Chapter 45: Chapter forty five

Arielle

“That's your big idea?” Suzie said, her eyes narrowed on the flyer Drayton and I spent all night putting together.

I pinned her with a glare. God knows I was holding my anger on a very tight leash. One more rude comment from her and the leash would snap.

“Hey! it's a very solid plan.” Drayton said before I lost my temper and give his coworker an earful.

“True.” Brett nodded in agreement.

Drayton and I had skipped last period so we could get here before Brett's shift was over. Fortunately, Suzie had gotten the same idea, but clearly not for the same reason as us.

After everyone was gathered, Drayton repeated everything he told me last night about Chuck's debts and the repayment. As expected, the two baristas had immediately asked how they could help. Brett had even suggested we host a strip poker at the coffee shop to raise money.

But Drayton and I had that part covered. Luckily, because no, I was NOT attending a strip poker in broad daylight, thank you very much.

Everyone agreed with the fundraising idea I'd came up with last night. Well, everyone except Suzie. At this point, it was clear she was only doing that out of spite.

“Hosting bookclub meetings? Who would even attend that?” Suzie said.

“Everyone knows coffee and smut books are the best combination ever.” I retorted.

I was really trying to be nice but she was getting on my nerve. How could she wave off my brilliant idea like that?

No one has ever done that and not regret it. She was lucky I was now a changed person. If she was talking to ‘before cancer Arielle’, I would have made her wish she never met me.

I swallowed back my rising anger and pushed back all the venomous words at the tip of my tongue.

“The perfect way for readers to relax is a cozy place, a good book, and coffee. I've taken the task to stalk all the neighboring cafes around here. None of them are offering something like this. It will make this place stand out more.” I explained.

A look of understanding past through all their faces. Drayton's lips hooked up a little like he was fighting a smile. I didn't know why that small reaction made my stomach flutter.

“When did you even have time to do all these? You're clearly just coming back from school.” Brett said.

“Yeah, and we're just supposed to believe that you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart? You barely knew Chuck.” Suzie retorted.

“Suzie!” Drayton and Brett called sternly but she ignored them and glared at me. I glared right back.

“It doesn't matter how long I've known him. What matters is that he needs help. I would help him even if he was a complete stranger.” I sneered.

I swear, the girl was one second away from unleashing the horrible McAlister side of me.

“Oh, just like you go around telling strangers to drop dead, right?” She snapped.

Okay, gloves off. This bitch asked for it.

“I don't do that. Unlike you, I actually have respect for people I just met. I don't go bitching around because my life is hard and just expect people around me to understand. Well, guess what? Life isn't fair to anyone. It doesn't give you an excuse to be mean. We're trying to help someone here. So you can either suck up whatever your problem is or get the fuck out ‘cause no one fucking cares.”

The silence was so deafening that you could here a pin drop silence. It was like everyone was holding their breath. Me? I was breathing angrily after ranting so much.

Suzie stared at me blankly, then she smirked.

“Maybe you should listen to yourself more. Having a hard time doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole.” She spun around and headed for the entrance.

That bitch!

Suzie stopped just as she was about to walk out and said, “it’s funny how you basically ruin someone's life but don't even remember it. Now they you're the receiving end of harsh words, you lash out and your words hurt people again.”

“Don't play the fucking victim's card. You asked for it.” I snapped.

“Did I ask for it the day you told me to drop dead in front the whole school?!” She yelled, her body vibrating with barely restrained rage.

“Oh, shut up! I've never met you before in my life. When did I say that?”

But as soon as those words left my mouth, different memories fluttered into my mind but a certain one stood out. The first day of senior year. I could see Suzie's face clearly here. The excitement and the giddiness of someone who just started school. I had mistook her for a freshman then.

“Is that ‘the Arielle’? She's so popular and really pretty. I wish I could be like her.”

“Trust me, freshman,” I said, turning my attention to the girl “you don't want to be like me. You wouldn't survive what I went through. Pretty sure you'd be six feet under by now. There's still a fat chance though. If you don't stop running your mouth, pea brain.”

And just like that, the fiery rage burning inside me was doused with a bucket of cold water, figuratively.

Everything started to make sense now. Why she hated me from the very first day she saw me. I had humiliated her in front of the entire school. And she hadn't even said anything wrong. She had been the only one who addressed me the way I was used to, but I'd lashed out on her.

The image of her teary eyes as she ran away that day flashed across my mind, and my guilt deepened.

I didn't know what to do. The logical part of my brain wanted to apologize but I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

I could feel the familiar darkness starting to engulf me again. I tried to keep my breath steady, but as the self loathing thoughts ñstart to consume me, I slowly began to lose my focus.

“That's enough.” I heard Drayton say, but his voice sounded so far.

I latched onto the sound, anchoring myself to the present. I wasn't going to let the darkness consume me. Not when I should be focused on trying to repair the damage I had done.

“I'm s…” the rest of the words stuck in my throat. I couldn't say it no matter how much I tried.

Shame washed over me and I hung my head low, my hands clasped in front of me. I could hear the three of them talking but I couldn't make out their words. The darkness was so close now. There was nothing I could do to push it away.

I heard footsteps shuffling before someone's arms wrapped around me, engulfing me with their warmth.

I didn't need to raise my head to know who it was. The darkness retreated so fast that it was almost like it never came. I don't know how he always manage to do that.

I shut my eyes tightly and pushed back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. By some sort of miracle, I hadn't shed a single tear since my ‘almost’ panic attack happened.

But still, Drayton held me tightly to himself and stroked my hair in a calming rhythm. It felt so good that I couldn't help but lean closer to him. Until it hit me again.

I wasn't supposed to feel good. I was a monster who go around hurting people without thinking twice about it. I've hurt my mother by depriving her of her happiness. I've hurt my best friend by lying to him and God knows how many other things. I hurt Suzie but didn't even remember it. And most of all, I've hurt Drayton. More times than I can count.

Yet he was comforting me.

I didn't deserve it at all. I didn't deserve the kindness I always receive when the only thing I give back is pain.

“I hate myself so much. I'm a monster that hurt people without thinking. She was right to hate me.”

“She doesn't hate you. She was just very emotional.” I wanted to pull away from him and yell at him to stop lying to me. But I was too weak and was already starting to lose consciousness.

“You should hate me too.” I managed to say.

If I wasn't hugging him so tightly, I would have missed his next words as my body started to go limp.

“I could never hate you.” Drayton muttered more to himself than me. “You mean so much to me, Arielle.”