chapter 187 The Life of a Four-Year-Old (Part 2)
Kieran's POV
But I didn't want to hurt Lyra mama.
Eric told me he could get me animal blood. That sounded perfect.
The blood came in medical bags, like the IV fluids I was used to seeing. Eric would warm it to body temperature and feed it to me through a straw. The first taste was revolting, but as soon as it hit my stomach, energy flooded through my system like electricity.
Drinking the blood made my body better and better. As long as my body got stronger, mama would love me more. I could protect her, take care of her, be the daughter she deserved instead of the burden I had always been.
But then Lyra mama said she had to leave.
"I have to go back," she told me, her voice thick with tears. "There are things I need to handle, people who need my help."
Mama, don't you love me? Even though I'm so much stronger than Elena now?
Eric said it was because Lyra only loved Elena and had never loved me, so she wouldn't stay for me. I didn't believe him.
"She's just saying what she thinks you want to hear," Eric said softly. "But actions speak louder than words. If she truly loved you, would she be so eager to leave?"
Eric said then we should bring Elena here.
Later Elena really did come, and the moment Lyra saw her daughter, everything changed. Lyra cried the moment she saw Elena, holding her so tight it looked like she was afraid Elena might disappear. When Eric threatened to kill Elena, Lyra was willing to sacrifice her own life for Elena without hesitation.
"Take me instead," she had begged. "Please, she's just a child. I'll do anything you want."
So it was true. Lyra didn't really love me. She only love Elena.
Oh, and Eric was my father. He said Celeste was my mother, and our family of three would definitely be reunited.
"Your mother was the most beautiful creature I ever knew," Eric would tell me, showing me faded photographs of a woman with ethereal features and silver eyes. "She sacrificed everything for love. Now you'll help me bring her back."
So I didn't need Lyra, right?
-
Dorian rescued Lyra and Elena, and Eric was furious. He said he would make Dorian pay.
Soon after, the war began.
Eric brought me to join the vampires.
The vampire stronghold was unlike anything I had ever imagined. Everywhere I looked, creatures moved with predatory grace.
I suddenly discovered that there were so many people in the world just like me, who loved blood.
That was wonderful.
Eric trained me, making me get used to drinking werewolf blood.
The training was brutal.
"Pain is weakness leaving the body," he would say as he pushed me beyond my limits.
Only then did I learn that the so-called cattle and sheep blood he had given me before was actually wolf blood.
I became addicted to wolf blood and even more addicted to slaughter. Sometimes when I regained consciousness after a feeding frenzy, I didn't know what I had done.
Bodies would be scattered around me, their eyes vacant and their throats torn.
Seeing those corpses, I felt scared. The wounds on my body hurt too. Combat was taking its toll. I had claw marks across my ribs, bite wounds on my arms, burns from silver weapons that took days to heal.
I said I wanted to rest for a day and not go to the battlefield, but Eric whipped me and made me apologize to my dead mama Celeste for not wanting to avenge her.
"Celeste is watching," he hissed with each strike. "She sees your cowardice, your weakness. Apologize to her."
Alright, I would persist a little longer. But daddy, I hurt too. Why can't you love me the way you love Celeste?
Sometimes I would wake up screaming from nightmares, visions of all the people I had killed, their faces accusatory and haunting. Eric would tell me to be quiet because I was disturbing his meditation about Celeste. I learned to muffle my cries in my pillow.
-
Lyra came to assassinate me. Actually, the moment she entered the vampire stronghold, I knew she was there.
Her scent was unmistakable, even among all the death and decay. It carried memories of vanilla and medicinal herbs, of gentle hands and soft lullabies.
I killed that foolish assassin male wolf and returned to my tent, waiting for the next one. But I didn't expect Lyra to personally carry out the mission. She really wanted to kill me.
I was angry, so when I got to the battlefield, I took my anger out on her beloved Dorian.
I should have killed her love and herself with my own hands, since she wanted to kill me.
But why, when I was in the tent earlier, had I extended my fangs to her fragile neck but didn't bite down?
Even as I held Dorian in the air, part of me kept looking back at Lyra.
The woman who had come to kill me.
Lyra said she felt sorry for my wounds.
"Are you in pain?" she asked.
Finally someone noticed that I was covered with injuries.
I felt like I was back to being small again, being cared for by her tenderly every day. I could almost hear her humming that lullaby, could almost feel her warm hands checking my temperature and adjusting my blankets.
I didn't want to kill people anymore. I was tired of this life.
When Lyra blocked the axe attack for me, something inside me cracked. She had protected me again, just like she had protected me from the caregiver.
I saw Lyra take the magic potion from her pocket. I saw it, but I didn't want to stop her.
She held me, she desperately kissed me, there were tears in her eyes. Her tears fell warm on my skin, and I realized they were the same tears she had cried over my bedside when I was small and dying.
Maybe she did love me, but she just had no choice but to kill me.
The paralysis potion spread through my veins, but instead of fighting it, I let it take me. My body went limp in her arms, and for the first time in months, I felt peaceful.
I opened my mouth and tried to say, "Mama, sing me one more lullaby."
I wanted to hear that soft voice one more time, wanted to remember the safety of those moments when the world was just me and mama and her gentle songs. I wanted to ask her to sing about the little star who found her way home, or about the brave wolf who learned to love herself.
But just like when I was small, no sound came out this time either.
The poison dagger pressed against my heart, and I looked into Lyra's crying eyes one last time. She was beautiful even when she was heartbroken. She was still my mama, even as she ended my life.
Maybe this was love too.
And that was enough.