Chapter 52
# Elowen's POV
I huddled in Cassian's arms, shaking uncontrollably. We'd been sitting in the car for at least twenty minutes, but I couldn't make myself get out and face reality. His arms wrapped around me, warm and solid, but I didn't dare look up at his face. If he knew what I'd just done with Drake, what would he think? Did he already hate me?
The door yanked open, and the smell of pine and tobacco instantly filled the small space. Casper slid into the driver's seat, and I felt the whole car vibrate with his anger. I curled tighter, trying to make myself smaller.
"Control your emotions, she's already scared enough," Cassian's voice came from above my head, deep and warning. I knew they were communicating through their weak mind link, while I was shut out.
Casper looked back at the rear seat, his gaze so hot I couldn't meet it. Then his eyes fell on a small bag next to the seat—filled with chocolate and barbecue that had gone cold, giving off only a greasy smell.
"Do you want some chocolate?" Cassian asked softly, fingers lightly brushing through my hair.
I shook my head, my throat tight. "No thanks." My voice was barely audible.
Casper started the engine, smoothly driving out of Drake's apartment parking lot. I felt relief mixed with deep shame. Drake's taste still lingered in my mouth, making me want to throw up.
"Can you feel us, cutie?" Casper asked through the rearview mirror, his voice much quieter than usual, eyes flickering with worry.
I shook my head, feeling tears threatening again. I tried to reach for Juno, but her voice was so distant, like she was behind a thick wall. The emptiness terrified me.
"This wolf suppressant takes at least 12 hours to metabolize. The connection will return slowly," Cassian explained, his hand gently rubbing my back, his professional, cool tone contrasting with his tender touch.
"It's like part of me was carved out..." I whispered, "I can't feel Juno... can't feel you guys..."
The car fell silent except for the engine's hum and my occasional sniffles. I closed my eyes, letting Cassian's heartbeat temporarily soothe me. But every time I closed my eyes, images of Drake forcing me flashed back, and my eyes snapped open again.
---
In the Pack House bathroom, hot steam filled the air. Cassian adjusted the water temperature, pouring essential oils and bath salts into the tub. This normally cold man moved with such gentleness it made me want to cry.
"The temperature's perfect, with lavender like you like," he said, his voice softer than I'd ever heard it.
I stood by the bathtub, arms wrapped around myself. I knew Casper was pacing right outside the door—I could hear his fists clenching and unclenching, and the small cracking sounds of the wooden doorframe under his touch. His anger was almost physical, seeping through the door cracks.
I slowly removed Casper's jacket—my only covering. Cassian turned to give me privacy, but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to wash away Drake's smell, wash away the filth.
I stepped into the water, letting it surround me, shivering. The lavender scent calmed my tense nerves, but when Cassian lightly patted my back, I still flinched.
"Sorry," he immediately withdrew his hand, "I won't hurt you."
"I know," I said, but my body wouldn't listen. "It's just... I..."
"It's okay." He handed me a washcloth and soap. "Do you want me to stay or go?"
I thought for a moment. "Stay. But... turn around."
He nodded, facing the door. I scrubbed myself hard, especially my mouth and throat, brushing until my mouth corners hurt and my gums bled, but I still didn't feel clean enough.
---
Wearing Cassian's T-shirt, I sat on the edge of the bed, fingers clutching the blanket. Casper sat in front of me, amber eyes staring straight at me. Cassian leaned against the wall, his ice-blue eyes like frost, observing my every expression.
"What did he do to you, Elowen?" Casper's voice was low and dangerous.
I avoided his gaze, heart racing. "He just made me drink the suppressant... I fought back, he didn't... didn't touch me." The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.
Juno weakly protested in the depths of my mind: "Tell the truth... they can smell lies..."
But I couldn't. I couldn't let them know how dirty I was. Couldn't let them know Drake had shoved his thing in my mouth, forced me to... No, I'd take this secret to my grave.
"Really?" Cassian asked calmly, his eyes never leaving my face. "Then why did you brush your teeth until you bled? Why do you keep wiping your mouth?"
"I just... feel sick." At least that part was true.
"Elowen..." Casper leaned forward, reaching for my hand, but I instinctively pulled back. His eyes flashed with hurt, then quickly hardened with determination. "I know this is hard, but we need to know exactly what happened. If he hurt you..."
"He didn't!" I answered too quickly, voice too sharp. "I just... want to rest. Please?"
They exchanged a look. Finally, Casper stood up. "Alright. We'll be next door. If you need anything, anything at all..."
I nodded, and after they left, I wrapped the blanket tighter around me like it was my last line of defense. Tears spilled out again, and I buried my face in the pillow, crying silently.
---
"No, Drake, please don't... I can't... stop..."
I jerked awake from the nightmare, my throat releasing a tearing scream. Sweat soaked through my clothes, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.
The door burst open with such force it slammed against the wall. Casper was at my side in an instant, his eyes wild with concern. He gently pulled me into his arms, his warm hands rubbing my back.
"I'm here, babe, nobody can hurt you now," his voice was deep, full of comfort.
In my half-asleep state, I sobbed uncontrollably: "His taste is still in my mouth... I brushed so many times..."
I felt Casper's body instantly stiffen, his hand frozen on my back. When I realized what I'd said, it was too late. I looked up to see his expression transform from gentle comfort to icy rage. Over my shoulder, he exchanged a heavy look with Cassian standing in the doorway. Cassian slowly nodded, his eyes flashing with the same fire and understanding.
They knew.
"Elowen..." Casper's voice shook, his knuckles white from clenching his fists. "Did he force you to...?"
I couldn't hold it anymore, my walls crumbling down. "I tried, I tried to fight him... I even cut his arm with a knife, but he overpowered me... He threw me on the bed... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"No, baby, no," Casper's voice cracked as he pulled me closer. I noticed tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. "We're the ones who should be sorry. We didn't protect you."
Cassian moved to the bed, sitting on my other side. His usually stoic face showed rare emotion, a tear threatening to spill. "Don't cry, little one. This isn't your fault."
I trembled between them, surrounded by their warmth. "I'm still scared," I admitted, my voice small. "I'm sorry I lied to you both, sorry I went to find him alone. I won't do it again, I promise..."
Cassian's fingers gently wiped away my tears. "Don't be afraid anymore. I love you, baby." The words were spoken so softly, but with such certainty.
"I love you, baby," Casper echoed, his lips pressing against my temple. "We both do."
I closed my eyes, trembling as shame engulfed me like a tidal wave. But they didn't let me go; their embrace tightened, holding me securely between them.
"It's okay," Casper whispered in my ear, his voice shaking with suppressed rage. "You're safe now. He can't touch you again."
I felt Cassian's hand gently resting on my back. Their scents—pine, tobacco, cold iron, and roses—surrounded me, driving away Drake's shadows.
"I'm dirty..." I finally said the words, my voice broken beyond repair. "You shouldn't..."
"No," Casper cut me off, cupping my face and forcing me to look at his eyes. "Listen to me, Elowen. You did nothing wrong. It's him, not you. You will never be dirty because of this."
Cassian gripped my hand, his thumb gently stroking my knuckles. "We'll handle this," he promised, deadly calm in his voice. "But now, you need to rest. We're right here."