Chapter 181: Remorse And Regret

CHAPTER 181

SAYGE'S POV

She loved me.

It was all I could think about.

It was all I'd been thinking about for the past week.

I missed her...and the boys. Alexa missed her playmates and brothers terribly; she wouldn't eat or be happy. Zyliah had allowed her to come stay with her and the boys. It made the boys even happier to have her.

She had gone. She moved out with the boys the next morning, together with her friends.

I've never felt more empty. More alone. More depressed.

I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. This time, I was battling heartache, and this was my fault. I'd acted so stupidly.

I had tried talking to Grandma Charlotte yesterday, and all she had given me were cold shoulders and a few vague words that went along the lines of 'I told you so.'

My granny was right. I had blindly believed Claire, and when she had tried to make me see beyond my anger, I'd insulted her and what she shared with my grandfather.

I was a dick on all sides at this point.

Even my dad thought I was very stupid—I couldn't call myself enough of that because it was very true.

How was I going to rectify this issue? She'd been hurt on all accounts, but I guess the worst was finding out I had had sex with Claire and gotten her pregnant.

I wondered why I even bothered with it. The sex was meaningless. It had been just my way of overcoming the pain of Zyliah leaving...not that it worked.

And in the period she had been back, rather than try to make up with her, I'd done more stupid things with Claire to make her jealous.

God! Maybe I didn't deserve her, but I needed her. At this point, I know I would never love any woman that wasn't her.

What was that guy's name? Keith? Kev...Kevin.

He was actually a gentleman, and I hated him for that. He was just the kind of man Zyliah would love to be with.

The more I thought of him being with her, the more my heart bled.

Maybe I should do something about that.

I got up from the bed and walked past the open files on my desk. There was no use trying to pretend I could do any paperwork or even anything remotely business-related when my heart was in tatters.

I entered the bathroom and ran through a shower. Ten minutes later, a pair of denim trousers and a dark green shirt suited my mood.

I studied my expression. It was too sad. Too many emotions. I sighed, selecting a baseball cap from the collection I had and donning it.

Spritzed on some cologne, and I was done.

There was no need to smell like a broken heart when I already looked like one.

I had no idea how I'd get to him, but there was always a way. I could try to beg my grandma or maybe place a call through to Natalie or Delia; she would have told them something about him I could work with.

I'd just stepped out of my room when I collided with Claire.

"You have been avoiding me. Why?" She looked like a ticking time bomb—this close to exploding with anger and hurt.

But that was her own cup of tea. She'd done enough damage to me already.

"Get off my path and stay off it." The cold warning was lowly spoken but loudly understood because her eyes widened a bit in fretful alarm before stubbornness glided over it.

"And if I don't?"

I nudged her out of the way, continuing my way downstairs.

"You crazy dude, do you want to hurt our baby? Your baby?"

"Baby trapping wasn't enough for you. Now you're guilt-tripping me? You're the worst of the worst, Claire. Get this straight. This baby is the only string between me and you. The woman I'm in love with is the mother of my twin boys, not you. It has never been you!"

"You will not dare, Sayge. You will not dare leave me after all these years of loving you!" She screamed her frustration, her eyes producing tears that had absolutely no effect whatsoever on me.

"Watch me!"

"I will ruin you, Sayge. You can bet I have something I'll use to destroy you if you try to leave me." She threatened, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"I can bet you have nothing on me. Quit being a pathetic bitch!" I left her there at the base of the stairs, jogging the rest of the way down.

I met my grandma, who said nothing to me. I made to walk past but had a second thought.

"Grandma?"

She ignored me, paying attention to her phone.

I crouched before her, ready to make amends in the humblest way possible. "Grandma, I miss you. I miss you correcting me. I miss you supporting me. I'm sorry for what I said. I...it was very foolish of me to be so insensitive and demean the love you shared with Grandpa. I know you loved him as much as you love Dad and me. You're one hell of a strong woman, and you might not know this, but I always wondered if I'll ever meet a woman like you and fall in love with her. One who is so fiercely protective and justifiably stubborn, yet so loyal and loving and caring with the kindest heart, mankind will consider a blessing to be among them."

I barely cried, but the consequences of my actions...and inactions hit me so hard. Plus, right here, right now, I was the little boy who wanted his grandma to look at him with pride and adoration once again.

A tear rolled down my face, surprising me.

"I'm so sorry, Gran. Please, forgive me. I'll never...ever...disrespect you that way ever again. I'm sorry. Your grandson is sorry."

She dropped her phone beside her on the sofa, closed her eyes briefly, and when they fluttered open to look at me, I saw the tears in them.

My conscience pricked me even further. Insinuating she had been a bad wife to the man she'd loved with all her heart was the worst thing I could ever do to her.

She grabbed my hands and squeezed affectionately. "No matter how hard I tried, I never stopped paying attention to what went on in your life. I just wanted the best for you so you didn't have to make too many mistakes, like with Claire."

"Grandma, she's pregnant," I confessed like a sinner to a priest, lowering my head onto her lap, removing my cap.

"I know. She told me." She heaved a sigh. "You did a stupid thing there."

"The stupidest, Grandma. The stupidest. And now I've lost Zyliah because of it."

Her hand caressing the nape of my neck was soothing. I've missed her. "True love will always find a way to win, no matter what."

"Zyliah said we can love someone and still not be with them. I don't even know. It's like she's looking for every excuse in the book not to be with me."

"She's hurt, Sayge." She raised my face to meet her sympathetic eyes, cupping both sides of my cheeks. "You hurt her."

I nodded. "I know that." "Forcibly tucking away emotions," I told her. "I have a plan. I don't know if it'll work, but I think I should try it."

"Oh. What's the plan?"

"Can you give me Kevin's address or number? Just anything that'll help me reach him."

She quirked a brow, worry creeping onto her face.

"I promise you, Gram, I'm not going to fight him. I promise."

She emitted an audible sigh. "Alright. I just hope you know what you're doing."

"I hope so too.”