Chapter 22: Fifteen

8:08 PM The speakers wired throughout Jackson's house pump soft, soulful lyrics into the air. He'd been laying there, listening to music…waiting… for me. Even when he's sick, he still looks so beautiful. He's in grey sweatpants and a tight fitting white sleeveless top, the ink from that tattoo swirling across the skin of his arm. His hair is messy with sweat but perfect, his eyes have the slightest redness to them. They look as if they've seen a million things in his lifetime, all of them producing a vast sense of wonder. When they settle on mine, if I didn't know better, I'd swear he could see through to my soul. The brow decorated in steel turns downward at the same time his voice, drops low. "What did you say?" "I said I think I'm falling in love with you," I repeat. "Madly." The words have the same effect on me as the slightest brushing of his fingertips against my skin, the feel of his lips on mine-butterflies ignite-aflame in my belly. "I love you, Jax." I giggle. A combination of nerves and some kind of sweet relief to just say it. To allow myself to mean it. He doesn't take his eyes off of mine, but I can see the smile stretch across his mouth. "Are you sure about that, Angel? You can't even keep a straight face when you say it." I place my palm on the side of his face. "I've never been more sure about anything." Jackson moves his body, flipping himself up and over and suddenly, I'm underneath him; both of us tented by the blanket. I look up at him. The way his body flexes, the way his muscles shift with each movement. Those incredible eyes, that mouth, all of it-gifted to me. I bring the tip of my finger to the top curve of his shoulder, tracing my nail down along the intricate curves of the cogs, gears and clocks. Jackson's eyelashes sweep closed and he inhales, making no attempt to hide what my touch does to him. They fan back open and he looks at my face. "You're my everything. I'd wait a lifetime to hear you say that. I love you, Lola. I loved you the moment I saw you and every moment since then. I'll love you until the world is all out of moments to offer, even after that." Holy shit. I may as well surrender my panties. "Jackson?" "Yeah?" Before I can second guess myself, I say it. "I want to be with you. I want to give myself to you. Completely." Every logical fuse in my brain skips, allowing my heart to do the talking. I don't care if I've only met him. I need him. Same way I need food, water, air. This is right where I'm supposed to be. "I am so in love with you." I want to shout it, scream it, allowing myself to get used to how the words roll off of my tongue. "I'm yours," he says, "forever." I slip my hands underneath the cotton fabric of his shirt, allowing my fingers to trace the planes of his abdomen. I lift my head off of the couch enough to place my mouth on his. He kisses me back and whether he does it knowingly or not, his body closes the small amount of space between us. I run my hands up his stomach and over his chest before I switch direction and move them back down toward the waistband of his pants. Jackson groans without breaking the kiss. His mouth vibrates against mine and somehow, even that is a turn on. His mouth covers mine, fierce and demanding and then suddenly, it's gone. "We should stop, Lola. I need you to be sure." I shake my head in protest. "No. I don't want to stop. I've never been more sure of anything. Please." His eyes widen slightly as he rests his weight on one arm, bringing his other up to rake through his hair. "Lola." "I'm sure," I say quickly. I trace the clocks again. "I waited so long for you, Jackson. Don't make me wait any longer." He doesn't reply with words but rights himself so he's not hovering over my body. His arm slips around my waist and he pulls me upright, easing me to straddle him. As soon as my legs are on either side of his thighs, I can feel the hardness between his legs. Knowing I'm the cause of it gives me a strange sense of pleasure. I push against him but his hands are quick to find the back of my legs and in one swift and fluid movement, he rises to his feet with me pressed to his front. He walks us down the hallway, stopping at his bedroom door. I knit my fingers in his hair, my belly tightening in anticipation. As he walks us through the door, another soft song begins to stream from the speakers in the ceiling. He walks to the bed and lays me down. "Don't move, pretty girl. I need a minute." He leaves the room and I'm left to wonder what the hell I'm doing. I'm not this person. Or am I? Am I this person underneath it all? Maybe I am. Maybe I needed to be brought to life. Jackson makes me feel alive. I wait patiently, brining my fingers to my mouth and chewing on the nails, a nervous habit I've never quite been able to shake. When Jax finally returns, his hands are filled with an assortment of candles and there is a lighter between his teeth. He sets the candles down and lights them, placing them throughout the room, casting the entire space in a soft, gentle glow. The combination of the music, the candles, the man standing in front of me tells me this is going to be perfect. He reaches for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. Oh. My. God. I want to tell him to freeze, to stand there in front of me so I can admire the flawlessness of his skin, the way his muscles always seem to be pulled taught, the way he now looks in the dim light of the room. He climbs on the bed and begins to slowly stalk toward me. I suck in a breath, scared, thrilled, nervous and excited. The tips of his fingers travel up my thigh, a trail of goose-bumps forming in their wake. He reaches the bottom of my dress and given the easy access it allows, his glides his fingers across the top of my underwear. His touch is as soft as a feather but it ignites every single part of me. My hips arch up from the bed, reacting with some instinctive need to remind me about what happened the last time he'd touched me there. He grins. "Little jumpy?" "I feel like my nerve endings are about to short circuit." "Perfect." He grabs onto my hips on either side and gives a hard pull so I'm laying directly underneath him. Both hands move to the inside of my thighs, running up and down the skin that is piqued with sensitivity. "I want you to feel every single thing I'm about to do to you." I close my eyes and try to remember just to breathe. As he continues his exploration of my body, inch by inch I lift off the bed and try to push myself against his palm but he moves his hand away. "You're not being fair," I complain. Jax smiles. "I assure you I'm going to be more than fair. What's the rush, Angel? We're going slow. Now sit up." I don't know if my body can handle going so slow, but I do as he directs. Jackson pulls my dress up and over my head. I hadn't put a bra on and he seems both surprised and appreciative when he finds me in just my underwear. He leans back, his body resting on the heels of his feet and looks at me. I squirm slightly but don't let his gaze scare me. "You really are something," he says. "You take my fucking breath away." "Good," I say grabbing his waist and pulling him closer. "Now take mine." I don't need to ask him twice, Jackson leans forward, his lips pressed to my shoulder, my collarbone. They trace a small trail straight down my middle and past my belly button before the tip of his finger loops through the elastic of my waistband and then his mouth is on me. My body begins to vibrate underneath him and I moan. His other finger loops through the opposite side and suddenly I'm naked. Fully exposed. Jackson raises his eyes to mine, his finger making a slow and lazy circle between my legs. "I knew you'd fall in love with me." I gasp. Dying to feel the rest of it. I want him to stop talking and do other things with his mouth. "I didn't believe you," I say. "No?" "No. Not at first." "But now?" "I believe you. Every word." The fact that I can even speak right now is astounding. Jackson's breath is so close to me, each exhalation tickles my skin. "Good." After that, he doesn't speak, instead bringing his mouth back to cover me. I'm scared at first at how intense, how personal it all feels but I spread my legs for him and allow his tongue to glide across me. Back and forth, up, down, side to side all in a precise movement designed for one simple thing. My heart speeds, my breaths coming fast and hard. My fingers weave through his hair, gripping it tightly as I writhe and squirm underneath him. The tension in my body builds and builds, stretching like a wire pulled taught and about to snap. He ups the game, adding speed, pressing harder with his tongue and I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker about to explode. I can't take it anymore. My hands pull his hair harder and as I come for him, I scream out his name. He lets me finish, leaving the centre of my body throbbing--wishing for more. He uses his arms move to pull himself up and toward me. He bypasses me all together to grab something from the nightstand. The telltale foil package. Jackson opens it with his teeth and I watch as his hair falls over his eyes. His arms move down but I can't take my eyes off of his face. His eyes narrow. "You're sure about this?" I'd be less than honest if I were saying I'm not scared but Jackson seems to know what he's doing and I know he would do nothing to hurt me. I bite down on my lip and nod. I feel him, hard between my legs before he's inside me. I gasp at how it feels, biting down on his shoulder and Jackson freezes. "You okay, Angel?" "Yes," I say. "Never been better." His hips move incredibly soft and slow at first and it's the strangest combination of pleasure mixed with the slightest pain. Jackson's hand grabs the side of my face and he keeps moving his body. The more he moves in and out, the more I begin to enjoy the feel of him inside me. "You okay?" he asks again. "Yes," I say. As his hips circle, the same tension builds again and I'm not sure how much a human being can take. He manages to bring me to the edge and back again before I come undone a second time and it's over. He collapses, rolling off of me before turning his body to me, tucking hair that's now stuck to my face, behind my ear. "Angel?" I feel like I'm glowing. "Jackson?" "You're my forever," he says. "You're my longer than that." As I fall asleep in Jackson's arms, I am sure of three things. One. He sees me. I'm not invisible. Two. I will never take a second for granted. Three. My life is never going to be the same again.