Chapter 32 — A Dead End

Blake POV:

I let out a tired sigh as I crash lazily on the sofa in my office, pulling off both my shoes and jacket and throwing them randomly. I look up at the ceiling tiredly and my mind wanders off to the day Jason and I first met.

Jason had walked into my life when I needed him the most and I could never forget that. He's the reason I was able to keep my head up and keep pushing through my horribly depressing life and for all of these reasons, I can't thank him enough but at this moment, something had definitely gone wrong somewhere and I'm pretty sure it's not Dana.

Of course, I am angry at the fact that he and Dana did what they did but my emotions and thoughts at this moment aren't what I would have expected them to be. I'm supposed to be furious and disgusted by them to the point where I'll feel hurt and betrayed but, I feel nothing closely related to that. Instead, I feel relieved and it's probably because now I have an excuse to free both Jason and I from this relationship that has obviously gotten to a dead end.

It actually feels weird that I think this way instead of feeling hurt by what I just heard but Jason chelating on me was bound to happen sooner or later with anyone, if not Dana and the same thing was also bound to happen with me so I just can't be hurt, instead, I'm just happy I can finally let go him and let him be as happy as he would without me.

A sudden knock on the door interrupts me from my thoughts and when I ask who it was behind the scenes, the door is pushed open slowly and Jason walks in.

"Hey," he greets calmly.

"Don't tell me you're here to apologize?" I ask, watching as he walks towards where I was, taking a seat on the sofa opposite me.

"Nah, I'm not here to do that," he responds dismissively. I frown.

"If you're not here to apologize, why did you come here? Don't you feel sorry for cheating on me with Dana?" I ask, trying to understand why he seems so unbothered. Could it be that he's so over me to the point that he doesn't just care anymore? If that's the case, then I should really end this as soon as possible.

"Don't get me wrong, Blake. Whatever happened with Dana wasn't planned or anything, but I would be lying if I said I regret it. I don't," he tells me straightforwardly whilst maintaining his calm composure.

If there's one thing I admired about Jason aside from his good heart, it's the fact that he'll never pretend or lie to himself or to anyone no matter who it was. He's always been a pretty open-minded guy and I'm glad he still hasn't changed that about himself.

"Are you being serious right now, Jason? You don't regret sleeping with the woman who everyone out there identifies as my wife? And she thinks you're her baby's father? Is this really why you walked in here? To tell me to my face that you don't regret being with her?" I ask in a mock annoyed tone, waiting to see how this conversation will play out.

"Blake, I think I know you well enough to know when you're really upset and when you're trying to seem like you're upset and right now, you're only playing along. You’re trying to act like you're mad at me when you're actually not," he says with so much confidence and I let out a short laugh.

"Why would you think I'm not mad at you for sleeping with someone else? What makes you so confident?" I ask, not masking my irritation.

"Do you want to break up with me, Blake? Have you found the excuse you've been waiting for all this while?" he asks. I'm a little taken aback by his straightforwardness.

"You really think I've been looking for an excuse to end things between us? What makes you say that? Am I the one really ending things or is it you?" I question.

"How about we both just admit that we're both putting an end to things and stop with this back and forth? The truth is, Blake, as much as I tried not to get tired of the entire situation with you, I did. I'm not trying to excuse what happened between Dana and me. I'm taking full responsibility for that. I admit it was wrong of me, but after it happened, I thought I would probably hate myself for cheating on you and maybe feel guilty or something like that, but the exact opposite happened.

"Instead of feeling guilty, I felt tired. What happened just made me realize just how tired I was of being stuck in this situation with you. At first, I thought I loved you enough to go through this crazy marriage idea with you. I would be patient until you were ready to free yourself from your self-made prison. But then I started to realize that I've been saying the same thing to myself for almost four years, and you still haven't changed. I couldn't get you to change and it finally dawned on me that, if after all this while, you couldn't come out of your shell for my sake, then, you probably never would. At the end of the day, we're both wasting our time," he says.

I stare back at him for a while, not exactly knowing how to respond to what he just said. He isn't exactly wrong, and I have to admit that he has sacrificed more than enough to stick with me and instead of recognizing his efforts, I've been too selfish trying to protect myself and I couldn't even bring myself to recognize how difficult things would be for him.

"Do you hate me for that?" I ask calmly.

"Hate you? I could never hate you Blake cause believe it or not, you've helped me through a lot in the last few years and I can't possibly resent or hate you when it's absolutely not your fault. I know for a fact that there's someone out there who'll be patient enough to bring you out of your shell and help you realize that your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's but unfortunately, I won't be that person for you," he replies, and I let out a sigh.

"I guess it's time for us to part ways then. I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to let myself be happier with you Jason and thank you for staying by my side even though I never really deserved you," I say to him, watching as his lips curled up in a small smile before he gets up from where he sat and came over to where I sat.

"I should be the one apologizing for everything Blake, I'm sorry for not being the best boyfriend like you wanted," he says, and I laugh at the fact that he's referencing the words I had said to him when we first started going out.

"Also, Blake, please don't hate Dana too much. She's really not a bad person,” he adds, and I nod a little before stretching my hands out for a handshake.

"Goodbye Jason and thanks for everything," I say to him, getting up from where I sat to stand face to face with him.

"Oh, come on Blake, don't be so boring. How about we seal our goodbye with a kiss instead of a boring handshake?" he suggests, and I chuckle.

"Well, why am I not surprised? Very typical of you," I respond and without wasting time, he pulls me closer and places a soft kiss on my lips and I respond to his kiss without hesitation.

"Now, that's how to say goodbye properly!" he exclaims with a wide grin, and I roll my eyes at his childishness.

"Will you leave tonight? You can still stay for a while if you want," I say to him, hoping he doesn't feel the need to rush out by this time of the night.

"What kind of dude is shameless enough to live in his ex-boyfriend’s house even after a breakup? Definitely not me. I'm just gonna leave for now and send some people later on to come get my things for me. You don't have to worry about that," he replies, and I decide against insisting that he stays because I know Jason would never listen.

"Take care of yourself Jason," I say to him as he walks towards the door.

"Will do buddy and you should do the same. Until we meet again," he chirps excitedly with a wide smile before walking out of the room and out of my life.

***

Dana POV:

"Are you feeling better? Buckley informed me that you weren't feeling well this morning and that you've barely eaten anything. Are you planning on locking yourself up in your room and starving yourself? Have you forgotten that you're pregnant and that now you have a life to worry about besides yourself?" Blake questions in an irritated tone and since I had nothing to say, I chose to keep quiet.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" he asks, folding his hands across his chest and throwing me a dirty look that made me feel even worse than I already felt.

"I'm not hungry. I'll eat when I have an appetite," I mutter a reply, hoping he would at least leave me to think for a while instead of torturing me even more with his presence.

"I really could care less whether or not you're hungry Dana. I'm more concerned about the baby inside of you that hasn't had anything to eat since last night, so how about you do me a favor, get yourself out of this bed and come downstairs to eat something. Your guilt is no excuse to starve your child," he hisses, and I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Can you please just leave me alone, Blake? I know you're mad at me and all, but I really don't have the strength to deal with anything right now. You don't have to worry about the baby. I'll get something to eat soon," I tell him tiredly before turning my body away from him and facing the opposite side.

"Can you explain to me why in the world you're sulking when I should be the one sulking? Aren't I the one who was cheated on?" he asks from behind me. I can feel his body weight as he sits on the empty space on the bed.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say to him since I didn't exactly know what else to say.

"If you're so sorry then how about you come with me, and I'll cook something really nice for you to eat?" he offers, and I refuse again.

"Don't you hate me? I heard Jason left the house already, which means you two broke up because of me. Don't you regret marrying me?" I ask, hating myself for ruining what they had.

"I wouldn't be sitting here if I hated you, Dana. I really don't hate you and I'm sure you're thinking that it's your fault Jason and I broke up but it's really not. We were bound to end things one of these days and I guess it just happened a little sooner than expected," he replies. I tiredly drag my body up from where I lay to look at him face to face.

"That's a lie. You two were happy together until I showed up," I snap at him.

"Okay, Dana, I'm not gonna say we weren't happy or anything but even the happiest couples break up and sometimes, it has nothing to do with whether or not we're happy with each other. Jason and I have just come to realize that we're not meant to be and we're totally fine with that. Our breakup barely has anything to do with you," he tells me and by the look on his face, it seems as though he's really telling me the truth.

"I still feel like crap regardless. I shouldn't have done that to you after everything you did for me," I mumble in a low tone. He scoffs.

"It's too late for regrets now, Dana. There's really no point dragging yourself down over a done deal. Now, what you have to worry about is how you're gonna take care of your child and find out who the father is cause Jason wasn't lying when he said he can't have kids. He really isn't your baby's father," he replies.

"You think I don't already know that? I may have not known Jason well enough, but I doubt he's shameless enough to lie about something that serious just to deny being the father of my baby. Besides, I already checked how far along I am, and I pretty much already know who the father is," I tell him, and he furrows his brows in confusion.

"You do? Who is it? Is he someone you know very well? Can you contact him?" he asks, and I groan in frustration.

"I wouldn't say I know him very well but I'm pretty sure you do," I drawl, and he frowns slightly.

"Is it Brian?" he asks almost immediately, and I'm surprised by how quickly he was able to guess.

"How'd you guess that? Did Brian already spill the beans?" I ask.

"He didn't tell me directly but before you two met again, he mentioned being with someone with your name. When I found out you two knew each other, I put two and two together and realized that you're probably the girl he hasn't shut up about in the last couple of weeks. So, am I right? Is he really the father of your child?" he asks and once again, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

"I'm so sorry, Blake. I don't even understand how I end up in bed with the men in your life. I feel so disgusted with myself," I hiss, and he breaks into guffaws.

"I don't remember saying anything funny though. What exactly are you laughing at?" I wonder out loud.

"It's just funny how you said you got in bed with the men in my life like I own any of them, but you know what, let's put that aside. When do you plan on telling my dear friend that he has a child on the way?" he questions.

"Well, I don't know. Brian and I aren't exactly friends or anything and I don't even have his number. I don’t even know anything about the guy. I can't even be sure he'll accept the baby," I reply.

"What do you mean you don't even know him? The dude doesn't ever shut up about you. According to him, he said that you two spoke a lot about yourselves which means he knows you to some extent and I think the idiot developed a crazy crush on you since then. I even remember criticizing him for falling for a stranger, but I guess it makes sense now," he explains and I'm a little skeptical on whether or not to actually believe his words.

"Stop playing with me, Blake. Why would your friend have a crush on me when he barely knows me? I don't even remember anything that happened that night," I say.

"Even the sex?" he teases. I roll my eyes at him.

"Be serious, you clown," I smack him lazily.

"Okay fine, I didn't exactly lie about what I said earlier but it is slightly exaggerated. Brian did talk about you, and he sounded pretty intrigued by whatever you two talked about. I'm not saying he likes you or anything, but I don't think my friend is crazy enough to deny being the father of your child. I can assure you that he's a great guy and you'll be surprised by just how great he is," he assures and this time, I could tell he wasn't lying although I can never be too sure.

"Would you please take me go him tomorrow? I'd rather just get this over with as soon as possible," I say to him, and he nods.

"I promise I will, Dana. Now, please, can you come down and eat something? You need to stay healthy for my nephew or niece that's on the way," he urges, pulling me up from the bed and after fruitless effort of trying to get him to let go of me, I give up on trying and all of a sudden, he carries me like a child in his arms and I couldn't be more grateful for a husband like him although I knew at the back of my mind, that my marriage with him had already come to a dead end.