Chapter 38: What Is Love?

Astrid's POV:

I went back home and hugged my mom tight, who was sitting on the sofa in our hall. She was shocked.

"Is everything okay, Astrid?" she asked.

"Yes mom.. I.. uh.. I just wanted to hug you"

"Oh sweet Astrid. Its fine." she said, and I broke the hug and went up to my room. I was so happy about everything.

Everything seemed to become perfect once again. My loving mom, my.. uh.. My.. What should I call him?? My.. My love.. My.. Do I really love him?? I can't sort out my emotions just yet. But it's really different.. Different from anything that I've ever felt till now.. Even when I thought I liked that.. that devil.. This is just so different from it. His embrace was so safe and pure. His eyes were deep enough that you can drown in them and still smile. Oh, his smile is to die for. Not even knowing how much he loved me all along, I blamed him for everything from the start. That was stupid, foolish, and everything you can say to curse my act. But.. Cursing it just wouldn't change anything. Change the way I feel for him.. Knowing that he loves me, is really the best feeling I ever got. I love it.

Sorting out my feelings, is the most important thing I have to do now. What I feel for him, it’s definitely more than a friend, but should I name it love? Love? What is exactly love?

I decided to ask about it to Noah.

I called him.

"Noah.. Actually, it's been just in my mind.. What's exactly love?" I asked him.

For a moment, he became silent. I wasn't sure what happened, but I decided to keep it low.

"Love is inexpressible, Astrid. For me.. It's you. Everything about you is love. Love is when you think that.. That without the other person, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be alive. You don't depend on each other.. You live for each other. When I see you smile, that makes me feel, it’s a good day. When I see you cry, looks like world would shatter any moment, my world breaks down. I don't know why, but it's something.. something that makes me feel like you're the only one here when I'm with you. Only you and me, and the whole world dissolves. It's a feeling of inevitability, Astrid" he said and my heart.. It felt better.

"Noah" I said.

"Yes, Astrid?"

"I'm confused.. I'm confused about my feelings, Noah" I said.

"I know Astrid, and that's the reason, I asked you not to think about it. Give yourself some time. Don't force your heart into something—" he was cut off when I spoke.

"I'm not forcing. I can't stop thinking.. about you"

"Huh?"

"I can't stop thinking about you Noah. I just don't know what and how to explain this wonderful feeling of my heart. I don't know what is it, or why it comes when I talk with you. I don't know why I feel like I need something desperately but can't figure out what it is. I don't know what to do, my heart... it's… it's— " I couldn't speak when emotions take over my voice.

"Astrid! Calm down.. I got it. Just calm down. Don't let your emotions drown you. I know what you've been going through. Do you want me near you right now? Are you feeling lonely? Any other emotions? Sadness? Just give me a hint and I'll come there"

"Okay Noah.. I'll calm down. I can't deny the fact that I need you here, but it's just.. what will you tell mom? She's.. I think.. already suspicious of us.. Of you coming here almost every day"

"Just tell me that you want me there"

"Yes, I do. But every time what matters is not what you want, but what you can get"

"Okay Astrid. I'm not used to these wise words!"

"Yeah, I guess so. But you should be, you know"

"Yea, Astrid. Call me if you need anything, bye" he said.

"Bye" I said and cut the call.

Trying to distract my mind from that feeling in my heart, I took out my notebook, only to find the work I did in his presence. Slowly that feeling took over my mind, and it was getting very difficult to get away from it. I was feeling dizzy. My head was hurting. I sat on my bed with a thump and my mind was just spinning around.

Suddenly the door flew open, and Noah was standing right there.

"N-Noah?" I said. He came to me checked my forehead.

"You're having fever, Astrid, lay down" he said slowly, worry evidence on his face.

I didn't say anything, my head paining too much to react.

He brought some towel and cold water that was kept in my room itself and treated my forehead with it, rubbing my hands in between.

It's been two hours, and he's here, washing the cloth every two minutes. I tried to tell him to go, but he didn't move, instead I was just told to keep quiet, but softly.

I was feeling almost fine now, so I tried to sit up.

"Hey, please don't sit, it's fine—"

"Noah. It's fine. I'm fine now" I said.

"Okay then. Sit up" he said giving me hand to help me sit. Then he got a little away, leaving me confused.

"Noah, why—"

"Are you okay?" he asked changing the topic.

"I'm fine. Why are you here, what will mom say?"

"That will be taken care of later, Astrid. I just came because you told me you needed me here, why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?"

"I was feeling okay till then, but then suddenly, my mind couldn't take and understand everything"

"I know! That's what I'm talking about, Astrid. Calm down. Take it slow"

"Okay Noah. You're right"

"I'm leaving now.. I guess, you'll inform me next time you're unwell"

"It's not like that Noah, I really was fine when we talked"

"I trust you. You would've been really fine, I know. I'm just saying that you should inform me that second, Astrid. Or at least your mom. Don't ever bear your pains alone"

"Thank you Noah. I'll keep that in mind"

"And trust me Astrid, I'm here for you 24/7, just give me a message" he said.

"I know Noah. Just take care of yourself too"

"Yeah. I will. Thank you Astrid. Now I'm leaving. I'm just a message away, remember that"

"Yea!! I got it, Noah" I said, and he smiled. He left the room, and probably my house then.