Chapter 47: Chapter forty seven

Arielle

There are two ways this could end: either she listens to my apologies and forgives me, or she yells at me and break my head open. Based on our interactions in the past, there was a higher chance of the latter.

I strode into the school garden, keeping my steps light so I don't alert her of my presence before I could mentally prepare. But then again, what did I have to prepare for? I was already here.

I released a breath as I caught a glimpse of her sitting with her back to me. I mentally went through my apology speech, but no matter what I came up with, it didn't seem to truly convey my regrets.

Damn, I should have rehearsed this. I had been wallowing in self loathing that I hadn't thought of what to say when I finally see her.

“Are you stalking me now?” Suzie asked and I flinched at the sound of her voice so close to me.

She was standing just few feet away from me. I hadn't realized when she stood up from where she was sitting.

“Uhm.. no.. I just came out for…fresh air.” I pressed my lips together, realizing what a stupid excuse that was.

Suzie folded her arms, her eyebrows arched, letting me know she was thinking the same thing.

“Alright, fine.” I sighed. “I came here to apologize.”

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise and my insides churned. Just what kind of a monster does she think I am that she was shocked by my apology.

“What exactly are you apologizing for?” She asked after a long best of silence.

I opened my mouth to answer her when I realized I didn't know the answer to the question. I regretted what I did to her. I regretted not even remembering it. I regretted everything.

I dragged my gaze away from her and my eyes fell on her backpack on the ground and the packed lunch beside it. Another wave of regret washed over me. I had humiliated her so much that she couldn't even eat in the cafeteria.

“Is this where you eat lunch now?” I asked. It took a lot of restraint for my voice not to break.

“There's not much you can do when you're marked as the school's outcast.” She shrugged, but I could hear the pain laced in her voice.

My stomach tightened with guilt. I had been responsible for that pain in her voice. She had every right to hate me.

“You know, I followed you here to apologize for that day. I just thought I could express how sorry I was and that you'd forgive me. But when I got here and saw the extent of the damage I've done, I realized just saying ‘sorry’ isn't going to cut it. It's not going to bring back everything my careless comment took from you.”

I blinked back the tears that gathered at the corner of my eyes. I didn't want to start crying and make this about me again. I'd already hurt her enough.

“I want you to know I truly regret what I did and I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner. I'm sorry for not realizing that a stupid comment from me ruin someone's life. I'm sorry for…everything. I'm not asking you to forgive me. I wouldn't forgive me either. But I'm not the monster you think I am.”

My breath caught at the last sentence because even I didn't believe it. I am a monster.

I've done nothing but hurt everyone around me for years. Even those that stood by me when I needed them. I've spent my entire life seeking approval from those who neglected me while neglecting those who were there for me. My mum, Daniel, even Drayton. I'd treated them horribly.

I am a monster.

I turned to walk away from her, the realization of who I was made the tears sting more, but Suzie's voice stopped me.

“The reason I left my old school was because everyone found out I was an orphan.”

I turned to face her and saw her face ghosted with memories.

“My foster sister made sure everyone at school knew that because she knew how much it hurts me. She hated me for everything.” She ground her teeth together in anger.

“I couldn't deal with everyone treating me with pity and fake smiles because of my condition. I was suddenly treated differently by everyone. They all wanted to be the ‘school orphan’s savior’.” She scoffed at the last word and I understood what it must have been like for her. Wasn't I in the same position at school?

“My foster sister convinced our parents that I told everyone at school because I wanted to make them look bad. They were pretty important people in the community and cared a great deal about their reputation. I don't know the full story but I knew they adopted me so they could look good in the eyes of a particular investor. He was moved by their kindness and gave them that deal. Once they got what they wanted, they just left me on my own. I was only their daughter to the public, they wanted nothing to do with me aside that since they already have their perfect daughter.” She snorted a laugh, but I didn't miss the the single tear that fell from her eyes.

She quickly batted it away but I had already seen it. I didn't say anything about it though, I let her continue her story.

“After the lie my foster sister made up, they kicked me out. I found a place to stay until the school year ended. I took the scholarship exam to this school during summer and was really excited I got in. It was supposed to be my fresh start. Well, until I became the school's outcast on the very first day.”

The guilt that had faded away while she was telling her story slowly started to resurface. She had gone through so much and needed the fresh start, but I had ruined it for her.

“I'm sorr-”

“I didn't tell you this so you could apologize again.” Suzie cut in. “I told you because I understand what it was like to be the pity case because I've been there. I understand what that day must have been like for you, and I let my excitement about being in the same school with the Arielle McAlister get over me. I should have been more considerate of your feelings.” She said with a smile.

“So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?” I asked.

“I've never hated you. I guess I was just mad that you didn't remember me when we met at Chuck's. But I had no right to be mad. I'm acknowledging my part in this. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry.”

I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders and I flashed her a wide smile.

“Maybe we can start over. Be friends this time?” I found myself holding my breath while waiting for her response.

Just because she forgave me doesn't mean she would want to be friends with me. I really hope that wasn't the case.

But Suzie's smile grew wider and she said,

“I'd love that.”