Chapter 4 Mother
"We just found your mother," my father says, a frown already marring his face, his gaze avoiding mine. He found her already? Where is she now? Seeing the look on his face right now, I don't think it's good news.
"What?! When did you find her? Is she okay?" I ask.
"No. I'm so sorry. We found her dead in the forest near one of the Romanos warehouses," my father says.
"What?! No. This is your fault! Why didn't you save her?! I've waited for months! Months! Do you even care about her at all?" I ask angrily. The rage inside of me causes tears to fall down my face. My outburst is valid. I mean, how could my father let my mother die just like that? She could still be alive now if he had really tried to save her. The sight of my father's hand trying to reach me only angers me more, and I push it away.
"I've tried to save her, but it was already too late. I thought we had more time," my father says.
"That's your fault. You only tried to buy yourself more time without thinking about how much mother is hurting. It's absolutely not because you're late in saving her. It's because you didn't even try. You didn't try hard enough. How could you let her die like that in their hands? How could you?" I ask. At this point, I'm already on my feet, trying to stay as far away from my father.
I can't believe he really let it happen. Out of all the people in the world, how could my father let my mother die in the hands of the Romanos? I can't imagine all the pain she went through, waiting for my father to save her, but he never came. He lets her suffer in the merciless hands of the Romanos.
"I'm sorry, Sandra. I swear I've tried-"
"No. Stop. You're not sorry. Just leave me alone now. Please," I say. My hands are now balled into fists as I try to contain my anger so I don't do something I will regret later: punching my father in the face.
"I'm sorry. I'm really so-,"
"Leave! Now!" I yell.
My father lets out a defeated sigh. Without wasting any more time, he leaves my bedroom, leaving me in silence. I let out a breath I've been holding and let myself drop onto the bed. Resigned due to my father's news. On my phone screen, I stare at the photos of my family. The sight of my late mother and brothers is the reason for my tears to pour down my face even more.
I can't believe this. I have lost another part of my life. All of this is because of my father's fault and this mafia life bullshit. If only he stopped being greedy and abandoned this illegal business bullshit and just stuck to running his wine company once he inherited it from my grandfather, none of this shit would've happened. My mother and brothers would still be alive now if my father had decided to live a normal life.
Two years ago, my brothers passed due to the fight between my family and the Romanos. The same fucking people who killed my mother. Now that I've lost my mother too, it reminds me of how much I miss them. After their deaths, memories of them are nothing but blurry. Years of not living with them do that to my memories. All that's left of them in my mind is just the snippets of memories of all the good times we had together.
I hate my father for letting all of them die, but my hatred for the Romanos is beyond explanation. They're the ones who killed my mother and brothers. Just you wait, assholes, I'll be coming for all of you. I will make you suffer just as you made my mother suffer. I will make all of you experience the slowest and most painful death.
\-
The funeral of my mother today makes everything feel unreal. Numbness is all that's left in me after countless hours of crying I let out yesterday. Seeing her coffin being lowered into the ground in front of me feels so surreal. Everyone cries silently, mourning the end of her life.
Once the funeral is over, everyone leaves the cemetery. However, I can't bring myself to go yet. I stay seated right next to my mother's fresh grave. Maria Anastasia Benetti. That's the name engraved on the clean tombstone in front of me. In front of my mother's grave lies the graves of my brothers. This is real. I've lost my mother and brother. Now that I've lost my mother too, the pain of losing my brothers resurfaces.
My lips tremble as I continue to stare at the ground. I can't help but reminisce about all the time I've spent with my mother and brothers. I miss them so much. I thought I had more time with them, but their ugly fate says otherwise.
I will avenge all of you. I won't let the Romanos roam free without getting the punishment they deserve. Fuck leaving. If I can't leave, I'll make sure my time here will be worth it. I will kill all of them, bastards first, and only until then, I will finally leave this fucked up life.
"Sandra, let's go home," my father says.
"No. I'm staying," I say.
"I know you want to stay here longer, but please, Sandra. Let's go back. It's not safe to stay out here. You can come here again another day," my father says. As much as I want to protest his decision, he's right. If the Romanos catch me now, I will lose my chance to take revenge. I should leave now.
"Fine."
Ignoring my father, I walk past him and enter one of the cars with Dante. The pain in my eyes as I hold back another tear makes me groan in frustration. Angry, I wipe the tears away from my cheeks with the back of my hands. I swear to God I'm going to kill the Romanos. All of them. I won't let any of them escape. I will make sure all of them die. None of them will be left alive.
At the house, everyone says their quiet condolences to me. Without saying a word, I return them with a forced smile and then retreat to the back of the living room. Everyone converses silently, talking about all kinds of stuff. My father is standing at the other side of the room with Giulio, his second-in-command. I can't really make out their conversation, but I assume it's about business as usual.
"I can't stay here," I mutter. Without thinking any further, I leave the house. My feet bring me to the pond. It's vacant with occasional cool breezes. Of all the places in the area around the house, the pond and garden are the only places where I can truly find tranquillity. With all the people in the house talking about nothing but my mother, all it brings to me is suffocation. It's difficult to truly mourn the loss of my mother when no one around me is doing the same thing.
At the end of the dock, I'm seated. The reflection in the water stares back at me, unmistakable gloom on my face. The gloomy weather today makes it seem as though the sky is also mourning my mother's death alongside me. She used to be the light in this dark world I was born into. She always turned darkness to light, always saw the positives in the worst of situations. All this time I waited for her to come back. Now that she's back, all that's left of her is her lifeless body. I've lost my light. The one who made this dark world bearable.
Once my father got my mother's body, he didn't let me see her. His intention is well, though. He didn't want me to see how my mother's face and body had been ruined beyond recognition. That's how the Romanos have always been. Their use of acid on their victims is absolutely revolting. Not only acid, but they also use sharp weapons not only to torture them, but to destroy their skin and body so that no one could barely recognise the victims. My heart aches at the disturbing visualisation in my mind. All the pain she went through was for nothing. I should've done something to save her and not waited for my father to do it.
"If you want to talk about anything, I'm here. I'll be here to listen to you, okay?" Dante says. On my right, Dante is staring back at me. His usual intimidating look has now long gone, replaced by a soft, reassuring gaze. My tears once again threaten to spill, and I only nod in response to Dante's words before I stare into the pond again.
I hate being this emotional. I guess it's because my father's past lesson is finally starting to get to my head. He's more lenient now about me embracing my true feelings, but before this, especially after my brothers' deaths, he saw my emotional distress as a weakness. At that time, I couldn't stop crying after my brothers' deaths. Thankfully, their deaths are not as horrible as my mother's. They died because they got shot while fighting with the Romanos. However, losing them is still a painful experience.
My father's punishment then wasn't terrible. All he did was lock me in the basement and barely gave me any food, just gave me some slices of bread. In the first few days, my crying only got worse. Being all alone in the basement without anyone to talk to only brings my worst thoughts to the surface.
After a week of being locked in the basement, there's nothing but numbness inside of me. There were no tears left to cry, so I finally stopped crying. My bad thoughts also disappeared. At that point, I just felt lifeless. I didn't even have the energy to be mad at my father for leaving me in the basement for such a long time. He said he's sorry, that he only did that for my own good, but I don't care. After that, all I did was live on autopilot. My mother was the one who helped me recover from my sadness and brought back my spark.
Why am I thinking about this now? Whatever. It doesn't matter. Starting from now on, I'll live my life by my own rules. My father can keep me caged here as long as he wants, but once I get my revenge, I'll be as far away as I can from here.