Chapter 53 The Last Good Day
My heart is breaking.
It is cracking open, piece by piece, and very soon it is going to crumble into dust right here on this hospital floor.
That's what seeing Mum like this does to me every single time.
I don't know when or if I'll ever get another moment where she actually sees me again. Where she remembers she has a son, and she says my name like it still means something.
That is why, when Scarlett and I decided to come over today again, and the lucidity returned, I cherished it.
Mum is so weak now that she hasn't been able to leave the bed. Her hands shake even when they rest on the blanket.
I sit on the edge of the mattress, spooning rich, slow-simmered leek and potato soup into her mouth.
Whenever a little broth slips down her chin, I wipe it away with the soft cloth napkin, as gently as I can manage.
Scarlett is behind me, sitting in the armchair by the door (where Laura usually sits), giving us this moment together.
I haven't looked back at her, but I know she's watching.
Laura is at work, handling an emergency. That's the only reason she isn't here.
Mother's eyes keep studying my face.
"Lawrence," she whispers weakly. "My clever boy."
My throat is so dry, it almost hurts to speak. "Yeah, Mum," I croak. "It's me... I'm here."
She opens her mouth obediently again when I bring the spoon to her lips.
Even swallowing is hard for her.
Mum's eyes drift toward Scarlett, and for a second, I tense, thinking the fog's going to roll back in. But it doesn't.
"Who's the pretty redhead?" she asks, a faint smile pulling at her mouth. "You finally brought a girl home. Thank the Lord."
Heat burns the back of my neck. "Yeah, this one is special."
Mum smiles.
I glance over my shoulder and gesture for Scarlett to come forward. It still sucks that she doesn't remember that they already bonded the last time Scarlett was here. But that's not a problem today. At least Mum is herself today. They can always bond again.
"Mum, this is Scarlett," I say. "She's my girlfriend."
Scarlett steps closer. "Hello, Mrs Moore. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Mum's gaze lingers on her warmly. She lifts a frail hand and gestures to Scarlett to come even closer.
Scarlett obeys, inching forward until Mum can reach out and brush her fingertips lightly against her cheek.
"There's a certain glow in his eyes," Mum says weakly. "A glow that wasn't there before," she pauses for a moment to catch her breath. "And I know it's because of you."
Scarlett's eyes flick to mine. The smile she gives me is small and private.
"Thank you," She whispers to Scarlett.
"Oh, Mrs Moore, you don't have to thank me," Scarlett replies softly. "My life's also been brighter since I met him."
I have to look away briefly because the sight of both of them… my mother and the woman I've fallen so hard for is too beautiful and yet so tragic to bear all at once.
Mum doesn't have long. We're all expecting her to slip away any day now. The doctors have been clear that this disease has already stolen so much from her, and it's winning faster than any of us wants to admit.
I may never get to see her like this with Scarlett again, smiling like she used to when Laura and I were boys.
Quietly, I pull my phone from my pocket to capture the moment.
For me.
For the days after she's gone, when I'll need proof this moment was real.
I lift the phone, snapping a picture.
The shutter sound is barely audible, but Mum turns her head toward me with a playful smile. "Pictures, Lawrence?"
"Can you blame me?" I murmur, shrugging lightly. "This is a good day."
Scarlett glances at me with understanding.
Without saying a single word, she shifts closer to the bed on Mum's other side. I move in on mine until the three of us are framed together. Mum's smile is tired, but genuine as I switch to selfie mode.
We take more photos. Several of them. Mum nestled between us, leaning her head toward Scarlett's shoulder in one, squeezing both our hands in another.
In the last one, Scarlett presses a soft kiss to Mum's temple, and her eyes close in contentment.
I ensure to save and back up every single frame because they're priceless.
It's been a long time, but something warm comes to life in my chest even as grief lurks, ready to snuff it out.
†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††
Throughout the drive back to the penthouse, I don't speak.
I had to book a cab to take us back because I didn't have the strength to drive.
Mum had tired quickly after the photos. By the time Scarlett and I said our goodbyes, she was already calling me "young man" and asking where Laura had gone.
I stare out the window despondently. Scarlett sits beside me, her hand resting on my thigh to show she's here for me. And I appreciate that.
When we finally walk into the penthouse, I feel drained.
Shrugging off my jacket and T-shirt, leaving on my vest, I start to head to the bedroom when Scarlett calls me.
"Lawrence?"
Her voice is soft behind me.
I turn.
She stands near the kitchen island, holding a small, elegantly wrapped package.
Scarlett looks shy as she steps closer.
"I got you an early birthday present," she mutters, a small smile curving her lips. "Your birthday isn't until later this week, but… might as well give it to you now."
I walk towards her, surprised. "Baby, you didn't have to get me anything."
"I wanted to," she says simply, holding the box out to me. "Open it."
Smiling, I take it from her hands.
The paper comes away easily.
Inside the box is a beautiful silver and leather watch. My initials, L.M., are embossed in subtle gold on the inner side. It's elegant and expensive, way more than I ever expected.
And, it must have cost a fortune.
I'm the one who does the spending in this relationship, not her.
"Baby…" I say, looking up at her. "I love it. But this looks expensive. I…"
"Finally decided to put all the money you've been giving me to good use," she cuts in gently, a content smile playing on her lips. "Don't worry, my account is still very much intact. Thanks to you."
I run my thumb over the cool metal.
For a fleeting moment, I can't find the right words. Then I meet her eyes again.
"I love it," I whisper gratefully. "Thank you."
Setting the watch down carefully on the island, I reach for her. "Come here."
She steps into my arms, and I pull her close.
"I know today was hard," she says softly, against my shoulder. "And I know you're not the type to talk about it easily. But I want you to know I'll be here. I'll always be here for you. Okay?"
I pull back to look at her. Those warm brown eyes are gazing back at me full of love.
"Okay," I rasp.
Then I kiss her softly.
It is in this moment, with her mouth soft and open beneath mine, that I come to realise that I have fallen deeply in love with this woman.
It is both terrifying and complete.
She has seen the worst of me and the broken pieces I never show anyone else.
I love her. Immensely too.
I just wish I had the boldness to tell her.