Chapter 18: Natalia

I make my way up the stairs on shaky legs.

Sophia and the seamstress just left, and the house has quieted down. Even though tonight shouldn’t be that different to any other night, the house seems extra quiet, so quiet you could hear a pin drop from the other wing.

Aleksander has retired to his quarters, so the only people inside the main section are Mikhail and me.

The only good thing about that is the fact that I don’t have to feel so aware walking up the stairs with no panties on.

I’m wearing a woolen tunic that just brushes the tops of my knees.

I’m also aware of the moisture gathering between my thighs, and I’m not sure if I should lie to myself and believe I’m not aroused, because I am.

It doesn’t make sense to think I could be aroused for anything other than him, and I hate my body for betraying me. It’s like the years of being around the worst men known to man have done nothing for my common sense. What good is common sense here, though?

What fight do I have?

What power do I have?

I don’t need common sense to tell me what I already know, and being aroused is just one problem.

The other is that this is my first time with any man. I have no idea what to expect, or what being with him will be like after.

How will I feel after?

I’ve done more things with him than anyone, and he does something wicked to me. Something sinfully wicked to make me lose control. It’s like allowing madness to make you walk off the side of a cliff. You know, of course, you’re gonna die, but you still do it. You still allow madness to take you. That’s what he is to me.

I find him in the bedroom shirtless and leaning against the wall between the long French window and the sliding doors. He’s opened the window, and the cold night air is wafting in as he puffs on a Cuban cigar.

I didn’t know he smoked, but it doesn’t surprise me.

It suits him now that I see it.

He drags on the cigar and lets out a ring of smoke when I enter the room. His eyes are on me now. All over me, drinking me in, stripping me so bare I already feel naked and exposed.

As the door clicks shut behind me, he puts out his cigar, but he doesn’t close the window.

It’s too cold to have it open, but I’m thankful for the contrast it provides to the heat coursing through me.

I bite down hard on my back teeth and will myself to concentrate and think about why I’m doing this. It’s not hard to remember when I recall what he told me about surviving.

Those words are what ran through my mind last night as I spread for him.

“Wise selection on the wedding dress,” he states, being the first to break the silence.

“I guess as long as you like it, then it’s fine.”

“Do you like it?”

“Does it matter?”

“Do. You. Like it?” He comes closer and wraps me in his masculine scent.

“Yes. I like it.”

“Then we don’t have a problem, Malyshka, do we?” He quirks a hard brow.

“No. We don’t,” I agree and decide to change the subject. “What did you say to Sophia when you were looking at me?”

His lips tip into the beginning of a smile. “I told her it was time to leave because I wanted to spend time with you. Speaking of which, the time has just begun.”

So much for the subject change. All I’ve done is gone in the direction he wanted me to go.

My back goes ramrod straight when he reaches for the hem of my dress and lifts it so it rides up to my hips and exposes my pussy.

“Good girl. No panties. So obedient.” He cups my bare sex and strokes over my pussy lips.

“As if I have any choice.”

“You always have a choice, baby girl. It’s just a matter of which you like or what consequence you wish to pursue or avoid.”

That’s sounds like bullshit, because we both know it’s his rules or nothing.

He angles himself closer, and my heartbeat races. Closer and closer he comes until he’s a breath away from my lips. He runs his tongue over my top lip, tasting me while he keeps his eyes fixed on mine, and in that moment, I feel like I’m in the devil’s lair again, right in the den with the beast, and he’s sampling me before he takes me whole.

“Kiss me,” he breathes.

“What?” There’s no way he called me up here with no panties on just to kiss me.

“Kiss me, like this morning.”

I don’t want to, and I don’t want to do the other thing, either.

“Why? Why do you want me to kiss you?”

“Because this morning, you gave yourself to me.”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Liar.”

“I didn’t—”

His lips crash down on mine, stealing away my denial. The thing is, I don’t know if I’m lying to myself or if it’s the truth.

It’s hard to assess the validity of either when he’s kissing me like this, like he wants to take everything from me. My ability to focus has gone to hell, and all I feel is him.

He pulls away like he did this morning, and I’m left feeling like all my energy has been syphoned from me.

“You want me.” He considers me with a cold glare and cups my face.

“I don’t,” I answer firmly.

“I told you, I don’t like lies. I’m curious as to why you think you should keep lying to me when your body constantly betrays you.”

“I don’t want you, and whatever you take from me tonight won’t be with my permission or me giving myself to you. It’s force. The same way you’re forcing me to marry you.” I‘m losing control again, and he notices.

When he slides his fingers into my pussy and smiles as he feels how wet I am, I know he can see the truth through my words.

“Your cunt is soaked, Malyshka. Fucking soaking wet, and once again, I’ve barely touched you.” He starts pumping and tightens his grip on my chin.

I have no words. What the hell am I supposed to say? And what the fuck can I say when I’m trying so hard to hold back the moans building in my throat.

He presses his cheek to the shell of my ear and blows his hot breath over my skin.

“Have you been a dirty girl, thinking of all the filthy things you want me to do to you? Is that why you’re so fucking wet? Have you been thinking of all the ways you want me to touch you? Or maybe it’s what we’ve done before.” He speeds up, finger-fucking me now. “Maybe you loved feasting on my dick so much you can’t wait for me to fuck your brains out and have my cum inside your tight little pussy.”

“Stop it.”

“No, Malyshka.” One flick over my clit has me moaning, and the devil smiles upon me, relishing my defeat. “Liar. Such a pretty little liar. But you know what? I like it. Your defiance just makes me want you even more.”

I believe him. Why wouldn’t I? I might have lied to him continuously right from hello, but he’s never lied to me.

“You’re about to feel how much I want you,” he warns, moving over to the wall with me. As he shoves me up against the hard surface, panic assails me, along with a gamut of emotion.

He rips the dress off my body, and all I hear is the fibers tearing before it’s sailing through the air and I’m naked.

I gasp, but then he’s undoing his belt and shoving his pants down his hips.

“Wait,” I beg when he takes out his cock.

“Fuck no,” he growls.

Before I can protest again, he lifts my leg and guides his cock to my entrance.

As he pushes into my wet passage, I know any hope of escape is gone. He’s going to do this whether I want it or not. It’s like he said before. He takes what he wants. Nothing else matters.

He holds me against the wall and pushes his cock deeper, forcing his way through. His length inside me is so painful and thick it hurts like hell, but I feel a strange combination of pain and pleasure.

I cry out but can’t form words. The slight edge of pleasure cloying to the pain forbids me from stopping him.

“Shhh, baby, it will only hurt for a little while, just a little while.”

I look away and wince, but he catches my face and guides my gaze back to his.

“Look at me,” he commands as he pumps in and out of my passage slowly. “Look at me while I fuck you, Malyshka.”

“I hate you,” I whisper while he forces me to stare at him.

He gives me a ruthless smile and pulls out of my passage just for a moment.

“Liar.”

He thrusts back in, impaling me and taking away my innocence.

Forever.

I feel the moment my maidenhead snaps because my walls stretch, and I cry out from the pain of his massive cock tunneling into me.

It continues to hurt, until it doesn’t. It’s when he begins to move faster inside me that I feel good, and I hate myself again for the thought.

Shit. It feels really good. So good I start moaning.

He feels good, and I’m slipping away again into an unknown pleasure that calls to me with the promise of freedom.

How the hell can this make me feel free?

How can he make me feel free?

Yet he does.

Seeing I’ve passed that awkward stage of newness, he starts fucking me harder. Faster.

Faster and faster until we both fall into a rhythm.

The echoes of our bodies slapping together and the sounds of us having sex reverberate off the walls of the room. His deep groans and my moans combine in a forbidden symphony of sin, and the raw pleasure he gives me makes my body bow to the sweet sensation of being claimed. It sends my mind tumbling into surrender, and I let him take me.

I give myself to him, knowing I can’t fight this entity that has this power over me. It hooked its claws into my soul right from that first moment we met and possessed me, so all I’d do is obey his every command.

The truth is, I’m not sure if I’d want to fight because a sick part of me wants him, too. I got a taste of that yearning yesterday after he spanked me, and once again this morning. Now I have the full meal of what he has to offer, and my body wants it.

I want it.

The moment I accept that, I come. I come so hard, the wicked sensation sends me right over the edge.

I writhe against him, hot and wild like I’ve lost my damn mind.

“That’s right, Malyshka, give yourself to me,” he growls as my walls clench around his ruthless cock.

“Mikhail,” I cry.

“Fucking perfect.” His next words are in Russian and sound like he’s cursing, then he kisses me hard and cruel, and he comes, too.

The spray of his cum hits my walls then floods my passage, hot and virile.

So hot it radiates all over me and my skin tingles from the sensation.

He holds me against the wall as we calm from the explosion of pleasure, and I watch the pleasure on his face.

I take it all in. The chisel of his handsome face, his high exotic cheekbones, his honey-colored eyes with a twinkle that disappears so quickly it was like it was never there.

Then the moment shatters when he pulls his cock out of me and I slump forward, feeling like he’s stolen a part of my life-force.

He’s still holding my face. He loosened his grip while he was fucking me. Now it’s tight again.

Something wet and sticky runs down my thighs, and I glance down in horror at it.

It’s a mixture of blood and cum, evidence of what just happened and what it means. I watch his cum overpower the blood, a metaphor for us.

He looks down at it, too, and taps the edge of my chin so I look at him.

“That means you belong to me now, Malyshka. You’re mine. My woman. No matter what happens, you will always remember I was the one who took your innocence.”

He releases me, and I slump against the wall, too weak to stand, too weak to breathe or do anything besides look at him.

“I took your innocence, and I know your secret,” he adds with a pensive stare.

My eyes go wide. “What secret?”

“You wanted me to take you.” A wicked smile lifts the corners of his firm lips. “I felt the moment you gave yourself to me. Now you know that I know.”

I can’t even feel relieved he’s not talking about my bigger, darker secret because what he’s saying is true.

He backs away, and I watch him walk out the door, never looking back as he leaves me naked again, feeling ashamed and cold, broken on the floor.

I should be used to him leaving by now. This time just feels different.

Every day here has either ended or begun with something to jar me.

Tonight is no different.

I just have a new problem.