Chapter 256
Casper's POV
The dim amber glow of Moonrise Den wrapped around me like a shroud, the kind of darkness that felt almost comforting in its familiarity. I'd been nursing the same glass of whiskey for what felt like hours, watching the ice melt into diluted nothingness, much like everything else in my life since Elowen disappeared. The bar was packed tonight—vampires in the corner booth discussing some territorial dispute, a pair of witches arguing over a spell gone wrong, even a few fae creatures I couldn't quite identify lingering near the pool tables. This place was a sanctuary for the supernatural, a neutral ground where predators and prey could exist in uneasy harmony, but tonight it felt more like purgatory.
I took another sip, letting the burn slide down my throat, hoping it would cauterize the gaping wound in my chest where my heart used to be. It didn't. It never did. But I kept drinking anyway, because what else was there? Without Elowen, everything felt pointless, like I was just going through the motions of existing without actually living. Leo had been quiet for hours, sulking in the back of my mind, his usual fire reduced to smoldering embers of resentment.
The plan was supposed to work. Cassian's brilliant fucking plan. We'd erase her memories temporarily, keep her safe from whatever danger was circling, and then we'd find ways to see her secretly, help her remember piece by piece. It was supposed to be controlled, measured, safe. Instead, she vanished like smoke through my fingers, and now I was left with nothing but regret so heavy it threatened to crush me. I hated myself. I hated Cassian. I hated the circumstances that forced us into this impossible situation. But most of all, I hated how powerless I felt.
The whiskey wasn't helping, but I ordered another anyway, watching Dorian the bartender slide it across the polished mahogany with a knowing look that said he'd seen this pathetic display too many times before. I didn't care. Let him judge. Let everyone judge. They couldn't possibly think less of me than I already thought of myself.
That's when I noticed her—a blonde she-wolf sitting at the far end of the bar, her golden hair catching the low light like spun honey. She was alone, nursing what looked like a martini, and when our eyes met, she smiled. It was a practiced smile, the kind that promised easy distraction and no complications. For a moment, I considered ignoring her, drowning myself in another glass instead, but then something in me snapped. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the desperate need to feel something other than this crushing emptiness, but I found myself forcing my face into the charming grin that used to come so naturally, the one that had worked on countless women before Elowen became my entire world.
I pushed myself off the barstool, my movements unsteady as I made my way toward her, my body swaying slightly with each step. The alcohol had definitely hit harder than I'd intended, but I didn't stop. When I reached her, I leaned against the bar with what I hoped was casual confidence rather than the desperate need for support it actually was, and delivered my opening line with all the swagger I could muster through my haze of intoxication.
"Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got 'fine' written all over you."
The words tasted like ash in my mouth even as I said them, hollow and meaningless, but she laughed anyway, a light tinkling sound that should have been encouraging but instead made me feel even emptier. Before I could continue my pathetic attempt at flirtation, Leo's voice cut through my thoughts like a blade, low and warning.
"She's already mated, you idiot."
I could feel it too, now that he mentioned it—the faint scent of another male clinging to her skin, the invisible mark that claimed her as someone else's. But I didn't care. Drake had pursued Elowen even knowing she was ours, hadn't he? Turnabout was fair play, and besides, I was too far gone to let something as trivial as another man's claim stop me from seeking this temporary oblivion.
I leaned in closer, my voice dropping to what I hoped was a seductive murmur as I delivered another line from my extensive repertoire of terrible pickup attempts. "There's 'U' in 'beautiful,' but there's 'U' and 'I' together in 'quickie.'"
The blonde's eyes flickered toward the restrooms, a silent invitation that should have sent a thrill through me but instead left me feeling nothing but a yawning void of disgust and self-loathing. Leo's voice came again, dripping with disbelief and disapproval.
"Really? This is what we're doing now?"
He was right, of course. This was too easy, too meaningless, too much like the man I used to be before Elowen showed me what it meant to actually feel something real. The thought of touching anyone who wasn't her, of losing myself in someone else's body when my soul belonged entirely to her, made my stomach turn with such violent revulsion that I had to grip the edge of the bar to keep from stumbling. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be with anyone else, not even for a moment's escape from this pain.
Half-joking, half-desperate, I heard myself ask, "Unless your name happens to be Elowen?"
The blonde's expression shifted instantly from flirtatious to offended, her eyes narrowing as she grabbed her drink and stalked away without another word, leaving me alone at the end of the bar like the pathetic mess I was. I made my way back to my original seat, ignoring the disappointed shake of Dorian's head as he wordlessly poured me another drink, this one larger than the last, perhaps in recognition of just how far I'd fallen.
The alcohol was making everything fuzzy around the edges now, my thoughts swimming in a sea of whiskey and regret, but somewhere in that haze, an idea formed.
My fingers fumbled with my phone, the screen blurring in and out of focus as I scrolled through my contacts until I found Ronan's contact. The phone rang once, twice, and then his voice came through, sharp and angry in a way that immediately set me on edge.
"Casper, what the fuck do you want?"
I'd expected irritation, maybe even mild annoyance at being called this late, but the raw fury in his voice caught me completely off guard, making me stumble over my words like a child caught doing something wrong. "Ronan, I... I just need to talk."
"You need to talk?" His laugh was bitter, cutting. "Haven't you people done enough damage to her today?"
My heart stopped, the alcohol-induced fog clearing slightly as his words registered. "What do you mean? What happened?"
There was a long pause, and I could practically hear him deciding whether to tell me, weighing my right to know against whatever had clearly gone wrong. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold with contempt.
"You really don't know, do you? Cassian's brilliant decision is still fucking up her life, and you're so drunk you didn't even notice."
I gripped the phone so hard my knuckles turned white, the plastic creaking under the pressure as panic began to claw its way up my throat, cutting through the whiskey haze with sharp-edged clarity. "Ronan, tell me what happened. Please."
"You're pathetic, Casper." Each word was a hammer blow, delivered with the precision of someone who knew exactly where to strike to cause maximum damage. "You're supposed to care about her, but instead you're drowning yourself in alcohol and cheap pickup lines. If you really gave a damn, you'd be with her right now instead of wallowing in self-pity at some bar."
I became acutely aware of the whispers behind me, other patrons who'd witnessed my failed attempt at seduction and were now listening to my humiliation with poorly concealed interest. I should have cared about making a scene, about the reputation I was destroying with every slurred word, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything beyond the crushing weight of Ronan's accusation and the terrifying certainty that something had happened to Elowen, something bad, and I'd been too busy feeling sorry for myself to even notice.