Chapter 23: April 3, 1987: Part III

We make small talk in his 1985 Subaru Sedan; I tell him about how Colin and I met, the wedding, and my classes; he tells me stories about his kids. After a few minutes, we arrive at Marco's, a casual restaurant serving Honduran and Chilean foods.

He directs me toward the back booth, occupied by a smiling, waving woman. Her angular features complement her slender body and the red curls that fall past her shoulders.

She stands to greet us. "Hello," she says with genuine enthusiasm.

"Kari, this is Ra'Shelle Dawson."

I shake her hand. "It's good to meet you."

"You too! Tom came home last week and talked about you for an hour."

Tom sits down in the booth, and Kari slides in next to him. Relieved to have a side to myself, I slide into the center.

"Well, just to recap," Tom says, "Ra'Shelle is finishing her sophomore year, majoring in art and maybe in business. She's twenty years old, living with her husband, Colin, and is going to perform some contract work for us this summer before starting an internship in the fall. She speaks nearly fluent Italian, beat me at chess, and persuaded me to give Sam another chance to convince me to build the new office in Minneapolis."

Kari grins. "You beat him at chess?"

"He played a good game."

"Also," Tom continues with emphasis, "she and her husband are adopting a baby from a pregnant eighteen-year-old in their dorm."

Kari's eyes shine. "Really? That's great! When is the baby due?"

Tom smiles and raises his eyebrows at me.

I clear my throat, taken aback. "August fourteenth, as far as we know."

Kari claps. "Oh, that's so great. So, you still have a few months to prepare everything."

I nod. "We just made the decision yesterday, so we haven't really bought anything yet."

Kari raises her hand. "Don't. Oh, we have so much baby crap. When we had our little girl, our friends gave us new clothes and toys, because they felt like the girl shouldn't have boy hand-me-downs. Darren's stuff was good enough for Timothy, but apparently not for Tina. I didn't know how sexist our friends were until then. It's ridiculous. Anyway, now we have all these macho sports onesies and princess onesies and, oh, God, I can't even. Bottles, clothes, toys, clothes, diapers, clothes, teething rings, clothes."

Tom stretches his arm behind her. "Honey."

"Right. Sorry. It's just So. Much. Stuff. Seriously, you two can have all of it."

"What if you want another kid?"

Kari waves her hands wildly. "No, no, no. I love my kids, but I never want to change another diaper. Finita!”

The waiter arrives with chips and salsa, and we order our food. Tom insists on combining the check. "We don't make the college student pay for food," he says with a smile. With anyone else, I would have insisted, but I doubt he’s the guy to hold fourteen dollars over my head. Still, even that thought makes me shudder.

We eat and talk about my classes, and Kari tells stories about their kids, her job, and Tom founding LFI. Tom barely speaks at all, letting Kari ramble, often laughing at her reenactments of their kids.

We finish eating and are sipping drinks and waiting for the check when Kari leans in. "Do you have a crib yet?"

“Not yet.”

"Tina is still using her crib, but she’ll transition to her toddler bed this summer. You can have it. A carpenter friend of ours, who doesn’t trust mass-produced cribs, made it for Darren. I'd rather someone use it than it collect dust in the basement."

She claps again. "Oh, my God. I'm so glad you came into our lives. Can I come by your dorm next week and start making deliveries?"

"Uh, sure."

"Kari, you're scaring her,” Tom says.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so excited for her." She leans back. "Being a mom. I mean, it's challenging, but there's nothing quite like it."

I swallow.

Tom looks from me to Kari, then back to me. "She didn't mean anything."

I swallow again, feeling my heart fall into my full stomach. "It's fine."

Kari looks at Tom. "What did I say?"

He glances at me, and I nod, appreciating the subtle request for permission. "Ra'Shelle's mother just died."

Duchenne de Boulogne would have enjoyed studying Kari; her expression falls that quickly. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Ra'Shelle. I didn't mean–" She takes a deep breath. "I'm so sorry."

I try to reassure her. "It's fine."

"When?" Kari shakes her head. "I'm sorry. That's none of my business."

I take a drink, then clear my throat. "The cops told me this morning." I sniffle and blink, willing myself to keep it together. "I'm still a little raw."

I struggle to smile. "Tom's distracted me well."

For once, Kari’s speechless. I can tell she’s a hugger, and she’s fighting the urge. She whispers something in Tom’s ear, and he shakes his head.

"Did Tom drive you here?"

“Yes.”

"How about I drive you back to your dorm? Tom will take care of the check anyway. We don't need to wait around for that."

"Sure." I look at Tom. "If that's okay with you."

I don’t know why I checked with him. Maybe it’s the strange bond that’s formed so quickly.

Tom nods. "So, you'll come by after finals to meet with HR?"

"Unless you call me sooner."

He shakes my hand. "Stop by my office when you're done with HR. Maybe I can redeem myself as a chess player."

I half-smile. "I'm sure you were just going easy on me."

"If you ask around the office, you'll discover that's unlikely."

"Thanks again, Tom,” I say. “I'll see you in a few weeks."

"Good luck on your finals."

Kari gives him a quick hug. "See you at home," she says.

She follows me out of the restaurant, then directs me to her 1986 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser. "You’re married, so I assume you’re in King Hall?"

"Yes… How did you know that?"

"I'm an alumna."

We’re silent for most of the trip; the green trees pass my window, and I maintain my composure. After signing the papers, the police, Tom, and now Kari, the exhaustion finally hits.

When we arrive, Kari shuts off the engine. "Do you mind if I walk you inside?"

I shake my head. "Be warned though," I joke as I open the car door, "the lobby is always full of crying and screaming kids."

Kari laughs. "I deal with fourteen crying and screaming kids every day. I can handle it."

I find my keys, and Kari follows me into my empty suite.

"Colin is probably studying at the library,” I tell her. “We spend so much time there that they should halve our room fee."

As soon as I step inside, I spot Daly's business card on the desk. I take a sharp breath to steady myself, but I barely make it to the couch before collapsing into deep sobs.

Slowly, I realize that my hands, covering my face, are resting against Kari’s shoulder and her curls brush my ear as she holds me. I don’t possess the strength to pull away–nor do I want to.

I hear him singing as he strides closer: It fills me up. Every time I hear her say she's still in love, and no one could take her love away.

His key turns the lock and he walks inside. "Babe, I'm–" He drops his backpack on the floor. "What's going on?"

Kari releases me and stands. "You must be Colin. I'm Kari Ledger, Tom Ledger's wife."

Colin nods politely, but all of his attention is on me. "What's going on?"

I bring my knees to my chest and continue to sob.

"Apparently,” Kari says, “the police came this morning to tell her that her mother died last night."

"Damnit." Colin rubs his head. "Oh, Ra'Shelle."

"We went to dinner,” Kari continues, “and I drove her back. She’s cried since we arrived. That's all I know."

She squats in front of the couch. "Ra'Shelle,” she says softly, “I'm going to go, but I'll see you soon with deliveries of stuff, okay?"

With red, puffy eyes, I look up and clear my throat, temporarily stifling my sobs. "Yeah. Thanks, Kari. See you later."

Kari stands up.

"Thanks," Colin whispers as she walks past him.

"No problem," Kari whispers before locking the door behind her.

Colin sits next to me, and I lean against him. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. "Tell me everything."

"Mama OD'd. Lassio found her last night, probably looking for the rent."

I take a shaky breath. "And then the cops came this morning. A guy I went to school with and Officer Daly." I begin sobbing again.

"Officer Daly? Should I know that name?" he asks, stroking the back of my neck.

I shake my head. "You don't know that story."

"There aren't many stories I still don't know… Are there?" he asks.

“No,” I squeak.

He’s quiet for a long time, listening to me cry and feeling my shaky breaths. I’m remembering the first time he held me while I cried, and I’m sure he’s remembering it too.

He releases me and turns slightly to remove his shoes; my forehead falls against his shoulder. He stands before leaning over and placing his hands on my sides. "C’mere."

With rubber limbs, I barely stand, but I wrap my arms around his neck, and he lifts me effortlessly. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he carries me to the bedroom.

"Are you wearing a cami under your blouse?" he asks as he gently sets me on the bed.

I nod.

He unbuttons and helps me remove my shirt. Then he slips off my shoes and helps me lie down before covering me with the sheet. He removes his shirt, walks to the other side of the bed, crawls in beside me, and wraps his arm around me.

He slowly turns me to face him and gently pushes me closer to him. He holds my hand and presses it against his chest, taking two deep breaths and exhaling slowly.

"Do you feel that? How steady I am? Mirror that. Breathe with me."

I attempt to synchronize and slow my breathing, but in the middle of the second breath, I begin sobbing again.

He wraps both arms around me and holds me close. "Try to sleep, Ra'Shelle. You’re not alone. You’re safe with me."