Every minute that I have to wait feels like an hour. My foot taps against the pavement, my arms cross and uncross, and my breath keeps catching in my throat. I can’t stop checking my phone, even though I know the time isn’t moving any faster just because I’m watching it. But it’s not just the waiting. It’s the setting. It’s wrong. This is supposed to be a secret meeting. Maybe even a kidnapping attempt, depending on how you look at it. And yet, the world around me doesn’t feel right for what we’re about to do. The alley isn’t dark and damp, with the stench of rot lingering in the air like something out of a crime drama. No, it’s just… Normal. The sun is still shining as late afternoon turns into early evening. People are everywhere, leaving work, laughing, talking, carrying cups of overpriced coffee. The nearby cafe is still fairly packed as they sell their last pastries of the day. Even the alley itself feels out of place for something like this. It should be a grimy, forgotten place, littered with crumpled papers and questionable puddles, but instead, it’s well kept. The bins from the cafe are tucked neatly to one side, and even those aren’t particularly offensive. Someone takes care of this space. This doesn’t feel like the setting for a kidnapping. But then again, this isn’t supposed to be sinister, is it? We’re trying to help him. I exhale slowly, trying to steady myself. No more kidnapping thoughts. This is a rescue mission. We’re doing the right thing. Except… How many people have thought that exact same thing before doing something terrible? The question creeps into my mind and lingers in my thoughts, refusing to let go. I tug on my ponytail, frustration and anxiety tangled together in a knot inside my chest. This is impossible. I start pacing. Small steps at first, but they quickly grow longer, more restless. My boots scuff against the pavement. Roxy watches me pace with a curious expression. She can obviously tell that something is up. By the time I loop the alleyway for the fifth time, my heart is racing, and I feel like I might need to go over to one of those tidy bins and throw up. I turn again and walk straight into Lukas’s chest. I nearly stumble back, but before I can, his hands catch my waist, steadying me. He doesn’t let go. Instead, his arms settle around my lower back. I wait for him to let go, but he doesn’t. It takes me a moment to realise that he stepped in my way on purpose. He’s intentionally holding me still right now, anchoring me in place.
“You need to stop thinking so much.” He says, voice low and steady.
“You’re upsetting yourself. We already made a decision, and you’re second guessing yourself. You shouldn’t.” He says this firmly, apparently he doesn’t have doubts about this plan like I do, but how can I not?
“Of course I should!” I shoot back, my voice cracking with the weight of everything pressing down on me.
“This is insane. I would be an awful person if I didn’t at least hesitate!” My tone is getting louder and more high pitched as I get more agitated. I pause and take a breath. This isn’t his fault. I shouldn’t yell at Lukas. Lukas nods, acknowledging my words and my silent attempt to calm myself without dismissing them.
“I understand that.” He says carefully.
“But you and I both know this is the only thing we can do right now. We don’t have a perfect plan yet, but Wren is a child. Before we worry about what’s fair or right in the bigger picture, we need to make sure he’s safe.” Lukas sounds confident. I wish I felt as sure as he does. I swallow hard.
“But what if we make things worse?” My voice is quieter now.
“Right now, Solem needs him. Wants him for something. If we take him, if we piss off Solem, are we just making it worse? Are we putting Wren in even more danger?” I ask. I desperately want him to say no. Lukas hesitates. Just for a second. And that hesitation nearly guts me.
“Maybe.” He admits.
“But Clare… Wren came to us. He asked for help. Do you really think he doesn’t know there are risks? That he doesn’t understand what he’s asking us to do?” He exhales, his grip tightening slightly on my waist.
“He wants to fight back against Solem. We’re giving him a way to do that.” He says slowly. Is he trying to convince himself or me?
“But he’s so young.” I whisper, and the weight of it is enough to make my chest ache.
“I know.” His voice is softer now, almost pained. He does know. He’s just as torn up about this as I am, but he’s better at holding himself together. I check my phone again. Ten more minutes until Wren is due to arrive. This wait is going to kill me. I just want to stop thinking. Just for a minute. Just long enough to breathe without guilt and anxiety pressing down on me. Lukas watches me closely. His expression shifts slightly, something unreadable flickering in his eyes.
“Do you mean that?” He asks slowly.
“Hm? Mean what?” I ask, not sure what thought exactly he’s referring to.
“That you want to stop worrying.” He clarifies.
“Of course I mean it.” I have no idea why he’s asking, I would think it’s pretty obvious that I want to calm down a bit. Lukas gives me a funny look, like he’s figuring something out. Then, without another word, he leans in and kisses me.
The kiss doesn’t last long. A few seconds, maybe less. Honestly, it was probably barely more than a peck, just the lightest press of his lips against mine. But even in that brief moment, everything else faded away. The noise of the cafe, the hum of traffic, the weight of everything we’re about to do, it all disappeared, leaving nothing but the warmth of him, the steady grip of his hands, and the way his breath ghosted against my skin. And then, just as suddenly as it happened, it’s over. Lukas pulls back so fast it’s like he’s been burned. He takes two, three steps away, putting space between us as he stiffens, his posture going rigid. His hands move behind his back, fingers linking together in a forced, almost military like stance, as if holding himself in place. He looks like he wants to say something but isn’t sure if he should. His gaze flickers to mine, hesitant but searching. Then, finally, he exhales.
“I don’t think I want to read your thoughts right now.” He says, voice carefully controlled.
“Or maybe I do want to, but I shouldn’t.” He adds, his tone almost guilty. The explanation makes sense, in a way. But I’m not sure it matters, because even I don’t know what I’m thinking right now. My thoughts are a tangled mess of confusion, heat, and something dangerously close to realisation. He kissed me. Lukas kissed me. It wasn’t an accident, and it wasn’t a joke. Neither of us is drunk. It wasn’t even a heat of the moment, we might die later so why not kind of thing. It was deliberate. Even if it was quick, even if he backed off like he immediately regretted it, he still did it. And that means something. I inhale slowly, my pulse still hammering, and force myself to think clearly. In the end, I come to two very important conclusions. One, Lukas might actually, genuinely be interested in me. Not just as an ally, not just as someone who happens to be caught in the same situation as him, but as something more. I should probably stop pretending otherwise. And two… I REALLY need to figure out exactly how I feel about him. Preferably before he decides to stop holding back and just reads my mind to figure it out first.