Chapter 16: Just For Tonight

\[Leo’s POV\]

I stare at Rue, noting the look of determination on her beautiful face and the stubbornness in her blue eyes, and when I consider letting her do what she wants, a conflicting feeling rushes through me.

No. The small voice in the back of my head says. You can’t take that step because it could lead to something more.

How? I question it. She just wants to comfort me because we are sharing a similar hard time.

Right. Why was I being so on guard when this was nothing more than a sense of camaraderie?

But then… She confessed to me, and I wasn’t certain that the time we spent apart caused her crush to disappear, but then again, she was spending a lot of time with Mykel. Did that mean that they were possibly…

I don’t finish my thought as an odd emotion rushes through me, and as I will it to go away, I turn my gaze to the woman in front of me.

“You don’t have to act like I’m some sort of disgusting thing.” Rue murmurs, and I immediately regret my silence.

“It isn’t like that,” I tell her, but the hurt is already there on her face. “It’s just that…”

“I get it.” She says and turns to the door that leads into the house. “Sorry that I even suggested such a thing. I’ll leave you alone.”

“No!” I repeat, reaching out and grabbing her wrist before I even know what is happening. “It isn’t like that. It’s just that…”

Dammit. What the hell was I doing? Why was I losing my composure because of one person?

You know why. The small voice in the back of my head says. Even if you don’t want to admit it, you felt attraction towards her back on that island, and when she confessed to you, you were a bit happy. That was the reason that you didn’t immediately reject her.

No. That wasn’t the reason. It couldn’t be the reason, because if it was, that would mean that even if I loved Darlene, I didn’t love her enough to not feel something for someone else.

Old habits die hard. The small voice continues. Even in the past when you were supposed to be dating someone, you couldn’t stop your eyes and heart from wandering.

“It’s what?” Rue asks now, snapping me out of my inner struggle. “What were you going to say?”

“I’m a mess.”

The words leave my lips before I can stop them, but as they leave, I know that they’re true.

I’m a mess from the stress of having to care for Darlene and from this insane attraction that I feel toward her daughter.

Everything was fine when Rue wasn’t around. I could be the perfect husband when it was just Darlene and me, but the minute Rue appeared again, that attraction from back then returned, and even now when I shouldn’t even be thinking of anyone but Darlene, I’m struggling over this.

“It’s understandable,” Rue says, drawing me out of my reverie. “The woman you love is sick, and there’s nothing you can do. Of course you would be a mess.”

If only that was all that was wrong, then things would be so much easier.

“But know that you aren’t alone.” She continues, somehow twisting her hand and holding mine. “We’re going to get through this together.”

Together.

Why did that word sound so appealing, and why did it make me want to lean on Rue and have her share the burden I was feeling?

“Yeah,” I say slowly, not releasing the hand that holds mine. “We’re going to get through this, and when we do, we can look back and laugh.”

Oh God up above, just overlook this one slip of judgement that I am making, and forgive me for acting on my feelings instead of rationale.

As this prayer races through my mind, I reach out, and before I can stop myself, I’m pulling Rue against me.

She feels so warm and solid in my arms, and where our bodies touch comes alive, especially our chests, because I just can’t forget the way her breasts looked in that skimpy swimsuit.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider what they looked like beneath a few times while my sinful thoughts invaded my head, but in the end I knew that that was something I would never learn the answer to because things just couldn’t go farther than this.

At least, that was what I kept telling myself as Rue’s arms wrapped around me and she nuzzled her head into my neck.

“It’s going to be okay.” She repeats, but I’m not sure what she is referring to because I’m certain that the same thoughts as my own are going through her head. At least, I hope that they are because I don’t want to be alone in my wickedness.

“We will get through this together.”

Nodding, I pull away and stare down into Rue’s blue orbs while wondering how she can look so seductive and innocent at the same time.

Was this why I couldn’t seem to stop my eyes from following her? Or my mind from wandering about her? Or was there another reason I was experiencing these damned feelings?

“We should go in.” She says after a long moment of silence. “In case Mom wakes up and needs help.”

“Oh, right,” I hiss, realizing too late that just for a moment I forgot about Darlene completely because of holding another woman. “You’re right.”

Nodding, Rue pulls free of our embrace first, and when I suddenly feel empty, I consider hugging her again, but I know that that can’t happen, so instead of acting on the things that I’m feeling, I turn and motion for her to follow me in.

Once inside, I head upstairs and check on Darlene, who is still sleeping, while my guilt starts to press against me.

Dammit. What the hell was even happening to me?

Why was I being so impulsive suddenly when I did such a good job of holding back on the island?

Was it the stress of having a sick spouse, or was it the loneliness I was feeling as Darlene slowly disappeared and was replaced by a shell of who she used to be?

I didn’t know, but I truly feared that as time passed and Rue stuck around, I would end up crossing that line of no return, and if I did, how would I possibly face Darlene again?

"Leo?"

Darlene's voice drifts through my thoughts, and when I focus on her and the present, she lifts a hand to her mouth and then heaves, spewing blood all over the bed.

"Shit!" I gasp, rushing forward and grabbing her. "Darlene!"