Chapter 81 ALISANDER'S A PRICK
SEBASTIAN’S POV
I’m sprawled on the edge of the training platform with my legs dangling awkwardly over the wooden railing.
My chest feels heavier than it has in weeks and the air smells like wet earth.
It's been raining for hours without any pause, mirroring my mental state currently.
My mind keeps circling and spinning the same thought over and over again.
Ragnar's “punishing” me by banning me from the challenge.
Ragnar has made his decision for me.
I close my eyes and try to slow my heartbeat, but the words he said previously echoes louder than any other voice could.
He’s leaving me out of the challenge.
The first wave hits me like a punch. My stomach twists as my chest feels hollow.
I have to bite down on my own lip to stop the whimper that threatens to escape at the thought.
He's leaving me out.
The words repeat and hammer at the fragile walls I’ve built around myself.
I can't help but think he's not protecting me, he might just be… excluding me.
I know I've always been shy in front of him and fumbling when he looked at me with those piercing eyes that seemed to see everything but he didn't even talk to me first.
He only spoke to Alisander and that was it.
“Don’t panic,” he whispers in my head.
I glare at the empty training yard, wishing he were visible so I could punch him.
“Don’t panic?” I mutter under my breath. “You’re calm because you’re not the one he just–he’s leaving me out!” My voice cracks.
“Yes. Because you’re a fragile one. Because you’re not me and you can’t fight like I do.”
Asshole.
I know he could read my mind so the message has been sent loud and clear.
I clench my paws, letting my claws dig into the wooden platform in anger. “I could fight,” I snapped. “I can fight!”
I'm leaving thin scratches in the platform that I don’t even notice.
“No, you can’t. You’re an Omega, Sebastian. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.”
I ball my hands into fists, gnawing on my inner lip.
He’s right.
Even though he's being an asshole and a dick about it, I am an Omega.
I’m too small and I'm like a little shrub compared to the huge wolves coming for me.
If he does this, they won't be content with me not participating, they'll find another way to get me.
And now… he’s letting me face this without even giving me the chance to prove myself.
Maybe if I did fight in the challenge, the MoonCrest wolves would finally look at me with something other than disgust.
Maybe I can prove to people that I belong exactly where I am.
Maybe I can prove to Ragnar that I could actually stand at his side… as his mate.
I push myself upright, standing on the railing despite the danger of slipping and falling.
The wind whips past my face, ruffling my hair and tugging at my clothes but I barely notice it.
I can only think of how that opportunity is all gone now.
I would be like a caged canary in the mercies of Ragnar's authority, never straying too far or I risk my own death.
I only feel the heat behind my eyes as the tears start to well up in my eyes.
There's an ache in my chest that’s equal parts fear and… something else.
Something else like what? I whisper in my mind, almost afraid to admit it.
“Jealousy.” Alisander’s voice is softer now. He sounds like he's teasing me. “You can lie to everyone but you can’t lie to me, we share the same mind. You’re jealous, Sebastian.”
I snort, trying to dismiss him, but the sound comes out sharper than intended. “Jealous? Of what? Of you being so calm and unaffected by all this? Of being you? Of you being everything I’m not?” My voice catches in a sob and I hate that he can hear it.
He's my wolf for goddess's sake, I hate that I feel this way or exposed like this.
I let my head fall into my hands, knees shaking. “He’s leaving me unable to defend or even prove myself,” I whisper again with my voice trembling. “And I don’t… I don’t know if I'm ever going to be able to prove myself to everyone .”
“You will,” Alisander says, and there’s no argument in his tone. “But you’ll need to trust yourself and more importantly you have to trust me.”
I try to feel him mentally, wanting him to appear in front of me, like Ragnar but it's not possible.
Instead, he’s just a voice in my mind, the other half of my soul who's nothing like me.
The contrast is maddening though. How is it possible that he's the same half of my soul but we're as different as day and night.
I can feel him smirking inside at that and it makes me want to punch something. Or someone.
I want to punch him right on his stupid smug face.
He's the reason we're on punishment and now we're banned from the challenge.
How dare him be so smug right now.
“You always make it look so easy,” I mutter, my voice low and bitter. “Calm and so perfect. Like… like nothing scares you.”
“Well that’s because nothing does. Not the other stupid packs and definitely not your stupid mate that calls himself an Alpha.”
.
I hiss under my breath, feeling that spark of anger flare hot. “Not funny! Why would you speak that way of your Alpha?”
“Okay? Who's gonna report me?”
I sit back, hugging my knees, feeling the shiver of helplessness roll through me.
I think the goddess might have made a mistake when splitting our souls.
Because Alisander is nothing like me and vice versa.
And I don’t want to admit it but I hate feeling like this.
And this prick Alisander sees it anyway, and I know he’s enjoying my discomfort.
“Stop talking to me like that,” I mutter. “You’re… you’re not helping me right now.”
“I am.”
“I can feel you laughing, you prick! You forget we share the same mind!”