Theo instructed, demonstrating. "Doesn't have to be full lotus or anything fancy. Just comfortable."
I arranged my legs in what felt like the most uncomfortable cross-legged position possible, but I didn't say anything.
"Good. Now, straighten your spine. Imagine a string pulling you up from the crown of your head." His hand came to rest gently on my upper back, adjusting my posture slightly. "There. Feel the difference?"
I did. With my spine straight, I could actually breathe more deeply.
"Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath through your nose. Hold it for a count of four." He breathed with me, calm and steady. "Now release slowly through your mouth. Good. Do that two more times."
We breathed together, and I felt some of the tension in my shoulders start to release.
"Now, I want you to focus on the point between your eyebrows," Theo continued. "In yogic tradition, it's called the Ajna chakra, or the third eye. Don't strain your actual eyes looking there... just bring your awareness to that point."
I tried to do what he said, focusing my attention on that spot between my eyebrows. At first, it felt silly, arbitrary. But as I held my awareness there, something strange started to happen.
A warmth bloomed in that spot, then seemed to spread through my forehead, down into my temples.
My breathing naturally deepened without me trying to control it. And the constant chatter in my mind... the anxiety about the expo, the confusion about Max and Theo, the replaying of embarrassing moments from earlier... it all started to quiet.
It didn't disappear completely, but faded into the background like a white noise you stop noticing.
Five minutes passed, though it felt both longer and shorter than that. When Theo's gentle voice told me I could open my eyes, I felt genuinely lighter. Like I'd put down a heavy backpack I'd been carrying without realizing it.
"That was..." I blinked, trying to find words. "That was actually kind of amazing."
Theo smiled, clearly pleased. "Last time I taught you normal yoga... the physical poses, the stretches. But I never taught you this before. This pranayama, this breathwork and meditation. It really does help, doesn't it?"
"At least now I believe you," I admitted. "About the meditation helping with difficult emotions..."
"If you want," Theo said carefully, "I could teach you something even more effective for releasing anxiety and connecting with yourself. But..." He paused, seeming to choose his words more carefully. "It involves a different kind of practice. One that includes physical intimacy and sex."
My eyes snapped at his. "What?"