Chapter 62 My Fault
Iva’s P.O.V.
It’s been a month since Boston. The thrill of that trip, the club, the toys, the nights with Will… was so amazing. We went on another vacation this month, but those two days will forever stay in my mind because it was my first trip with Will.
Now it’s evening and I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch at Will’s apartment, his results open on my phone, and I’m staring at it, upset.
“Will, I think you should start concentrating on your studies. You’ve failed one exam. Look at your scores,” I say, shifting my eyes towards him.
Across from me, he leans against the counter, running a hand through his hair. He looks like a boy caught doing something wrong but still tries to stay calm.
“Professor, don’t worry,” he says softly, walking over to me. “I’ll clear the exam.” His hands slide gently over my arms, trying to reassure me.
“Of course you will. But we need to start meeting less. It’s affecting your studies.” I stand up, saying the truth.
The second the words leave my lips, his eyes widen. “What?”
It hurts that because of me, he failed the exam. I have to do something. I can’t let his studies be affected like this anymore.
“We’ll only meet on weekends now. That’s final.” I declare in a firm tone, although my heart sinks with the thought of not meeting him for five days.
He looks at me, shocked. “God, no.” He grabs my wrists like I might vanish. “You can’t just do that. I can’t survive a single day without you, Professor.”
Even I can’t. But I’ve to do this for you, Will.
His words weaken me, but I keep my voice stern. “You failed because of me, Will. I’m feeling guilty—”
“It’s not because of you,” he cuts my words quickly, shaking his head. “It’s my fault I failed. You don’t worry, and if I don’t meet you, I won’t be able to focus on my studies. It’s such a bad plan.”
“Will…” My voice softens, but my resolve doesn’t. “If we meet, you won’t study and will only be busy with me. Try to understand, I can’t let your studies be affected because of me. I can’t bear our relationship affecting your future—”
“Our relationship isn’t affecting anything,” he snaps and his jaw tightens.
“No, Will, it is. I’m requesting you to please concentrate on your studies for a while.” I beg him through my eyes to listen to me.
He exhales sharply, turning his face away. “Okay, if that’s what you want. I don’t want to argue with you.” He stands, his back facing me now, his shoulders stiff.
My heart twists. I know I’m hurting both of us by doing this, but I’m doing this for his betterment.
I wrap my arms around him from behind, pressing my cheek to his back. “I know it’ll be difficult for us, but your studies are more important now. We’ll talk on the phone.”
As he turns around abruptly, his dark eyes lock onto mine. His hand fists in my hair as his mouth crashes against mine, silencing me. Today, he doesn’t take off my glasses like he always does before kissing me.
He devours me hungrily, clutching my hair and biting my lips, like he’s punishing me through it. Today, the kiss isn’t filled with love or desire, it’s filled with anger. I just clutch his shirt, giving in completely.
When he pulls back, his warm breath brushes against my lips. “You’re going to regret making this stupid plan,” he warns against my lips, clutching my arms. “You’ll have to pay every weekend for keeping me away from you.” His looks are so dangerous, but I’m not afraid of him.
“I’m ready to pay,” I respond, breathing heavily.
His eyes darken even more. “Think again, because the punishment level will be high this time,” he threatens.
“I’m not afraid. My decision is final.”
He releases my arms, his expression a mix of frustration and longing. “Okay, then go. We’ll meet on Saturday.”
“Will, I’m doing this for you.” I place my hand gently on his arm.
His jaw flexes and his eyes glint dangerously. “Just go, Iva, before I cage you in my basement and never let you go.”
My heart aches. “I’m sorry. See you tomorrow in college.” I lean in and hug him tight.
He wraps his arms around me, crushing me to his chest like he wants to store me there forever. Neither of us moves for a long time.
I close the door of his apartment and walk down the stairs like a ghost. My legs feel heavier with each step, and by the time I reach my car, my chest is tight and my throat is aching.
I slip into the driver’s seat, shut the door, and the silence hits me like a wave. No sound. No, Will. No arms around me.
Warm tears trickle down my cheeks before I can stop them. I lean forward, gripping the steering wheel, my forehead pressed to it.
How am I supposed to do this?
How am I supposed to live without his arms wrapped around me at night? Without his breath against my neck? Without his hands on my waist, his voice in my ear?
It’s killing me already. And what makes it worse, he’s upset with me too.
My fingers tremble as they brush away the tears, but more keep coming.
I stare out through the windshield, saying to myself, feeling so sad. “I can’t even tell you, Will. I can’t tell you how difficult it will be for me to stay away from you, to sleep without you at night. But I can’t be selfish.”
It took everything in me to keep my voice steady in front of him, to convince him of this plan. Inside, I was breaking. Inside, I was screaming.
The whole time I kept thinking, Will I even be able to survive this? Is there any other way?
But there isn’t. This is the only way to protect him, to make sure his future isn’t ruined because of me.
I’m already missing him. My body aches to go back, to run upstairs, to throw myself into his arms and tell him I’m sorry, that I take it all back.
But I sit still, gripping the steering wheel, my eyes wet with tears.
“I’m sorry, Will,” I whisper into the empty car. “I’m sorry…”
And yet, I don’t move. Because if I do, I know I won’t leave again.