Chapter 13: Pride is all I have

Zoe:

Bree and I ready ourselves to go to work in a couple of hours. After Sahara and Marina had left, Bree left soon after, leaving me to my thoughts. I roll on some lip gloss as I try not to dread the thought of seeing Azazel again. Every time the thought occurs, my body washes in shame. How could I have been so stupid? I think for the nth time.

The bus ride to the club is too short. Everyone is preparing for the night’s events as soon as I get there. Christoph is talking to the club staff, and a few of the waitresses are cleaning tables. Thankfully, none of the gladiators are there yet. They usually don’t come until late into the night. I head towards the locker room and find another short, sheer, toga dress waiting for me. This one is blue with a gold pendant on the neckline. As quickly as I can, I slip out of my clothes and slip the dress and gold gladiator sandals on.

Sahara and her investors are at her usual table, waiting to be served. I serve them drinks and smile, jovially pretending not to notice their leering gazes. It’s easier because Azazel hasn’t arrived yet. I give Gabe a shy smile and resume my tasks when I see him walk in. Sahara carries a conversation, never looking in my direction. I resist the urge to gag at the sight of the men listening attentively as they charm her. Come to think of it, I’ve never noticed a woman sitting at her table. That I know of, she has never brought Marina around. She hates the competition. Which makes no sense considering she has adamantly regaled Marina as being her closest friend.

I move into another room and pick up another tray, laden with drinks. I’m about to step back into the gladiator room when I see him. Azazel walks in with the other gorgeous gladiator. Both men are wearing leather jackets, white shirts, and ripped jeans. His corn silk hair looks slick and soft under the lights of the club, and his shoulders strain against his snug shirt. I swallow deeply at the sight of his long fringed lashes and amber eyes. His high cheekbones look sharp, and his jaw rugged. I swallow hard as his eyes travel around the room.

Before he can spot me, I move behind a pillar and rest my back on it with dread. I feel so stupid doing it. It’s almost embarrassing how badly I want to run away. I peek back to see him and his companion disappear inside the gladiator room and take a relieved breath. My hands are shaking nervously. Feeling off keel, I place them over my speeding heart and close my eyes. I hate that he makes me feel this way. I’ve only known this man for a week, and he has managed to make me feel more worthless than my birth father.

I startle back when a hand settles on my shoulder. Christoph’s gives me a concerned frown but doesn’t make a comment. He’s holding a box with several water bottles in his hand. “Zoe, thank goodness. Would you please take these drinks to the gladiator’s waiting area? Vanessa was tied up in the back and forgot to take leave them earlier. I’m sure they’ll be dying of thirst by the end of the night if we don’t get it to them.” I look at the bottles feeling caged. Of all the things Christoph could have asked me, this is the worst. I want to decline his request, but I can’t without looking like an idiot. So I carefully take the box in my hand and give him a blank smile. “Sure.”

My stomach quivers the closer I get to the gladiator’s room. A few of them are standing around talking, whereas a few others are sitting quietly, keeping their own counsel. Azazel and the other man—Fallon, are standing near the back talking. Taking a deep breath, I move towards a nearby table and quietly place the box over it.

Unfortunately, I don’t notice the two gladiators who’ve stepped beside me. They are both attractive with dark hair and eyes. Upon closer scrutiny, I see they’re twins. I take a wary step back and give them a polite smile. They both give me a predatory smile and move closer. “Hello, gorgeous.” One of them says with a clear, pleasant voice. “What’s your name?” I look away in response and keep my polite smile in place. “Sorry, boys, but I have to get back to work.” But they don't take my hint. Instead, they remain in the same spot.

I try to keep my cool and walk around them, but one of them grips my elbow and turns me towards him. “Where are you going? We’re just trying to be friendly, girl. No reason to be rude.” I try to pull my elbow back and exhale a deep breath. “I’m not being rude. I just need to go. Would you please release me?” I ask as calmly as I can.

They both smirk and tilt their heads to the side. They’re both very attractive, there is no doubt. They have spiky dark hair, high cheekbones, and trimmed goatees. Their bodies are ripped and tall, with tanned skin. But I feel nothing but annoyance at their attentions. I just want to go. The one holding me releases my arm and takes a step back. “Sorry. We just wanted to know who you were. You are one fine looking woman.” He says with a mischievous waggle of his eyebrows.

I snort and roll my eyes in response. “I appreciate the compliment, boys. But as cute as you both are, I’m not looking for a hookup of any kind, especially with a gladiator.” The other brother gives me a little boy pout and snaps his fingers. “That’s too bad, baby girl. Well, I’m Ewan, and this is my brother Mac; in case you were wondering.” He says with a soft lilt in his voice.

I shake both their hands and smile. “I’m Zoe. It’s nice to meet you.” They both give me identical smiles and bow. I want to snicker at their cheesy bow but find myself charmed instead. “A pleasure Zoe.” They say in unison. I wave goodbye as I turn to leave but almost choke when another voice interrupts. “Mac, Ewan, I didn’t know you two knew Zoe.”

I’m sure that all of the color has drained from my face at that moment. Unaware of my confusion, both men laugh heartily and extend their hands. “Hey Azazel, are you ready to get your ass handed to you?”

Azazel snorts and places a possessive hand on my waist. “Bring it, mate. I’m ready for you.” Both men fix their eyes on his hand and give me a sardonic smirk. “I thought you weren’t into gladiators?” I give Azazel my most withering glare and slap his hand from my waist before I respond. “I’m not!” I say through clenched teeth and stomp angrily away. I can hear the men asking Azazel questions as I make my way to Sahara’s table. It infuriates me and makes me cringe at the thought of what he might be telling them.

I avoid Azazel the best I can for the rest of the night. But the cocky bastard does not make it easy. At some point, I want to pour wine down his pretty face when he calls me servant girl and extends his empty cup out to me for a refill. It’s as if he enjoys tormenting me. He cups my waist inconspicuously when I bend over the table and runs his penetrating eyes over my chest when I lay a cup down. It’s infuriatingly obvious that he’s trying to irritate me into some response. But I refuse to give it, especially when Sahara’s giving me killing glares from across the table.

Everything comes to a head when he and his partner win a match between the twins, and he walks out of the ring, takes me in his arms, and squeezes my ass. Unable to take it anymore, I pull back furiously, slap him hard across the face, and push him away before I stomp off. The bastard has the nerve to wipe his tongue over his lips, caresses his cheek sensually, and laughs. I want to rip his gorgeous hair off his perfect head.

Rushing out of the back door of the club, I run my fingers through my curled hair and kick the wall violently. I turn, ready to attack, when a hand lands on my back. Gabe steps back with his hands up in surrender. “Whoa there. Mercy Zoe. I come in peace.” I look down at my coiled fists and wince in embarrassment giving Gabe a repentant look. “I am so sorry, Gabe. I-I-I’ve been having a bad night.” I stutter out in apology.

Gabe chuckles and lays his hands over my fists gently. “So I saw. I just came to make sure you were okay.” I bite my lip in chagrin and point to the door. “It’s okay, I just…Azazel pisses me off.” He laughs boisterously at my reply. “Yes, I saw that. Let me take you home.” He asks longingly. I want to say yes. Gabe is gorgeous and mannerly. He’s everything I would want in a guy. But my heart recoils at the thought of going anywhere with anyone that isn’t Azazel, which makes me want to spite him just for that.

So I take a step back and give him a grateful grin. “I appreciate the offer Gabe, but my shift isn’t over for a few more hours. And it wouldn’t look right to Sahara if I went home with you. I hope you can understand that I don’t want any problems with Sahara.” He frowns at my words but doesn’t refute them. “You’re right, Zoe. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t want you to lose your job. Maybe some other time.” He asks with a hopeful expression.

I shrug my shoulders and move around him. “Maybe,” I say with a flirty smile. Gabe quirks his lips and opens the door for me before he responds. “Maybe, sounds promising.” The music of the club is almost deafening when we walk back inside. Everyone is dancing and talking, unaware of the turmoil inside of me.

I walk past Gabe and make my way to the bar and almost turn back around when I see Sahara and Azazel dancing slowly in the center of my dance floor. My heart aches at the sight of their closeness. The obvious rejection stings my pride.

It pains me to admit it, but they look striking together. Sahara with her fragile figure and flaming red hair, and Azazel with his athletic build. It also brings home the fact that I was just a passing amusement for him. I turn away from their swaying forms and look into Gabe’s chocolate brown eyes. “Thanks, Gabe. I'll see you later.” But Gabe remains where he is. He gazes at Sahara, and Azazel then looks at me. “Looks like those two have something going on. I guess he’s not the discerning sort.” He says with a nonplussed tone. I ignore his comment and move to the back of the bar. What's the point in dwelling on someone who forgot you so quickly?

I ignore Sahara’s table for the rest of the night. Thankfully she doesn't seem to care. Once the night is over, I head towards the exit and, to my surprise, find Gabe waiting for me. He shrugs bashfully. “I know you said you didn't want a ride.” He holds up a hand before I respond. “And I wouldn’t want to go against your will, Zoe. But my dad taught me to be a gentleman. So how about I walk you to your vehicle instead?”

I look into his eyes, seeing a genuine concern, and nod my head. “Okay. I take the bus. You can walk with me to the bus stop.” His smile widens as he moves to the door and holds it open for me. “After you, my lady.” At first, I'm taken aback by the use of the word “my lady” since Azazel called me that. I stumble slightly but recover quickly. I refuse to let something so silly bring me down.

Gabe walks quietly with me towards the bus stop. He never makes a comment about my lack of a vehicle. Once we get to the stop, he gestures towards the bench and takes a bow. “Here we are, safe and sound.” He says with a boyish grin. I look at the bench, then turn to him with a grateful look. “Thanks, Gabe,” I whisper and lay a kiss on his cheek. Gabe uses the advantage and pulls me into his arms for a deep kiss. I stiffen in his arms. “Don’t, Gabe,” I whisper breathlessly. After another moment, he lays another light kiss and moves away. “Good night Zoe.” He says with a final smoldering look and walks away.

I’m thinking over the possibility of Gabe and I coming together when a husky male voice interrupts my thoughts. “Zoe, we need to talk.” I give Azazel a heated glare. He looks contrite, but I’ve had enough of his games. I want to think that I would have ignored him and walked away. But after the night I had, I just couldn’t hold it any longer. Before I know it, I step forward, lay my palms on his shoulder, and push him. “Well, I don’t want to talk to you, Azazel! So leave me alone!” I yell out belligerently.

Azazel releases a patient breath and makes to move towards me. I hold out my hand to stall his movements. “No! Stay away from me. I won’t do this. I will never let another man make me feel this way. I will not be like my mother!” Azazel staggers back.

“You have to listen to me, Zoe. Let me explain.” My vision blurs as a tear slides down my cheeks. “I asked you…” I stop and swallow my tears. “I asked you for an explanation, and you kicked me out of your house, remember?” He closes his eyes and rubs his hand over his temple in frustration. “I know Zoe. I just…there are some things you don’t know. But you can’t judge a situation because a girl walked into my yard.” I shake my head, wipe the stray tear, and scoff. “Fine. Was she your sister?” He shakes his head in denial. “No, she wasn’t.” My lips tighten further. “Family?” He shakes his head again. “No, she wasn’t family.”

I’m at a loss at this point. I throw my hands up and take a deep breath. “A lover, then?” He bites his lower lip and responds. “Nevaeh is Mikhail, my best friend's lady.” I release an exasperated breath and shrug my shoulders in confusion. “Then what was all the secrecy about if she wasn’t your lover?” Azazel looks away. I look at his profile to see his jaw ticking. Something about him looks uncomfortable. He looks guilty. That’s when it dawns on me. “You slept with her, didn’t you? You slept with your friend’s girl?” I utter in disbelief.

Azazel’s head snaps up. “No, I didn’t sleep with her. It wasn’t like that.” I shake my head in disbelief. “How was it like then?” His chest swells out. Then he looks directly into my eyes and answers. “We had a moment, but Mikhail knew about it. It’s complicated.” I push my hair behind my back and look away. My heart hurts at his confession. Now I understand why he would kick me out. It’s obvious that he has deep feelings for her. I’m most definitely an idiot.

My chin trembles when I try to respond. “Oh, I see. Well, then that explains everything.” I say and turn back around. However, before I can turn, he twists me back to face him. “It’s not like that, Zoe. I don’t feel that way about Nevaeh. I won’t pretend that I didn’t care about her, but I haven’t felt anything but friendship for her in a long time.” I scoff at his response, pull my arm out of his grip, and exhale deeply. “Either way, it doesn’t matter, Azazel. I meant it when I said that I don’t want to do this.”

He frowns in confusion. “But you do want to do this with Gabe?” He asks with a scornful sneer. I shake my head and look around in confusion. “No,…Gabe is a nice guy.” Azazel moves closer, places his hands in his pockets and snorts. “You think you want someone like that, luv, but you don’t.” I give him a derisive glare and snicker. “Why would you say that?”

Azazel doesn’t respond at first. Instead, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. I stiffen in his arms, trying not to stare at his full lips and dreamy eyes. But Azazel is a force to be reckoned with. He places a hand under my chin and meets my eyes. “I say that because I know that nice is not what you want. You would get bored with someone nice. You want someone who will challenge you. Gabe is not the man who will do that for you, luv.”

I place my fists on his shoulders and shake my head in disbelief. “You are so arrogant, Azazel. Tell me something. Do I also need a man who will kick me out the moment his former flame walks in the door? Or someone who flirts with other women while I’m in the room? Is that what I deserve?”

Azazel opens his mouth to refute my claim. But I’ve had enough of this conversation. Pushing his hands away, I stomp back forcefully. “I’m not an idiot, Azazel. And whether I want Gabe or not is my choice. What I do know is that I’m tired of this conversation.” I say heatedly and walk away.

I don’t bother to look back until I’m a good distance away. Thankfully, he’s not following me. However, I can’t help but wish that I had accepted Gabe’s offer to take me home. Or that I’d stayed at the bus stop instead of stomping off angrily.

It’s worse because my feet are killing me. I can’t help but regret wearing my gladiator heels as I make my way home. Unfortunately, that’s another thing Sahara demands we wear. I don’t think I have to tell you that it’s a miserable few hours walking around in those heels. When I worked Dusty’s, I would always make sure to slip on my cute pink ballet-style slippers every time my shifts ended. But I was in such a hurry earlier that I forgot them. It should only take me about half an hour to get to the apartment. A half-hour of misery thanks to Azazel.

As I make my way home, I think about Azazel’s belligerence towards Gabe and me. Would I get bored with Gabe? The mere thought that Azazel might be right makes annoyance rush through me. I can’t believe he had the nerve to tell me that he was intimate with his friend’s girlfriend, then tell me I was the one he wanted. I shake my head, trying to ignore the little voice inside my head that says that it was in the past and that he might actually want me. I just can’t take the chance. Every time I’m around him, I feel myself losing control of my emotions. I gaze straight ahead and cross over my chest, protectively.

Tonight is a quiet night. There’s a half-moon casting a light glow over the earth. The stars seem dim, and the streets solemn as I make my way to the apartment. I jump back when a shadow moves through the trees. A car door slams in the distance, and one of the street lights hum like bees. I’m about half a mile away when it happens. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Almost as if they can predict something dreadful. The lights on the streets begin to fade out. One light after another flickers then sputters out. Just as suddenly, a black curtain moves over the distance, enveloping everything it comes in contact with. I swallow deeply and speed up my pace. There’s no way this is happening right now. It’s my imagination. I mean, I’m awake. This can’t be my dream. Can it?

Then the wind picks up. Debris from the ground flutters around me. The street is in complete darkness now. I can barely make out where I’m going as I take a few deep breaths trying not to panic. All sound seizes. There’s no one in sight. I flinch when I hear shuffling resound in the distance. My breath hitches as terror creep through my body. Calm down, Zoe; it’s just your imagination. I think to myself. However, I can’t help but feel dread overtake me when I turn around and see a glowing mist appear on the street and begin to slither sinisterly towards me. Trepidation crawls up my spine as it purposely creeps in my direction.

Closing my eyes again, I repeat my mantra and try to calm down my breathing. “It’s not real, Zoe. It’s not real.” Taking another deep breath, I slowly open my eyes. A scream lodges in my throat as the mist rises and takes shape. I stumble back and look on in horror as it opens what looks like a mouth with sharp fangs and growls.

Somehow I’m able to snap out of my terror and turn to run. A hissing sound permeates my ears. It feels like it’s right behind me. I’m too frightened to look back, though. I look around the area in hopes of seeing my apartment, but it’s too dark to tell where I am. My feet ache painfully, my calves feel laden, and my chest burns with every breath I take. I feel like I’m running in place. Just then, my body freezes. I try to move my feet, but it’s like they’re glued to the ground. My arms are stuck to my side, and all I can move is my head. I crane my neck and look at my feet. The glow of the mist is encasing my feet. I cry in pain as it claws its way up my legs.

My vision begins to dim, and my head feels hazy. Lethargy makes my limbs. Sluggish, I try to shake off the feeling and strain to release myself from the mist’s hold. But I can feel the little bit of energy I have left wane. Giving it one last try, I manage to break from its hold and fall forward on my hands and knees before I rise clumsily. The heavy mist threateningly follows my clumsy footsteps. As quickly as I can, I turn back to where I think the apartment is and stagger home. I feel like I’m drunk as I stumble away from the mist. My feet feel heavy and weigh me down as if I’m wading through quicksand. I look back again in exhaustion, but the mist is gaining on me. Helplessness overwhelms me. I’m going to die. As soon as the thought hits me, a dark form materializes in front of me and traps me in its arms. I scream out, horrified, and struggle against my captor’s arms.

“Zoe, stop!” Azazel screams out, moving me behind him. I hold tight to his shoulders and look towards the incoming black form. I’m astonished to see that Azazel is holding a large deadly looking sword in his arms. He stands protectively in front of me and aims the sword towards the darkness as I cling to the warmth of his back. His eyes follow the moving shadow intently.

“Please tell me this is a nightmare?” I ask, feeling dread choke me. Azazel moves his other hand back and places it on my waist as he continues to keep his eye on the shadow. “Zoe, luv. When I tell you too, I want you to run to my car. It’s over there.” He says, nudging his chin toward a dark spot on the street. I shudder in terror and tighten my hands over his shoulders. “I don't know if I can move,” I mutter back. Azazel shakes his head calmly. “You can, Zoe. Just go to the car. It’s over there. I promise. Just do what I say.” I lay my mouth on the crook of his back, trying to conceal myself from the stalking shadow. My body shakes with dread as Azazel takes a few cautious steps back, keeping me behind him. The shadow must follow because a moment later, he tightens his hand on my waist and screams. “Go, Zoe!”

I move back and run towards where he gestured. The vehicle is exactly where he said it was. As quickly as I can into the safety of the car and close the door. I look towards where Azazel is standing. It’s hard to see through the dark fog. But I can see his masculine figure. Just then, the shadow lunges for him. He ducks down and stabs at it. My breath hitches and my mouth gapes open when wings sprout from his back, and his eyes begin to glow. I blink my eyes, trying to clear my vision. But when I open them again and look towards where he is, I still see black leather wings and crimson eyes.

His fighting is even more impressive than what I’ve seen in Sahara’s gladiator ring. When the shadow aims some kind of power, he flies back, flips, and lunges at what I assume is its head. He flaps his wings, pushing the shadow back and aims his sword over it, cutting through it. He twirls again and piercing the center of the shadow over and over again until the shadow fractures and shatters into a million pieces. As soon as that happens, the fog fades, and the dark monster disappears, leaving the shadows of the true darkness behind.

Azazel turns back to me and walks intently towards the car. I shrink back towards the passenger door in a panic when he retracts his wings, opens the car door, and slides into the front seat. My chest is heaving, and my heart is pounding wildly in my chest. Azazel doesn’t say a word. He simply keeps his eyes on the windshield. “What are you?” I shudder out nervously.

He doesn’t respond at first. After a moment, he lays his head back on the headrest and closes his eyes with a sigh. My body tenses when he turns his head towards me and opens his eyes to reveal their glowing embers. My breath hitches at the sight of his sharp teeth. His face looks narrower, almost otherworldly. His cheekbones are harsh and rigid. “I told you that we needed to talk.” He mutters through an even gravelly voice. My heart races as warning alarms resound in my head. I shake my head as panic sets in. What have I gotten myself into?

I try to scramble out the door, but before I can, Azazel lays a restraining hand over mine. That's when I hit complete panic mode and begin to struggle. “Stop, Zoe; I’m not going to hurt you.” But I’m not listening to his pleas. Somehow during the struggle, I end up straddling his firm lap. “Let me go!” I scream out hysterically. I’m unreasonable in my terror. Before I can fight again, Azazel pulls my head down, kisses me, and my struggles seize instantly.

At first, I just sit there and let his firm lips rest beneath mine. Then, as if a dam has broken, I tilt my head and return the kiss. Heat erupts through my body as our tongues meet in a torturous duel. I’m intoxicated by his taste. My body is in control now. I suck his tongue into my mouth and bite his lower lip gently with a sigh of pleasure.

His hands move up my back to pull me hard against his body. My nipples harden at the contact of his firm chest. Wanting to get closer, I wrap my hands behind his neck and twirl my finger through his silken curls. All you can hear now are the sounds of our heavy breathing and our pleasurable sighs. I rotate my hips, trying to relieve the ache that is blazing between my legs. A heavy feeling settles my covered folds. I grind my hips against the bulge in his jeans, making Azazel groan with every touch of our covered bodies. Part of it being, pleasure, and the other part, desperation.

My clit aches with bittersweet pleasure, creating a blazing knot inside my womb. Azazel sighs, and his hands slide down my neck to cup my breasts in his large hands. I sigh and moan, pulling my breasts closer to his wandering fingers. His big hands mold the firm globes as he tweaks my nipples and sucks my tongue deeper into his mouth. At that moment, all I want to do is rip every article of clothing from my body and slide down his hard shaft. I lower my hands and mold my hands over his firm chest and abs to trace every fine line with my fingers.

Suddenly, my need is too strong, and the blaze between my legs turns into a raging inferno. My clothing feels stifling and harsh over my sensitive nipples. Azazel must see my desperation because he slides the straps of my dress down my shoulders and uncovers my upper body to his intense gaze. The buds of my nipples become rigid as the cool air touches my bare skin.

We both pull away from the kiss, breathing heavily. My hair wraps around us, making it look like we’re in our own private world. All fears and recriminations are forgotten as we look into each other’s eyes. His eyes look glazed, and his lips are swollen and wet. I’m sure I look the same as I run my gaze over his rugged jaw, plump lips, and golden eyes. Placing my hands at the back of his neck to lead him to my bare breast, I arch my back and groan in ecstasy when his mouth closes over the tight bud. Sparks shoot through my womb when his tongue swirls and sucks on the hard nub. My mind clouds as my need overwhelm my senses. I cry out at the feel of his large calloused hands running up and down my back. I rotate my hips harder as the coil inside me begins to loosen, and wave after waves of explosive pleasure erupt inside my womb. My climax explodes like fireworks behind my eyes when I rotate my hips and sigh as I wring every bit of pleasure from his body. No sexual experience I’ve ever had has felt this intense—ever.

Azazel’s hands cup my ass grinding me harder against his hard bulge before he growls through his clenched lips and finds his own release. His eyes glow brightly as he lets out one last shudder and falls back on the seat. Feeling exhausted, we simply lie there and cling to each other. There is no sound in the car other than our heavy sighs and our wildly beating hearts.

Unfortunately, the heady sensations fade, and realization sets in. Disbelief at what I’ve done envelopes me. I can’t believe that I just climaxed on the lap of the man who has pushed me away since the day we’ve met. The man who kicked me out of his house and has flirted with Sahara in front of my face. A man who is not quite a man, but some kind of monster with glowing eyes. Somehow though, the fact that he’s some kind of monster doesn’t scare me as much as the fact that we practically had sex in his front seat.

As quickly as I can, I pull back, put my dress back in place, and slide back onto the passenger seat. Azazel frowns. “Are you well, Zoe?” He asks in his crisp British accent. Not wanting to answer, I keep my head down and hide my face behind the curtain of my hair. “Take me home,” I whisper as calmly as I can. I can feel his penetrating stare from the top of my head, but I don’t look up. I just can’t. It’s too embarrassing. Not just that. How can I let my guard down after what just happened out on the street? I have never had so many emotions overwhelm me at once.

The silence in the car is nearly deafening. Unlike before, this silence is most definitely awkward. I imagine that, like me, he is contemplating what had just happened. Azazel’s deep-penetrating voice suddenly cuts through the silence. “Listen, Zoe, what happened…” Anger shatters my pained reverie. Holding my palm up, I shake my head and stop him from saying another word. “Don’t! Just don’t!” I snap out angrily. My voice trembles from my anger. “Please. I don’t want to talk right now. I just want to go home, Azazel. I don’t…” I stop and swallow deeply, trying to keep hold of my tenuous control and cover my mouth to stifle the urge to cry. “I don’t want to do this right now. I don’t think I can handle this.” I say shakily.

Not another word is said after that.