"F-father?" I ask in the other line.
"It's me, your uncle Blair." I'm not sure why, but a wave of anxiety sprang up in my chest. Even after I went back to Itacha, we never got in touch with my family. All I know is that my father went with his family to Manhattan. He urged me not to go there or contact any of their families for support so I did what he wished for and distanced myself from them.
Saying "Uncle John," I covered my mouth. This time, something seemed amiss, and a weight began to build in my chest. I wondered, "Why were you calling me?" They knew for sure that my father detested his own daughter after blaming me for my mother's demise.
I was the one who was blamed in the end for my mother's death, even though the truth is that they fight all the time and Mom hides the truth about her illness. I found out that Mommy had a significant heart condition, and all Daddy provided to my mother was condescension. I was so numb that I didn't even beg for his love for me at that time. And it's my dad, I shall do as he says when he disowned me. I blame myself for not giving it my all so we could both be together.
I was astounded and unsure of how to respond when I heard, "Your dad is ill; he had brain cancer." At that moment, I felt as though I was out of breath. How is that possible to happen? Why have they only informed me recently?
Stunted, I asked Uncle John, "W-why, Uncle John? Why did you just tell me now? Why had he told me just now? How was he?" I ask him one after the other, despite our rocky separation, I still have affection for my father because he was my king and cannot be replaced.
"Because we just found out everything earlier. And he wanted you to come here." I rushed back home before Uncle could finish his sentence. This is unfortunate; perhaps he will experience more hardships and I want to be by his side.
***
When I reach home, I notify Hiro to start packing up, but he gives me an expression of bewilderment. A knot in my throat is attempting to prevent me from expressing anything. My mind is fighting over what to do, and even my thoughts are unraveling. Although I would like to relax, I know that my father is not fine, consequently, I can't. I am puzzled about a lot of things.
He trailed me and my twin merely stared at us, asking, "Why?" I don't want to come out as ill-mannered to them, but I have to since my head is throbbing and I'm not even certain on what to do. He seized both of my trembling hands and said, "Answer me, Blair." I was at a loss for words and felt faint.
I'm in the room with Hiro, away from my kids, and even if I have an urge to shout, I have to act graciously since my kids would hear me. I broke down in tears and knelt on the ground. Hiro encouraged me and persisted in inquiring about my situation. Nevertheless, I cannot respond to him and tears start to fall down my cheeks.
"I can't do it anymore." Even if my father and I don't get along, I still care for him. And learning about his illness has devastated me, my heart couldn't take it. Before the event, we had always gotten along well and worked together to get even with Mom, so I never imagined that he would end up opposing me. Yet I understand why he reacted like that before, his love for my mom was unconditional. And right now? He is I'll, I'm so upset that I want to split my head in pieces thinking that this is all my fault.
"Shh," Hiro kneeled to be level with me; he caressed my back, which only made me wail even more. I was being more emotional; it's understandable since he was my father, it's the man I promised to give him a better life. I know, I shouldn't care about him when he abandoned me, but he is my first love. Even if he treated me as a nemesis, I cannot endure knowing that he is suffering.
"I want to go home," that's all I said until Hiro put me on my bed. "H-home," even though my voice is fading, I still manage to speak.
"Shh Blair, he'll be fine. We're going home," he rubbed my back. "You fix all the babies and your things while I bathe them," he offered while I was just sniffing there and dodging. “Everything will be alright Blair, I am here, okay?”
"Okay," every time I considered returning home for my dad, my heart began to race. What is his opinion of me? Just recall him when he is at his lowest point. I have to deal with his hatred against me as he is the only family I have. I could hear my kids asking Hiro where we were going, but their uncle just made them shut up. So I decided to hasten my move.
"We'll go to New York," Hiro encouraged the children. I was beyond thankful that Hiro was with me through the ups and downs, even though sometimes he always annoys me with other things. I know he cares a lot for me and my kids. "We'll play there, then vacation!" I heard Red jump and clap in excitement.
"Why? We can have our vacation here in Chicago." Rayden's the one who asked Hiro. I don't know if I'll laugh or cry because even in this situation, my kids can always overcome what I feel. I secretly laughed, especially when Hiro answered.
"No comment," he said, immediately ending the conversation and taking them to the bathroom. Hiro knew Rayden; the kid wouldn't stop asking about things he was curious about because my son wanted to know every little thing he encountered.
After everything was in place, I turned to face my two kids. I had no idea how to tell them about my infants because they had never heard of them. However, shouldn't they be aware of them? Nonetheless, what if they end up hating them? What if they take my child from my presence? I don't think I could put up with it. It was fortunate that Hiro was present to conceal my kids when I showed them.
This is not part of what I planned. To be with them and my kids, all I want is for my kids to be with me. That's the only thing I wish for and nothing else. I don't want to go back because I was thinking what would Raven do when he finds out about the kids? Would he accept them, or would he deny them because he was married to the love of his life? I'm afraid of what my babies would feel after knowing that their dad didn't like them.
I choose to keep the baby away from them because I am not interested in ruining Raven and Lethia. I refuse my kids to see their dad. Not at all. I do not wish to be apart from them, their father is a Smith and could make the impossible possible. Furthermore, I don't have plans on exposing them to Raven. He is not entitled to me, yet he is entitled to my kids. I felt weak imagining when he found out about my kids.
I shake a leaf, feeling so terrified of what might take place when he takes my kids away from me. I will not agree; I'll fight for my kids.
"Let's go." I took a deep breath and looked at Red and Rayden, who were ahead and walking towards the outside because they were excited about our trip innocently.