Chapter 89: Not Leo

Chapter 89: Not Leo

Ivy

This is wrong.

Andy is a horrible person for doing this to me when I went to him for comfort. All I wanted was for him to hold me. I wanted the version of him that pulled me out of the water years ago, gave me life again, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and told me I was safe.

I did not want this.

“Andy, stop. Get off me.” I hit his chest with the heel of my palm.

He didn’t even flinch.

Instead he buried his face in the curve of my neck and dragged his mouth along my skin like he had every right to be there.

His hand closed over my breast through the fabric of my shirt and squeezed hard enough that I felt the sting all the way down my ribs.

“What are you doing?!”

“You smell so good, Ivy,” he murmured against my throat.

I don’t know what effect he expected those words and that touch to have. Whatever it was, it wasn’t this. Disgust rolled through me in a thick, nauseating wave.

My stomach turned. My skin crawled. This wasn’t the Andy I had loved. This wasn't the Andy I treasured when I was ten. This version of him would have held me under until I stopped kicking.

“Get off,” I said again, louder this time. “Andy, I’m serious—”

He kept kissing me. Kept grinding his hips down like my body was something he could just take because I was crying and he was there.

Every time I shoved at his shoulders he only pressed closer, like my resistance was part of the game. My whole body shivered with revulsion. I could feel him hard against my thigh and it made me want to scream.

I grabbed his shoulders and shoved with everything I had. “I don’t want to have sex with you! Stop touching me!”

My knee came up on instinct. I didn’t even think about it. I just drove it upward and caught him exactly where it would hurt the most.

The sound he made was ugly. He rolled off me immediately, curling onto his side, both hands clutched between his legs.

“Jesus, Ivy!”

I didn’t wait to see if he would recover. I scrambled off the bed, snatching my clothes from the floor where he had tossed them earlier.

My hands were shaking so badly I almost dropped my leggings twice. I pulled my shirt over my head first, then my pants, not even bothering with my messed up hair. I just needed something between my skin and the air in this room.

“What is wrong with you, Andy?” The words tore out of me, raw. Fresh tears poured down my face and I didn’t even try to stop them. “You’re supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to comfort me. To help me feel better. Not this. Not trying to take advantage of me when I’m this emotional.”

He glared at me from the mattress, still bent over, still holding himself. The look in his eyes was so dark I actually stepped back.

“I am not your friend, Ivy.” He spat the words like they tasted bad. “I don’t want to be your friend. Why does Leo get to be your boyfriend and I’m stuck in the friendzone?”

I stared at him. For a second I couldn’t even process what he had just said.

“Well, you’re not Leo,” I screamed. “You’re Andy. You’re like my big brother. Weren’t those your words? You said that. You said it more than once.”

“I didn’t mean it.” He pushed himself up on one elbow, face still twisted in pain. “I want you. I’ve never considered you my little sister. What makes Leo so special? What does he have that I don’t?”

I felt nothing but disgust. It sat in my mouth like something rotten. This Andy is very disgusting.

“Leo would never try to take advantage of my vulnerability,” I said. My voice came out quieter than I expected, but it was steady. “That’s the difference. You're out of your mind.”

I didn’t give him another second. I ran.

The hallway felt endless. My bare feet slapped against the floor. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to see if he was coming after me. I just needed to get to Leo’s room, even if Leo wasn’t in it, even if Leo had already chosen someone else.

I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, breathing like I had just run a mile. The tears came harder then, the kind that make your whole face ache. I slid down until I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled to my chest.

Why, Leo? Just why?

Why did it have to be Maddie? Why my sister, of all people? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth from the beginning?

I pressed my forehead to my knees and cried until my throat felt raw. I wasn’t supposed to be in love with him. I had told myself that over and over. We had only been together a handful of weeks.

It was too fast. It was too much. It wasn’t real.

So why did it feel like someone had reached into my chest and started tearing pieces out?

I sat there until the crying slowed into those ugly, hiccupping breaths that make your ribs hurt. Then I forced myself up and walked into the bathroom.

The shower was scalding. I stood under it and let the water beat against my face, hoping it would wash the feeling of Andy’s hands off my skin. It didn’t. I kept seeing his face when he said he wanted me. Kept feeling the way he had grabbed me like I was already his.

And underneath all of that was Leo.

The way he had looked at me the first time we kissed. The way his hands had been careful and sweet the night I gave him everything. The way he had whispered my name like it was something he couldn't live without.

Was any of it real?

Or had I just been convenient while he waited for Maddie to end things with Andy?

I stayed in the shower until the water ran lukewarm and my fingers pruned. Then I got out, dried off, and dressed in the first clothes I could find that weren’t the ones Andy had taken off me.

I couldn’t look at those anymore.

Packing didn’t take long. I hadn’t even been here two full weeks. Most of my things were still in the same suitcase I had arrived with. I folded shirts I didn’t remember buying. I shoved toiletries into a bag. Every time I looked at the bed my stomach twisted.

That was the same bed where I had let him inside me for the first time. The same bed where he had been so careful, so gentle, so wrecked by the fact that I was giving him something I had never given anyone else.

I had believed every word that came out of his mouth that night. Now I didn’t know what to believe. Or who to believe.

I zipped the suitcase and stood there staring at it like it might tell me what to do next.

I couldn’t stay here. Not in his house. Not in his room. Not after everything.

I would ask Poppy to drive me back to their place. I would stay a week, maybe less, and then I would go back to California. Burned-out buildings and ash still felt safer than sun and secrets and the boy who had made me feel like I was finally home.

Weeping Willow had shown me, again, that I would never be happy here. I would never be welcomed here. I was always going to be the girl who didn’t belong.

I took one last look around the room. The beanie he had left on the chair. The water glass on the nightstand. The faint scent of his cologne that still clung to the pillows.

Then I picked up my bag and walked out.

I was halfway down the hallway toward Poppy’s room when she came flying around the corner so fast she almost knocked me over.

“Woah—”

I caught her by the arms to keep us both from hitting the floor. Her phone was still pressed to her ear. Her eyes were wide and glassy and terrified.

“Ivy. Thank God. I was just about to come find you.” She spoke into the phone without looking away from me. “We’re on our way.” Then she hung up and grabbed my wrist.

The panic in her face made my stomach twist before she even said the words.

“Did something happen—”

“We need to get to the hospital. Now.”

I opened my mouth to ask why. But she didn’t let me. She didn’t give me the chance.

“Leo just suffered a cardiac arrest.”

My own heart stopped. It just… stopped.

The hallway tilted beneath my feet. The suitcase handle slipped from my fingers and hit the floor with a dull thud I barely heard.

Poppy was still talking, still pulling me toward the stairs, but the only thing I could hear was the sound of my own blood roaring in my ears.

No.

No.

Not Leo.

I had been ready to leave him. I had been ready to hate him. I had been ready to never see his face again.

I was not ready for a world where he might not have a face to see.

Poppy’s hand tightened around mine like she was afraid I would fall. I think I already had.

We ran.