Chapter 1 001
EMILY
I was losing my mind.
That was the only explanation that made sense. Nothing else explained how easily I had started justifying things I once swore I would never do.
I was cheating on Ryan, not physically, not fully, but emotionally, which somehow felt worse. It felt sneaky. It felt dishonest. It felt like betraying him in slow motion. I was falling into something I knew I should not touch, something warm and tempting and dangerous, and I kept telling myself I could stop anytime.
I told myself it was harmless. I told myself it meant nothing. I was lying to myself.
“Are you still in the office, mi amour?”
Fredrick’s message lit up my phone, bright and dangerous against the dim glow of my desk lamp. My chest tightened immediately.
I stared at the screen longer than I should have, my thumb hovering as if the phone might burn me if I touched it. My heart raced like I had already been caught doing something wrong. I inhaled slowly, once, twice, trying to steady myself, then typed back, “Yes.”
The reply came almost instantly. “Come over.”
I was already standing before I fully realized what I had agreed to. My chair scraped softly against the floor as I rose, my pulse loud in my ears.
My hands trembled as I smoothed my dress, checked my reflection in the dark screen of my phone, and dabbed a little perfume on my wrists and neck. The scent felt intimate, unnecessary, intentional. It felt reckless. It felt thrilling.
His office was quiet, the lights dimmed low, the building almost empty at this hour. My footsteps sounded too loud in the hallway, each one echoing my guilt back at me. I knocked once, lightly, then opened the door before I could talk myself out of it.
“Hey there, handsome,” I said softly, forcing a smile.
Fredrick looked up from his desk and smiled in return, slow and warm, the kind of smile that made you feel seen instead of inspected.
He had that effect on people. He was forty-five, older by 20 years, divorced, and confident without being loud. Calm in a way Ryan had not been lately. He listened when I spoke. He remembered the little things. He noticed when I was tired or overwhelmed or pretending I was fine.
“You look beautiful,” he said, standing.
I laughed nervously and shrugged. “You always say that.”
“Because it is always true,” he replied easily.
He walked toward me, closing the distance between us with quiet confidence. “Come here.”
I did. I did not even pretend to resist. I walked toward him slowly, aware of every step, every breath, every second stretching thin.
He smirked, clearly pleased, and when he reached for me, his hands settled firmly at my waist. He pulled me into a slow kiss. I leaned into it without thinking, my hands resting against his chest, my head spinning with how natural it felt and how wrong it was at the same time.
His hands moved lower and reality rushed back in like ice water. I stepped away abruptly, my breath uneven. “I cannot,” I said quickly. “I am sorry.”
He paused, studying my face, then nodded once. “Okay.”
The relief was short-lived. He pulled me close again, gentler this time, and sat down, guiding me onto his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. My heart pounded so loudly I was sure he could hear it, feel it through my chest.
“Why do you not want to leave him?” he asked quietly, his voice softer now. “Emily, I see something between us. You see it too. You cannot deny that.”
I shook my head fast, panic mixing with guilt. “I cannot leave Ryan,” I said. “I love him. I know he loves me.”
He exhaled slowly, his grip tightening just a little. “That is not what a man wants to hear when he is holding the woman he wants.”
“I know,” I whispered, my throat tight. “I am sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”
The room felt heavy, thick with words we were not saying, with feelings I did not know how to sort or silence. The air itself seemed to press down on us.
Then a voice cut through everything.
“What the hell is going on here?”
I jumped up so fast my knees almost buckled. I turned, my heart dropping straight into my stomach.
Ryan stood in the doorway. His eyes moved from me to Fredrick and back again, slow and deliberate, like he was piecing together a picture he never wanted to see. His face hardened into something I had never seen before, something cold and distant that made my chest ache instantly.
“Ryan,” I whispered, my voice barely holding together.
He took a step back, like he needed space from me, like I was suddenly too close, too much. “Explain.”
“It is not what it looks like,” I said quickly, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “I swear.”
He laughed once, sharp and humorless, and the sound sliced right through me. “You were sitting on his lap, Emily.”
Tears burned my eyes, blurring everything. “Please,” I said, my voice shaking. “Please listen to me.”
“I am listening,” he replied calmly, which somehow made it worse. “So talk.”
“It’s nothing,” I said, even as my throat tightened. “I swear. It’s nothing.” I hated how weak it sounded, how false it felt even to my own ears.
Fredrick stepped beside me, close enough that I could feel his presence. His hand moved toward my waist, familiar, instinctive. I stepped away instantly, my heart racing. “Do not,” I said sharply, panic flooding my chest.
Ryan noticed. Of course he did. His jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing just slightly. “So you moved away when he touched you,” he said slowly, “but you were fine sitting on him?”
The question hit harder than any accusation. He stared at me like he did not recognize me, like the girl he loved had disappeared right in front of him. That hurt more than anything else.
“Say it plainly,” he said. “What is going on between you two?”
“I do not know,” I admitted, my voice breaking completely now. “I know I love you. I know I messed up…. I’m sorry, please.”
The silence that followed was loud and cruel, stretching until it felt unbearable. Ryan nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, like he was committing this moment to memory.
“Wow,” he said quietly. “It really is not what it looks like.”