Chapter 18

Rob stood at the foot of Teghan’s bed and watched her sleep. He had a bad feeling that something was wrong. It’d been three full days since she’d been to the doctor’s and she hadn’t regained consciousness enough to do anything other than take medicine and use the bathroom. He hadn’t heard her speak any coherent thoughts during those times and now he was really beginning to worry that maybe he’d crossed the line.

***

Teghan shivered. She felt cold and confined, her legs sore and tired as if she’d just run a marathon she hadn’t trained for, her arms numb and stiff, inexplicably stuck by her sides, and her mouth stuffed full of cotton balls. Her head was pounding, a searing, razor sharp pain that made her temples throb. And she couldn’t open her eyes, yet she could see the light above her. It was so bright it was blinding. She gave up and stopped fighting, succumbing to sleep.

Ah, sweet warmth. She felt free from her confinement, able to roll over and back again, tossing and turning, getting wrapped up in something. Panic washed over her. It was soft and suffocating. She thrashed her arms and kicked her legs.

Ouch! Pain. So much pain. She was sitting on the toilet. Razors sliced through her vagina as she peed. She opened her legs and looked in the toilet bowl. Blood. ‘I’m bleeding,’ she screamed.

‘Relax, Teghan. It’s okay. You’re just menstruating.’

The metallic stench of blood filled her nostrils. Get it out. She had to get it out of her mouth, out of her throat and stomach. It was vile. Sour, bitter oranges oozed into her gut. She had to roll over. Had to throw up. It was too late. She didn’t make it. Sticky. Vomit and blood. Mixing. Swirling. Gluing her to the bed. Gluing the fuzzy cocoon to her body. She couldn’t move again.

Tired. So tired. She yawned, surrendering to oblivion. Sweet, sweet darkness. Teghan groaned. Or she thought she groaned. She’d meant to groan, but her lips felt so heavy. Her whole body felt heavy.

“Are you keeping her sedated?”

That voice. Who was it? She’d heard it before. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping, trying to figure it out. No! Don’t close your eyes. Open them. Her lids creaked open. Oh, the light. It was too bright. They snapped closed again.

“Yes, she’s been getting two pills every eight hours.”

Daddy!

“Good. Tomorrow I want you to decrease the dosage to one. It’s time to start weaning her off or else we’ll risk her becoming addicted.”

She wanted to giggle. That man sounded so funny.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

Teghan walked up to the counter. She was starving and dehydrated. Food. Water. Something, anything to sustain her. A baby handed her a glass of juice. ‘Time for your medicine, Teghan.’ Why was there a baby working behind the counter of a fast food restaurant?

She sipped the cold liquid and spit it out. It tasted rotten. Bitter.

‘Come on, sweetie. If you don’t take this you won’t get better. Just a little more. Drink up. Then you can go back to sleep.’ She forced the stuff past her lips. ‘Good girl.’

They were all babies. Clapping and cheering for her. The one working the milkshake machine was covered in ice cream. Licking it from its chubby fingers, rubbing it into its hair, throwing its hands in the air and giggling. Laughing. Smiling. It was infectious. Teghan began to laugh too. Until a man, a tall man with nothing but black fuzz for a face, came and took the baby playing in the ice cream. No! Don’t take the baby.

The baby behind the counter. Its arms and legs full of plastic tubes pumping orange liquid into its veins. It seemed happy, peaceful, and then it began to fade away. The tubes spilled orange froth to the floor. Bitter, rancid smelling concoction. Vomit. No, not again. It was too late. Someone had to save the baby.

“I’m worried about her, Rob.”

Mommy? Oh how she’s missed her.

“She’s going to be fine, Rachel. The doctor said so himself.”

“And the baby?”

Yes! Mom would save the baby.

“Maybe we should let her friends see her. I’ve read that people who are unconscious can hear things around them. Maybe if she heard some familiar voices it could help her.”

Friends…she liked her friends. What were their names again? Al, something? Lucas? Harmonie? Oh no, the blackness was returning, enveloping her, consuming her, carrying her away to the place of absurdity and nightmares. Please don’t. No, not again.

The sand felt warm beneath her skin. The water was crystal clear for hundreds of miles. A school of fish, a catfish with whiskers so long they reached out and tickled her toes. She giggled and pulled her feet to her body. The sun, high in the sky cast a bright hue, blanketing everything its rays touched. She looked to her left—a mom with an infant, breastfeeding and smiling. She looked to her right—a dad playing catch with a baby.

The outer edges started to turn dark, the circle of objects bathed by the sun became smaller and smaller and smaller until only she was affected by its rays. She looked up. It wasn’t the sun. A grossly large halogen lamp was suspended above her head. She tried to shield her eyes with her hand, but she couldn’t. Her hands were strapped to a table. Her entire torso was strapped down. What happened to the beach? The sand? The sun? The fish-filled water?

Something cold, hard, made of metal was poking at her. Muffled sounds circulated the space around her. Aliens? That was crazy. She hadn’t been abducted by aliens. But what was that thing standing over her then? Blue skin, camouflage hair, two brown marbles where there should’ve been eyes, and no nose or mouth, just a piece of white cardboard.

Icy cool juice pulsated in her body and tingled in her veins. Sweet, glorious sleep.

“I’ve done exactly as you’ve said, Doctor. She’s down to half a pill every twelve hours and she’s still showing no signs of waking up.”

“She’s been on this drug for just over a week. It’s going to take some time to work out of her system. Have some patience. I assure you, she’s fine.”

There was a large glass window. She couldn’t see through it, but she was positive someone was behind it, watching her, caring for her. She could feel their presence. And she was certain that whoever it was, was the same person who’d brought her here. Where was here? The place smelled clean. Sterile. Safe.

It was a man. He stood near the foot of the bed she lay on. She could tell he was talking, his lips were moving, but no sound came from them. A nod to the stranger behind the window. A nod to her and then…

“I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I hope you can. You need to get better soon, Teeg. We all miss you.”

Only three people called her that. Her brother, Alex, and Annabelle. It was a man’s voice. Trevor or Alex? She couldn’t be sure. Sweet, gentle Alex. He’d wanted to marry her. But she wasn’t going to let him. Was she? I don’t know. Maybe. She stood in front of a church in a wedding dress. It was empty save for the man at the altar. It wasn’t Alex.

Walking, slowly, one step then another and another and another. The closer she got the further away he seemed. She reached out her hand to him. It wasn’t a man. It was a baby. Naked save for a diaper. Crying. It wouldn’t stop crying. Why? Please, baby, please stop crying. She reached for it. It was gone. Vanished. Disappeared into thin air.

Someone took her hand. Fingers twisted around hers. Holding. Squeezing. Caressing. She looked up. She was alone. The floating hand still held onto her, grounding her, refusing to let her drift back to the serenity of nothingness.

“Annie is going crazy without you. She calls me a hundred times a day. She’s worried about you, Teghan. So am I.”

The darkness is fading into something less obscure. Something lighter, but not bright like the sun or the halogen lamp that still hovered over her, something fuzzy. Flashes. Blurry faces. People stood around her. Mom. Dad. Trevor. Tayla. Annie. Alex. Someone was missing. Who? Donnie. ‘I can’t tonight.’ He couldn’t. ‘Fine.’ He was busy. She’d go alone. It would be okay.

“I don’t know what happened to you. Your father says you have some sort of virus.”

What was wrong with her? She didn’t feel sick. Tired. Sore. Anxious. Hungry. Parched. But not sick. And groggy. So groggy. Everything was so fuzzy. Was any of it real? Was Alex really here talking to her?

“It’s not contagious, whatever it is. I’m thankful for that. I had to beg your father to let me come see you.”

He had to beg? Why? Her father liked Alex. Her father wanted her to be with Alex. Sweet, gentle, caring Alex. Such a good guy. She was back at the church again. This time it wasn’t empty. It was full of her family and friends. Alex stood at the altar, waiting, smiling. She closed her eyes and he lifted her veil. Kissing her softly on the lips.

“Classes suck without you. When are you coming back? I don’t think I can listen to Harmonie a second longer. She just keeps talking about things I really don’t care about.”

Teghan found herself sitting in the pews next to Annabelle, watching Alex lift Harmonie’s veil and kiss her. Hadn’t she been up there a second ago? Shouldn’t that bother her? Alex and Harmonie. Harmonie and Alex. Kissing. Hugging. Harmonie turned and smiled. She was pregnant. Very pregnant.

“I met someone, Teghan. His name is Cooper. He’s a friend of Logan’s and he’s so cute. I can’t wait for you to meet him. When you’re feeling better maybe Cooper and I can double date with you and Donnie. That’ll be fun, won’t it?”

Donnie. Emerald green eyes, dimple the size of a crater, strong arms, flat stomach, kissable lips. They were at Crystal Cove, eating shrimp and watermelon under the big willow tree. He smiled at her and she kissed him. They ran towards the water. It was cold. Donnie laid her in the sand and made love to her. ‘I love you.’ She loved him too. ‘The only option I’m willing to consider is the one where we have this baby together.’

Teghan’s head lolled back and forth in the sand as if disjointed from the rest of her body. Babies. There were babies everywhere. Playing in the sand. Floating in the water. White babies, black babies, live babies, dead babies. Babies, babies, babies, babies…no, no, no.

“No,” Teghan whispered. Her throat was sore and her voice was weak, sounding more like a croak than a word.

“Teghan?” Annabelle said.

“Babies,” Teghan muttered. “Save them. No.”

“Teghan, its Annie. Teghan?”

Annabelle’s voice was so far away and it kept getting more distant with every word spoken. Bye, Annie. You’re my best friend. I love you. Teghan was at her parent’s house. In the pool. Her head beneath the waterfall, cascading over her like a shower. It was cold. Refreshing. Liberating. Her foot slipped and she went under. She couldn’t get her footing. More and more water poured over her, the light of day getting farther and farther away. It felt like someone was sitting on her chest. She couldn’t breathe. She tried to gasp, but her mouth and lungs filled with chlorinated water. She was suffocating.

Her eyes fluttered open and she gasped, lifting her entire upper body off the bed, filling her lungs with air. Teghan looked around and squinted in the dimness, slowly settling back into the bed. She was at her parent’s house in her old childhood bedroom. She was alone. Hadn’t Annabelle just been talking to her? And Alex before that? Where were they?

Teghan tried to sit up, but her entire body was stiff as if she hadn’t used it in months. And her head—it was pounding. It felt as if it’d been slammed through a brick wall by the ass end of a Mack truck. “Ow,” she said, gripping her head with her hands. What time was it? Laying her head back on the pillow she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

She stood next to her waterfall. Someone’s arms were wrapped around her. She looked up and saw those familiar green eyes smiling down at her. Donnie. “We can take this as slow as you want.” He pressed his lips to the soft, warm flesh of her neck. She sucked in her breath and held it as he planted exquisite, lingering kisses on her. She let her head fall back to her shoulders. His touch was sheer magnetism, drawing her deeper to him, destroying her.

“Tell me, Teghan,” he demanded. “Tell me you don’t want this.” He nibbled on her earlobe. His lips worked across her jaw towards her mouth. “Tell me you don’t want my baby.”

Teghan’s eyes snapped open, her heart banging on her chest, demanding to be let free. She looked around. She was still at her parent’s house, but the room looked less blurry, less ominous and it was daylight. That dream…no, it wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. That was the first weekend of college, the weekend Donnie and Alex stayed in Hayden Falls, the weekend Trevor had thrown that party. The one where Alex had been all over Beth and Donnie had tempted Teghan by the pool. But he’d never said anything about having a baby. She gently shook her head and let her eyes close. It was just a dream.

“Teghan?”

She opened her eyes and looked towards the door. “Mom?”

Her mother rushed over to her and gave her a hug, kissing her forehead repeatedly. “I’m so glad to see those beautiful eyes of yours,” she said. “I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to wake up.”

“Mom,” Teghan said pushing her away. The affection was suffocating. “Why am I here?”

“Teghan, sweetie.” Her mom chuckled. “You collapsed. Don’t you remember?”

“No.” She shook her head and quickly stopped when a shooting pain pierced her brain. She collapsed? How come she couldn’t remember? “Mom, what happened?”

“I’m not sure exactly. I wasn’t here, but your father said you came over to talk to him and you weren’t feeling well. You got up to leave and then collapsed. He took you to the hospital.”

“He did?” Teghan closed her eyes and tried to remember why she’d come to talk to her father. Nothing. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing that we know of. The doctor thinks you have some sort of virus.”

Her mother wasn’t making any sense. Maybe I’m still dreaming. She yawned.

She reached up and grabbed the box from the shelf. Her hands were shaking as she allowed the possibility to sink in. The dates matched up and the math didn’t lie. Paying for the test, she found the public restroom in the back of the pharmacy and sat on the toilet. The plastic stick was firmly grasped between her fingers. Here goes…

Positive!

‘You’ve reached Donnie. Leave it after the beep.’

‘Donnie, its Teghan. I’m pregnant. And before you ask, yes, it’s yours.’

‘The only option I’m willing to consider is the one where we have this baby together.’

‘I just don’t want you to feel trapped by all of this.’

‘Oh, baby.’ His arms were around her again. Holding her, comforting her, loving her. He wanted them, both of them. Teghan plus one.

Donnie was gone. Teghan was alone, standing near her waterfall, the water running red with blood. Whose blood? She patted her hands over her body. Not her blood. It stunk. Vile, rancid, stomach-churning smell. Her head snapped to the right. A baby crying. She followed the sound around the pool. Once. Twice. Three times. The crying was getting louder. Where was it?

Behind the waterfall. A tiny pink cradle rocked. She peeked inside. A baby, wrapped in a pink blanket, a tiny pink knit cap on its head and a greyish-blue face. Teghan picked up the precious little bundle and swayed it back and forth, humming, smiling. She gave it a gentle kiss. It was so cold. She tucked the blanket tighter around it.

It was gone. She was left holding an empty blanket. Where did the baby go? ‘Baby!’ ‘Baby!’ ‘Come back here, baby!’ It was useless. ‘What about the baby?’ There was no baby. Not anymore. It was gone.

Teghan opened her eyes with a shudder. She took several deep breaths and looked around. It was dark outside and she was still at her parent’s house. What the hell was going on? Why did she feel so strange? And what was with those dreams? She put her hands on her stomach, attempting to calm down and make some sense of what was going on. That’s when she noticed it. A deep, soul-searing, emptiness in her gut.

“No,” she whispered, tears trickling down her face. “No.” They weren’t dreams. Not all of them. They were memories. Fragments of memories. She was missing something. Something important. What was it? God, why couldn’t she think straight?

She needed answers. Teghan flung the blanket off of her and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Taking another deep breath, she stood. Moments later her knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor. She cried out in pain and clutched her stomach. Her baby. “Oh, God, no,” she sobbed.