Chapter 179: Chapter 179

“You're right. I should have said something years ago and put an end to it. I was so hell bent on trying to make you happy that I just let you do whatever you wanted. And I guess I thought that since you supposedly loved me, you'd stop after, I don't know, the first three guys maybe?”

“I didn't love any of them. You're the only one I've ever loved. You know that.”

“Whoop dee fuckin' doo, Syd. Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Yes. Sex doesn't matter. It was just stupid party fun.”

I turn my head up toward the ceiling and laugh. “Oh, I see. Well, how about a few months ago when you said you wanted to get married, because... wait a second, let me think of the exact words you used... Aiden won't ever let go of Elaraand you're tired of waiting around for him to give you a chance. So I'm just the next best thing?”

“I didn't mean it like that.”

“Riiiiggghhht. It's a good thing Ash has some morals and won't touch you with a ten-foot pole or you wouldn't even be standing here right now, would you? You'd be sleeping with him, and forgetting all about me until you needed something.”

She glares at me, and I know what I said is true; she'd definitely choose him over me. “I'm not going to apologize for something you agreed to, whether you took advantage of it or not. Now that you've told me how you feel, I'll stop.” She steps closer and runs her hands up my bare chest, clasping them behind my neck. “We'll start over, then. With a commitment to each other. Maybe it's time we take things to the next level.”

I refuse to put my hands on her. “C'mon, Sydni. Do you really think you can do that? Be gone for months and not fool around with someone?”

“I think so. You can meet up with me every few weeks. That's what the other couples do.”

The thought of flying around the country to meet with her in hotels for nights of sex and rushed dinners and conversations, only to come back home alone doesn't exactly fit into the plan I wanted for my future.

Her pink-stained lips press against my chest, her hands tightening around my neck. I close my eyes, willing myself to enjoy her touch like I used to, hoping to feel a spark. When Kyra touches me, my heart feels like it's going to fly out of my chest. No matter where she touches me, even if it's just my hand in an innocent way, I feel it everywhere. The euphoria of her spreads from my head to my toes, electrifying every inch in between, making me want to grab onto her and never let go. Her touch reaches right into my soul and friggin' owns me.

Why, why, why am I thinking about Kyra when I have a gorgeous woman trying to climb me like a tree right now?

Sydni's mouth moves up to my neck, gently biting me, but the feelings don't come. My dick is bored, and so am I. I'm completely numb to her.

Grabbing her hands in frustration, I pulled her off me.

“What's wrong?” She comes back at me, reaching for my towel this time, but I push her away. Why are women always trying to pull my clothes off? I probably could make bank if I become a stripper at this point.

“I can't do this right now.”

“Jesus, Toren. It's been months.”

Hmm. It's been months for me, but I wonder how long it's been for her. “I don't care. I need some time to think first.”

“So you'll think about giving us another chance?”

“Maybe,” I reply, brainwashing myself so I'll forget about Kyra. “Let's see if you can get through the entire tour without being with someone else. And when you get back home I want you to have a full STD panel done. Then we'll talk about maybe starting over. And that's a huge fuckin' maybe, Syd, because honestly, I just don't know if I can do this with you again.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. If that's what it takes, I'll give it a shot.”

I can't believe she needs to give not fucking other men a shot. Like it's going to be some kind of feat of extraordinary talent to keep her mouth and her legs closed until she can be with me, the guy she claims to love.

“Yeah, well I won't hold my breath.”

“You don't have to be a jerk, Tor. I said I'd try,” she rubs at her nose. “And what about this dog and cat? If we get back together, I'll be sneezing nonstop.”

I reach down to pet Diogee, who's almost always at my side. “Then I guess you'd have to take an allergy pill. Or not come over. They're not disposable. This is their home.”

“We'll see about that. I have a feeling if you have to choose between pussies, you'll choose mine,” she says with a smirk.

I know she's joking, but I'm not seeing the humor in it. “One thing I've learned over the past few months is I can live without it, Syd. You don't have any power over me with that. So, the pets stay, no matter what.”

I'm not sure why, but it's bugging me that she didn't even ask their names, or want to know how I saved them. She didn't sit on the floor and pet them, or show any interest in them at all. Unlike Kyra, who treats this dog like royalty—brushing him, trimming his nails, and making him all natural peanut butter dog treats from some recipe she found on Pinterest.

She even ate one herself first, to make sure it tasted good. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Fuckin' Kyra, creeping back into my mind again. Always haunting me.