Chapter 113
Sophia
Twenty minutes later, I went to check on Lily, expecting to find her sleeping peacefully. Instead, my heart stopped.
She was lying on the star-patterned rug beside her bed, completely still.
"Lily?" My voice came out as a strangled whisper as I rushed forward, dropping to my knees beside her. "Lily!"
She wasn't breathing. Oh God, no! NO! LILY!
My fingers frantically searched for a pulse at her neck, relief washing over me when I detected a faint, slow throb beneath my fingertips. But the relief immediately gave way to terror. My entire world compressed into this single moment, this tiny pulse beneath my fingertips, this child who was my everything, my reason for breathing.
"HELP!" I screamed, my voice shattering the quiet apartment. "CALL 911! NOW!"
I gently turned Lily onto her back, tilting her head slightly to open her airway. My CPR training from when she was first diagnosed with her heart condition kicked in automatically. Check for breathing. Begin chest compressions. Two rescue breaths. More compressions.
"One, two, three, four," I counted aloud, pressing down on her small chest with the heel of my hand, tears blurring my vision. "Come on, baby. Breathe for Mommy. Please, God, fuck, please! Don't you dare leave me, Lily. Don't you fucking dare!"
Alex burst into the room, phone pressed to his ear.
"Yes, my daughter," he was saying, his voice tense but controlled. "She's—she's not breathing. She had congenital heart repair surgery two months ago." A pause. "Yes, her mother is performing CPR."
Elizabeth appeared in the doorway, her face pale with shock. "I'll call Sage," she said, already pulling out her phone. Our probation officer needed to be informed immediately—any emergency involving Lily had to be reported.
I barely registered their voices, all my focus on Lily's still form. "Come on, sweetheart. Please." My arms ached, my tears falling onto her pale face as I continued compressions. The thought of losing her was so unbearable I couldn't even fully form it in my mind. Not my baby. Not my miracle. Not after everything we'd survived together.
The minutes stretched like hours until finally, finally, I heard sirens approaching. Footsteps pounded up the stairs to our apartment, and suddenly the room was filled with paramedics, their efficient movements pushing me gently aside.
"Mom, I need you to tell me what happened," one of them said, already attaching monitoring equipment to Lily's chest.
"I—I put her down for a nap," I stammered, my hands shaking violently. "When I came to check on her, she was on the floor. Not breathing."
They worked quickly, placing an oxygen mask over Lily's face. One paramedic connected a heart monitor, and the irregular beeping filled the room.
"We've got a pulse, but it's weak and erratic," he reported. "BP is 70/40. Respirations shallow and irregular."
Another paramedic was on the phone. "Dr. Robinson, this is Boston EMS. We're with Lily Green. Her heart rate is extremely unstable."
My knees buckled, and I would have collapsed if Alex hadn't caught me, his arm strong around my waist.
"She's going to be okay," he whispered, though his voice trembled. "She's a fighter, just like her mother."
The paramedics worked swiftly, transferring Lily onto a stretcher, still maintaining her oxygen supply and monitoring her vitals.
"We're taking her to St. Mary's Children's Hospital," one of them told us. "They have the best pediatric cardiac team."
I nodded numbly, already moving to follow them. "I'm coming with you."
The paramedic glanced down at my ankle monitor, hesitation crossing his face. "Ma'am..."
"She's my daughter!" My voice broke on the words. "That's my fucking daughter! I need to be with her!"
Alex stepped forward. "I'll go with her. I'm her father." He squeezed my hand. "I'll call you the second we know anything, Sophia. I promise."
I watched helplessly as they carried my baby out, Alex following close behind. The apartment suddenly felt cavernous and empty, the silence deafening after the chaos.
Elizabeth approached, still on the phone. "Yes, Sage. She's being transported now. Alex is accompanying her." A pause. "Yes, I understand. We'll be waiting."
She hung up and turned to me, compassion in her eyes. "Sage is on her way over. She says to stay put."
I sank onto Lily's bed, clutching her stuffed bunny to my chest. "I can't just sit here while my daughter is fighting for her life," I whispered, tears streaming down my face. "What kind of fucked-up system keeps a mother from her dying child?"
"Sophia," Elizabeth said gently, sitting beside me. "You know you can't leave. The monitoring system would alert authorities immediately, and you'd be back in jail within hours."
"I don't care!" The words tore from my throat. "Let them fucking arrest me! My baby needs me!"
"You should care," came a firm voice from the doorway.
Sage Morrison stood there, her usual professional demeanor in place despite having clearly rushed over. "If you violate your bail conditions, you won't be able to help Lily at all."
I stared at her, my vision blurred by tears. "She needs me." My voice cracked with desperation. "Do you understand? She's terrified of hospitals. She needs to see my face when she wakes up. She needs to know I'm there."
"And she'll need you when she recovers," Sage replied, her tone softening slightly. "St. Mary's has the best pediatric cardiac specialists in the region. She's in good hands."
I closed my eyes, feeling utterly helpless. My baby was fighting for her life, and all I could do was sit here, trapped by the electronic monitor around my ankle. I'd never felt so goddamn useless in my entire life, not even when my father used to tell me I was nothing but a disappointment.
"Alex will keep us updated," Elizabeth reassured me, her hand warm on my back.
Sage stepped further into the room. "I've notified Blake Sterling about the emergency," she said carefully. "As Lily's biological father, he has the right to know."
My head snapped up. "Blake is coming to the hospital?" A strange mixture of relief and dread churned in my stomach.
She nodded. "He's on his way now."
"Is she coming with him?" I couldn't bring myself to say Amanda's name. That conniving, manipulative bitch who'd tried to frame me.
"No," Sage replied firmly. "Mr. Sterling specifically said he would be coming alone."
A small mercy, at least.
My phone buzzed with a text from Alex: At hospital. Doctors working on her. Will call soon.
I clutched the phone like a lifeline, trying to breathe through the crushing fear. Lily was fighting for her life while I sat here, unable to hold her hand or whisper encouragement in her ear.
"This is the hardest part," Sage said quietly, observing me with understanding in her eyes. "But remember, if you were in prison, this would be so much worse."
Her words, though meant to comfort, only highlighted the precariousness of my situation. As I sat in my daughter's room, surrounded by her toys and drawings, the star-patterned rug still bearing the impression of her small body, I had never felt more trapped.
My daughter was battling for her life, and all I could do was wait.