My head throbbed on one side so intensely that it felt like it would split from the other half. A wet, cool cloth was placed on my forehead. Xen's arms tightened around me, and I pressed my head against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat under my ear. Instead of focusing on my own panicked heartbeats, I concentrated on his rhythmic pulse. The cool cloth brushed against my temple and then my neck, bringing me relief.
"Breath, Rose. Breath," he murmured soothingly above my head, his hand rubbing my back. I found myself calming down in his embrace, wrapping my arms around his torso. He was warm against the chilly morning air. Snuggling closer, I allowed his scent to envelop me, and my nerves gradually came under control.
As I began to calm down, I took a moment to gather my thoughts. It dawned on me that I was only wearing my shift and how close we were pressed together. Memories of last night flooded back—his sudden departure after our kiss. I lifted my head from his chest and met his eyes.
"How are you feeling now? What was the nightmare about? Did you remember something?" he asked in his soothing, concerned voice. I almost melted at his words, but I couldn't forget what transpired between us last night. The way he kissed me and then suddenly ran away I touched the side of my neck, still feeling a tinge of annoyance that he was here once again when I needed him. I pushed him away slightly, surprising him with my actions. I turned away, adjusting my shift.
"Did you remember something?" he asked again, and I remained silent.
Slipping off the bed without looking at him, I headed towards the cleansing chambers and pulled the dangling strings at the entrance to call for help in drawing a bath. I heard his steps getting closer, and I paused, aware of each step he took.
"Are you cross with me?" he asked, staying on the other side of the screen. I sighed in frustration.
"You are," he said, answering his own question. "Rose, I..."
His words were interrupted by a knock on the door. He opened it and told them to wait for a moment, but I approached the screen.
"No, come in," I said. I could feel Xen's gaze on the screen, on me, and suddenly my mouth went dry. I looked away, even though he couldn't actually see me. Two maids entered, quick in their practised hands, pouring water into the tub and mixing scented oil. They waited for further instructions, but I dismissed them.
Silently, I washed myself, and there were no words from Xen. Had he left? I glanced at the screen, but I couldn't see anything or hear any indication that he was in the room. My heart squeezed with unease. I hurriedly dried myself and put on my robes. Rushing into the other room, I found that he was gone and the door was shut. Unbelievable! I heard the sound of a horse's neigh and some chatter from the window. I peeked outside.
Xen was standing near the stables when someone dismounted a horse, and Joffery and Lief ran to Xen's side. The newcomer, dressed in all black with a mask, seemed to look at the sun and then at Xen. He handed him something that looked like a letter, and at the same time, Lief handed him something too. I could see Xen's body tense as he unrolled the piece of parchment from Lief. Xen turned and entered the guesthouse.
After a few moments, the door opened, and he met my eyes.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Just a letter," he said, giving me a tense smile.
I sighed as he moved to open the letter, placing it on the desk just to the left of the door. I reached for it myself.
"Rose," he tried to tell me, but I moved away, out of his reach.
"You don't have to worry about this," he sighed, looking back at the half-open letter. He stood up as I read the list of names on the parchment. Fifteen children were missing, with only four adults surviving—two dead. He extended his hand for me to give it back. I did, meeting his solemn eyes. How could I be angry at him? But he also didn't reveal the depth of his worry. How would I find my place? How could I help him if he refused to tell me about the things he was hiding from me?
"I thought you brought me to the council meeting because you wanted to share things with me," I said.
"I do," he said, looking down at the parchment and then at me.
"Then why?" I asked.
"You need rest."
"No, those are just excuses." I couldn't continue this push and pull with him. It was frustrating.
"Rose, look at yourself. You're exhausted, and every memory that resurfaces takes a toll on you. I wish you had told me..."
"So what? So you could stay in Lunar Valley and have dinners with me and engage in playful encounters with me, but you don't feel obliged to tell me everything?" I interrupted.
"I've told you what I could," he insisted.
"What you could," I agreed, realising how he knew how to play with words. I started to notice that he shared only what he deemed appropriate. He didn't even tell me about my father until I realised the kind of relationship we could have. But now, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. I wished he would tell me more about himself, how we met, and about us beyond the fact that we were married two moons ago. I came to Lunar Valley for him, and initially, it was an alliance. What else was there? What was the basis of our marriage?
I looked straight at him, meeting his concerned eyes filled with conflict and something else that shone brightly beneath all the thoughts, denials, and excuses. I couldn't pinpoint it exactly.
"I know you plan on making me stay here while you go out alone to help everyone, just like before. I accepted it before because I was injured, but now I am healed, and I remember how to fight," I said firmly.
"Your memories are coming back, and if you stay here and..."
"No," I stated firmly. "It was different back in Lunar Valley. There, at least, I had some idea of where you were and who you were dealing with. But here, out alone, I can't stand here not knowing, sitting and waiting for you to come back while you fight—heaven knows what—all alone out there." My fears began to manifest themselves involuntarily. I swallowed hard as he gave me a smouldering look, filled with conflict and something else that shone brightly beneath it all. I couldn't quite pinpoint it.
"I will come with you as we investigate," I said firmly.
"Rosette," he said, shaking his head. He let out an exaggerated sigh—a rare moment when his composure slipped, and it was happening right now.
"What am I going to do with you?" He chuckled before I could comprehend what was happening. He pulled me into his arms, pressing me against his chest. He buried his face in my still-slightly damp hair.
"I'm still cross with you," I tried to tell him, affirming that things weren't well between us. But my body still melted against his warm one.
"I know," he breathed, almost in relief.
"Xen," I said, warning him, but I couldn't do anything to pull away because it felt so good to be back in his arms without the thought of the darkness engulfing me.
"You have to talk to me if you're coming with me," He said.
I shook my head. "I can just observe. Investigation doesn't necessarily require talking to you," I tried to assert, asserting that I was still angry with him. He had to explain what happened to him last night.
"Is there no way I can talk you out of this?" He pulled away slightly, his hand caressing my cheekbone gently.
The expression on his face melted me inside and squeezed my heart, telling me that I should let him be. He was dealing with a lot anyway. But I wanted to find out what I meant to him. Truly, he cared for me and treated me better than anyone I had ever known, even though I knew very little about myself through there is something or that is like a wall between us beside my own internal struggle. But if the darkness was any indication, my life before wasn't a bed of roses. And what I saw last night made me shudder. The Black Oak Woods—I had been there when I was little. Did Xen know something about my childhood? Had I ever told him?
"No," I replied.
"So be it."