The awakening

The awakening
JESSICA'S POV.

I woke up to the apartment eerily quieter than it usually appeared while I was with David, and the only thing that passed through the silence was the soft patterns of rain that hit against the windows and the ceiling.

I looked around the room, as my eyes scanned every old furniture that was there, and I locked touch at every soft single blanket that covered the couch, I could see dishes unwashed by the sink and that was everything I imagined in the penthouse.

How messy would David be? Or did he feel no guilt?

I questioned this. Where I was and far from home — It was a temporary outing, but it felt so cold and dismissing. It carried the kind of weight of silence that was guilt gnawing with what I just passed through with David. I had just woken up from a restless sleep, I could feel the bags under my eyes, I could feel them hide just under them, I sat upright on the bed and looked over just to the pillow that was already damp from silent tears that I shed the last night.

And so now I sat up to the edge of the bed, as I wrapped my hands around myself like a shield before clutching the bedsheet to my nose, sniffing on it and letting my tears drop on them as if it was the end of the world.

I stood, crawled down the bed, and moved around like a ghost that had been disconnected from the world around her and was just in a deserted land pacing the environs.

This wasn't my bed, it was not meant for Mr.

“This wasn't the life I chose, not anymore.“ Those were the words I said to myself as I left the penthouse.

I ran. I chose to run. And now, why do I feel like I have left myself behind? I stood just beside the window, my hands akimbo, as I stared out through the window, watching the city dark as the rain drop raced after each other as if they waited not for the each other.

I could hear my uneven breath, my thumping heart beat, loud and ringing into my ear, it scared me.

After a moment, I walked away to the kitchen. The air suddenly felt suffocating, as if the apartment had not been lived in. I took out a kettle, washed it, and filled it up with water. I placed it on the stove, and I stared just at it, blankly, as it heat.

“You are safe, I swear. I won't let anyone touch you.“ David's voice played in my head, it felt like he cared but it conveyed dreadfulness and threat. I shook it off, but it was impossible, as at that moment, all I felt and heard was David. It was his presence that flooded the empty house.

I looked around and it dawned on me, I was missing him. My hands trembled. The kettle whistled, but I stood, numb, unsure what to do. I couldn't move until the kettle finally screamed before I switched it off. I sighed, taking the kettle off the stove as I wrapped my hands around it as I poured myself the tea, but I stared at it, not drinking it. I lost my appetite in an instant.

I hissed, and picked up my phone. There, was several messages just from Victoria, and I had not noticed as I had been carried away by my relationship with David and the chaos that had always lurked. It has been hell of a shit.

And then, I looked on,there was one more message from an unknown number.

It read, “ Just tell me you are safe, and under it.“ it signified it's David.

I found myself smiling until I pinched myself as I thought, why does it feel concerned more than anything else? Why does this ache feel like longing instead of fear?

I felt trapped, even though I was trying to let fade off of everything I felt.

I texted back,

“I am safe. Don't contact me again.“

I read it again, it was brief and dismissive. I hesitated for a while to send as I wasn't sure whether this was what I wanted. My hands hovered around the 'send' button for a while.. until I canceled off the message.

For a second and more, my hands hovered over Victoria's contact. I hesitated, but I did, and once I called, she rushed over, and I knew just that once I heard a knock on the door.

I walked towards the door slowly but calculatedly. I jerked the door open, the sunlight penetrated into the room showing a blurry view of Victoria as the sunlight had rested on her forehead.

I stared at her, I had seen her for a long time, it was until now I realized, I had missed Victoria, but I had been scared that Victor would decide to harm her..

“ I was scared, Jessica, I never heard from you again. Why didn't she you return my calls? Talk to me, Jessica, please.“

I fixed my gaze to the floor as if it conveyed meaning in the silence, and then I spoke in a voice that stood barely above to a whisper.

“He did it, Victoria.“ I looked up to meet her eyes but all that laced on her eyes were confusion. I swallowed.

“David. He didn't deny it. Victoria. He killed Andre, and he mentions every word, every torture.“

I pressed my gaze on her once I heard her speak. Her voice remained the same, always laced with concern only that now, I saw disbelief and what's more? Shock.

“Oh my God, Jessica, that's murder.“ she stuttered, I replied in a soft voice that didn't fail to convey my broken self.

“I don't know what scares me more, that he did it or that I wanted him to. He destroyed a man for me. For what Andre did, isn't that justice? Isn't that love?“ I questioned as I tried to blink away my tears but she stared at me as if she had seen a ghost.

“That's an obsession, Jessica. A dangerous one and It's not love. That's possession, dressed up in disguise as protection. It's dangerous, and you need to stay away.“ she said, her voice sharp with intention — certain and convincing but I couldn't think far beyond it.

Silence followed causing the atmosphere awkward until I spoke, my voice breaking —

“I can't. I loved him.“

No matter how monstrous he seemed to appear to me, I needed to admit for once he did it to protect me.

But…

The image of Andre's body stacked dead to the floor appeared in my head. I shook in fear — con
flicted between love and fear.

But what more than peace? If not love.