Chapter 126 - Samuel
Samuel sat in his office, trying not to dwell on having left his daughter alone, with a boy he barely knew. A thorough background check had been done, and Theodore McCullough was, on paper, a decent kid, but it didn’t stop him from worrying. Vivian was in a fragile state, and he hadn’t wanted to leave her side, let alone allow a stranger to speak with her without supervision.
Not that she was really alone. Gilbert was nearby — out of earshot, but close enough — and, if something happened, he could respond within seconds, even with his bad leg. It would have been preferable for Tyrell to be the one on duty, but Samuel had given him the day off, since the plan had been to have some father-daughter time after the meet concluded.
All three of his sons had followed Samuel into his office and were lounging in the available chairs. None of them had said a word after leaving the living room; what was there to say? They were all unsure how to deal with what happened, which was why they’d all just hung around Vivian in the living room, hoping their presence was enough to make a difference.
All four of their phones dinged in unison, causing them to exchange curious glances. Samuel pulled his out, and saw it was a message from Vivian to their family group chat.
Vivian: \[You can come back now.\]
The message was so short. It didn’t stop Samuel from worrying even more.
“Guess we can see how he made out,” Gabriel said as he read the message off Sebastian’s phone, since he couldn’t use his own at the moment.
Samuel led the way back to the living room. When he first entered he couldn’t see Vivian’s face, but when he rounded the couch and noticed how red her eyes were, and the look of defeat on her face, it took every ounce of self control to not react. Laurent took the seat Gilbert had been using, while Sebastian and Gabriel took to the love seat. Once the boys had settled in, Samuel chose to lean against the arm rest of the love seat, so he was facing his daughter, and could react quickly, if she said Theo had done anything she hadn’t liked.
The boy in question reached over and took hold of Vivian’s hand, causing her to glance his way. He gave her a small nod and she lowered her gaze before letting out a sigh. “You got this,” Theo assured her, and she nodded.
Samuel watched as his daughter took a deep breath, held it, then slowly exhaled. “I, uhm,” she began, her voice shaky, but clear. “I need to tell… you all something.”
Something in Samuel’s gut tightened as he watched the struggle on Vivian’s face, her mouth moving like she was having a hard time finding the right words. He wanted to reach out to her, to say it was fine, to take the time she needed but, instead, he forced himself to stay where he was and say nothing. Theo was the one who’d found a way to support her and, if Samuel suddenly charged in, there was a chance it would only cause more issues.
So he waited, attempting to appear patient, when inside was a storm of different emotions.
“M-mom… I was suppose to die but she… She wasn’t suppose to…”
It felt like he was frozen in place. Samuel understood what his daughter was saying, but it was like something in him refused to acknowledge the truth; not because he had an issue with Annie saving their daughter, but because he suddenly understood Vivian a lot more. Witnessing her mother’s death was one thing, but knowing it had been meant for her? The guilt must be suffocating.
“I wasn’t supposed to be born,” Vivian continued, jerking Samuel from his thoughts. “I shouldn’t… have been born. She could have left, if I didn’t exist. And now she’s gone because of me.” The pain in her voice cut deep, and he found himself kneeling in front of his daughter.
“Vivian, look at me,” he told her, working to keep his voice soft and not show how upset he felt on the inside.
His daughter shook her head, continuing to stare at her lap, as though the rest of the world didn’t exist. Instead of letting it go, Samuel reached out and hooked his fingers under her chin, forcing Vivian to look at him. Her face was a canvas of pain and tears, and it broke his heart just seeing it.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” she whispered through the tears.
“Vivian,” he breathed.
“P-please… don’t hate me.”
His heart felt like it was being torn apart. “How could I hate you?”
“She’s gone… because I was born…”
Samuel could understand why she’d think that, but being a parent was about doing everything in your power to protect your children. Knowing Annie had died to save Vivian helped him better accept her death; because he would have gladly done the same.
“She could have left… but I… she… It’s all my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” he told her, voice firm this time. “You did nothing wrong, Vivian.” Something told him nothing he said would convince his daughter of her innocence. He moved his fingers from under her chin, using his hand to pull her into his chest. Wrapping his arms around her trembling form, Samuel held her tightly, unbothered by the fact she was crying into his shirt.
When she hugged him back, he buried his face in her hair, fighting his own tears as Vivian broke down even more.
“It’s not your fault,” he reminded her, voice cracking with emotion. “Annie wouldn’t like it if she knew you blamed yourself… so don’t. None of this is your fault.”
“I-I just… don’t want to leave…” he heard her whisper.
“Why would you leave?” He tried, and failed, to chuckle, it sounding more like a broken laugh than anything.
“…how can you want me… when mom… when mom’s dead because of me…?”
Samuel tightened his hold on her as tears finally slid down his cheeks, disappearing into his beard. “Vivian. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it as many times as needed until you believe me: I am never letting you go. Never.”